


Heartsleeves

by TinyValiance



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Babies, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Competition, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Softcore Porn, Soulmates, UST, and they use their babies to fight it out, big found family and real family fusion, bobby and hanbin enter a charity competition that turns into a very real competition between them, is it really an alternate universe tho lol, parents in competition with kids but realize they are soulmates, something like that, such is the life of being born to two dumb dumbs, this was actual a fic prompt but the prompt is on my other computer, we love actual real life soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 42,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22257196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyValiance/pseuds/TinyValiance
Summary: After two years of laying low after the birth of his daughter, Bobby joins a KBS competition show for babies. To his dismay, Hanbin joins with his own son, and seeminglyinsistson showing Bobby up.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jinhwan, Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jiwon | Bobby, Secondary Goo Junhoe/Kim Jinhwan
Comments: 40
Kudos: 117





	1. ch. 1a - intro

**Author's Note:**

> ♥ PLEASE READ! THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!♥
> 
> 1\. I want to make it clear that these people in the story are just characters based on real people. This is my interpretation of them. My writing does not reflect on any real people involved in this story. 
> 
> 2\. It is fine to mention my pen name/work title publicly online, but ANY REPOSTS INCLUDING SCREENSHOTS OR LINKS IS PROHIBITED. This is to discourage it from spreading to idols and those associated with them!! The reason I allow for the link (only) to be posted to tumblr is because I have used tumblr for fandom since I was a kid, and I can attest that their search feature is, and always has been, a nightmare, and you really have to look for what you want. Thank you for recommending my works in private. PLEASE KEEP THIS STORY HERE. Respect their privacy and mine. Thank you.
> 
> 3\. WARNINGS: swearing, minor sexual language, softcore sexual content, Koo Junhoe, descriptions of broken relationships, past drug use.
> 
> 4\. Please know that I started this fic far before the whole catastrophe with Hanbin. Although I already try to treat mental illness and moments of weakness with immense respect for the victims, I wrote this character with added extreme caution. I hope my intentions are seen as pure.
> 
> 5\. Please comment! No matter how long the story is up, I will always appreciate comments. I love all feedback. It keeps me motivated. And of course, nice comments are appreciated more than you know. Take care and thank you for reading! xo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going on vacation tomorrow but I've been dying to get something of this fic posted! Here is a very short intro, but the second part of the intro is soon to come. It just was not ready yet, so I had to separate chapter one. Hope you enjoy it! I'm eager to see what everyone thinks. Thank you!

A rush of Monday zeal swept the thin denim strap off from Cheonsa’s shoulder again. Bobby ran to catch up with her as she toddled off, chubby feet _thump thump thumping_ below her. Bobby caught up to her, lifted her off the floor in a swift movement, and growled like Mr. Sea Monster at bath time as she screamed in delight. He fixed her strap and gave her a kiss on the head before gently setting her down. 

The strap slipped off once more. Bobby sighed. This outfit must have been purchased for next year, and it got mixed up in her current wardrobe. All this parenting stuff was tough to keep up with. 

Bobby’s daughter was two years old and growing fast, but not fast enough for this pair of overalls. 

Whatever, Bobby decided – it was just daycare. 

Speaking of daycare, Bobby had to get going, or both he and Cheonsa would be late. He took her chubby hand in his and adjusted her tiny backpack of supplies on his shoulder. They then left the apartment and headed for the stairs – it was quicker than the elevator. Bobby scooped her up in the crook of his elbow and ran with her two flights down to the underground level. 

Cheonsa laughed. “Again, daddy.”

“Sorry, Cheonsa, not today,” Bobby said. He chanced a look at his phone – they were doing alright for time, but they had none to spare on the Running Down the Stairs game. “You have to go to daycare!”

Cheonsa laughed again, presumably pleased by the mention of daycare. 

Bobby brought Cheonsa to the car, holding her in the crook of his arm. He gently placed in her in her carseat, fastened her seatbelt, and rescued Bwi the bumblebee from where he laid face-down on the neighbouring seat, setting the plush toy in his daughter’s lap. It kinda stung that she was a bigger fan of BTS than she was of him, but even he humbly admit that he did not write Anpanman. He pushed the toy against her stomach with increasing urgency as she refused to take him. Eventually Bobby just jammed the toy in the front of her overalls, which were big enough to allow a gap at the chest for emergency toy storage. Cheonsa pleasantly chewed on her hands.

He got Cheonsa to daycare right on schedule, which meant he would get to work by 9. He gave her fluffy head a big kiss and sent her off with a care worker. He smiled politely and bowed, trying not to bumble as he quickly turned on his heels to head back to the car. He had never been especially graceful. 

Bumble… bumblebee. Shit, Cheonsa still had that toy, and she would definitely lose it. Bobby quickly whirled back around and tripped to catch up with the daycare worker. 

“Pardon me, miss!” he called. 

The worker lady stopped walking, catching Cheonsa by the shoulder. She looked concerned. “Is everything alright, Mr. Kim?”

“Oh yeah, it’s all good,” Bobby replied, sniffled, “but my daughter has a toy with her, and I don’t want her to lose it. Can I have a minute?”

“Of course, sir,” she said, and let go of Cheonsa’s shoulder.

“Great, perfect,” Bobby said. “Do you mind if I…?” he gestured to his daughter. The lady gave him full permission. 

She was smart to stand out of the way.

Bobby dreaded this. He was usually able to slip out when Cheonsa was distracted, but now she would have to watch him go. “Heeey, baby,” Bobby smiled. Cheonsa smiled back. Bobby reached down her overalls and pulled Bwi out. Cheonsa screamed as though she had witnessed magic. 

“Mr. Bwi has to go for his nap,” Bobby said. He played with Bwi, making him fly and then promptly fall to the ground, making a _splat_ sound. 

Cheonsa loved that and tried to grab the toy to play with herself. Bobby hid Bwi swiftly behind his back. 

“No, he has to go now, okay?” Bobby tried to comfort. 

This time Cheonsa screamed in rage. 

So _NOW_ she wanted Bwi _??_ Terrific. Bobby was again defeated by the unpredictability of toddlerhood and said toddler had only been awake for two hours. Bobby rubbed his face in his hands. He hid behind the makeshift cavern his palms created, behind the heart tattoo on his wrist that only he and a soulmate could see. He sometimes wished he had planned better. But at the same time… he could not wish her away. Neither of the two ‘her’s.

To the worker he said, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, sir,” the lady patiently replied. “She’s two. These things happen.”

That was nice to hear. Bobby’s head had been siren-sounding a chorus of _“you blew it”_ and _“it’s your fault for insisting on the bee”_ and _“it’s your fault for putting her in overalls”_ and _“learn how to parent you screw-up,”_ so yeah that was nice.

The shake in his hands tempered to a faint tremble. He realized his phone was vibrating in his jeans’ pocket, that the shaking was not all generated by his nerves. Cheonsa screamed again. 

“Come on, little Cheonsa,” the worker said, and quickly attempted to guide Cheonsa to the playroom. “It’s time for foam blocks!”

“ **_B W I ! ! ! !_ **” Cheonsa thundered. Bobby heard her voice deepen to a husky sob as she began to cry. 

That was his cue to go. He bowed again to the worker and dashed out of there as inelegantly as humanly possible. 

His phone vibrated again. 

Throwing himself into the driver’s seat and slamming the door (with a little more force that he had meant to), he pulled out his phone: 5 UNREAD MESSAGES FROM HUGEBOY. What did Song Minho want? He tossed Bwi into the backseat and opened his messages.

**(8:32am) hugeboy:** hey man how was dropping off cheonsa?

**(8:33am) hugeboy:** this a bad time?

**(8:34am) hugeboy:** you asleep still????

**(8:34am) hugeboy:** WAKE UP BIIIIIIIIITCH

**(8:36am) hugeboy:** text me when you get to work

Bobby still had no idea what Minho wanted. They were friends, but not before 10 in the morning, unless they were actively involved in a project together. Were they? All this parenting shit really fucked with his memory. He had a lot to memorize, and what kept Cheonsa alive came first in the forefront of his mind before work.

Bobby decided to just get to work and investigate when he got there. He parked in the private parking lot at the Black Label building. He locked his car, wrestled his ID out of his jacket pocket, swiped it at the door, and entered the lobby. When he got there, he pulled out his phone again and called his friend. 

“Whaddup? Minho answered. 

“I should ask _you_ that,” Bobby replied. 

“I just wanted to know if you got the email yet,” Minho said. 

“The what?”

“The email,” Minho said. “It’s like a text, but it’s on the computer.”

“Shut up,” Bobby grumbled. “Email from who?”

“From your manager,” Minho said, “about the competition details.”

“The what?”

“You don’t know shit today, man. You okay?”

“Maybe I’m not. Explain it.”

“I thought your manager would have told you already since Taeyang hyung’s daughter Miyun was already cast, but I guess not. Is Cheonsa doing the show on KBS?”

Bobby balked. “The _whaaaaat?_ ”

“That show for babies!” Minho elaborated. “That fashion show for charity. You know what I mean.”

Oh, that one – Bobby had heard of it. “No, he didn’t ask me. He knows I don’t want to do it.”

“It would be cute, no?”

Bobby’s lips curved downward. “I don’t want Cheonsa in the spotlight.”

“Awh, I was going to ask if you would invite me to the set.”

Bobby smirked again, despite everything. “You’re a fool for babies.”

“And so are you. So I wanted to know.”

“I got you. But no, I’m not gonna put her through that.”

“Yeah, talk to you later, man.”

“See ya.”

Bobby hung up. 

The feeling of the call lingered. He felt it on his shoulders. He tried to shake it off, but it stayed put. 

He headed to his recording studio – a large room with a couch that wound the walls, and two desks of recording equipment on either side of the room. He shared it, but Bobby was the only person present in the room at the moment. He threw his jacket and backpack on the couch and plopped down in his swivel chair. He commenced swiveling. He just… needed to take a moment for himself. He breathed. 

A little while later, he heard a knock at the door. He pulled his headphones off his ears and dropped them to rest around his neck, although he had not carried on far enough in his work day to have any sound coming out of them. 

“Come in,” Bobby said. 

His manager, Minwoo, entered. “Hey. I think we should talk about something serious.”

Bobby pursed his lips around his front teeth. He considered. “I think Minho hyung beat you to this.”

“Oh,” Minwoo said. He gently closed the door behind them. “What a shit-head.”

“Yeah,” Bobby said. His voice was light, but he felt like he was dragging his words behind him. 

His manager sat on the couch. He reclined, discussing the matter to the ceiling. “The show contacted YG to ask for your agent’s information. They would like to have Cheonsa for an audition.”

“I’m not interested,” Bobby said softly, same tone. “But thank you. Tell them I appreciate the offer.”

Minwoo waited a moment. Bobby imagined his manager was pondering the shadow that Bobby cast behind him, the protective curve of his back. 

Minwoo was always gentle in his approach. He did a lot for Bobby, and in everything he did, he tried to do Bobby some good. 

“I know you didn’t ask,” Minwoo continued, “but in my opinion, as your manager, I think it would be good for your image.”

Bobby started, “I don’t—”

“I know,” Minwoo interjected. “I know you don’t care. I know you didn’t ask because you don’t care. But this is my job. It’s my job to manage you. Now I’m going to tell you why I think this is a good idea, because I have to. I know your daughter is a sensitive subject and I don’t know anything about it. Now just bear with me.”

Bobby bit his bottom lip. He jerked his head upward, signaling for Minwoo to throw his pitch. 

“Thank you,” Minwoo said. Continued, “I… I know you went through a lot two years ago, when Cheonsa was born. I can’t even imagine it. All the stuff that was said about you, the tabloids… I just remember throwing something at my computer screen reading it, ‘cause it was so wrong of people to talk about you that way. But you didn’t do anything – you just focused on your daughter. And I admire the fuck out of that.”

In Bobby’s defense, he had been in love. He really had. The girl was originally from Thailand, and she was pretty enough to join YG’s modeling company, but she never did. Bobby met her at a club, and she stood there in her dress like she had only ever worn a dress to church. She was so out of place in the mess of that scene. She was an alien to that glamourous world in which Bobby lived. And Bobby ate that shit up, he really did. She was so easy to want to take home and wake up next to in the morning, if only just to prove he made it out of that world alive. 

“And then when she left… people wondered how you were going to do it on your own. It seemed like no one believed in you. But you pulled through.” 

A morning came when Bobby never woke up next to her again. She was there one moment and gone the next.

Minwoo exhaled. “And I think it’s time for you to show people that. I think you need to let people know that you’re doing okay. People want to know. I never knew someone could be so damn _popular_ for something he’s never said a word about.”

Bobby gave a short, autopilot laugh. 

“And it’s what you deserve.”

Bobby’s lips tugged upward at one corner. That was sweet of Minwoo to say. Bobby really tried his best. Sometimes bumblebees were misplaced and clothes were too baggy and Bobby’s life felt like chaos, but other times were really good. Other times made him wake up proud of himself when he was stuck waking up alone. 

Bobby tilted his head. He was… considering, for lack of a better term. He heard the words. He processed them. They were in there, taking up room in his skull. 

“I… I see your point,” he simply said. 

Minwoo chanced a look at him. “Also… as your manager, I have to say this: it never _hurt_ your net worth to have girls tripping over themselves for a chance to mother your babies.”

Bobby scoffed, but lightheartedly. 

Minwoo shrugged. “Sometimes you gotta give the people what they want. And the people want you and Cheonsa. At this point I don’t know if they want you to be flying or crashing, but they want something. It’s been a while. I think this is… probably the best comeback, as a father, that you could make.”

Bobby swallowed the lump in his throat. “You’re right.”

Minwoo’s expression of pride in Bobby was subtle, but suddenly there. “How did those words taste in your mouth?”

Bobby said, “Like fish oil.”

Minwoo gave a soft laugh. He sighed. To the floor, he said, “You did well, Jiwon…” nodded, “You really did well.”

Bobby sighed, his final act of defiance, going down swinging. He stared at the black screen of his computer. He hoped Gucci womenswear ran small.

-♡-

When Bobby picked up Cheonsa from daycare that evening, she did not even look at Bwi. 

After bathtime, Bobby dressed Cheonsa in her fluffy pajamas that felt like a hug from a towel. He tucked her in and read her a story that Cheonsa tried to read along to even when her eyes were closed and her words were slurred. She eventually let herself fall asleep. Bobby kissed her head.

The apartment looked different since Sunday left. That was the name Bobby knew her by, her nickname that she had identified with since the day she was born – Sunday. Bobby’s friends would never let him keep her around so obviously. He changed his bed frame, sheets, even the mattress, stripping it clean of her. He traded out the dresser she had left for one with less space. They rearranged furniture and Bobby let the floor get messy, leaving traces of himself around. And of course, Cheonsa had outgrown her bassinet, so she had to have her own room sorted out. But it was not like he could tear the place down to its framework and gut her out of the walls. 

Bobby knew he was holding on to a lot of romantic crap that was fodder for nostalgia. 

He looked at the heart he wore on his wrist. The concept of it was cute – quite literally wearing your heart on your sleeve for the one you love. Only soulmates could see the heart on their respective partners’ wrists. Sunday never saw it, and he never saw Sunday’s. He supposed he intentionally chose to not care. 

It was never made to last, but he was lost in a moment. _So_ helplessly lost. And he was still finding his way back home.

As the night stretched into double digits, and Cheonsa was long asleep, Bobby went to his room and put on his headphones to get some work done. 

He tried not to care about the show, but it was on his mind. He looked it up. 

No. 

A news article came up. The headline caught his attention.

_No._

He read the title of the news article again.

There it was. 

**Kim Hanbin and son Kim Bogyun join KBS show Baby Icon.**

-♡-

Lights blared downward from the rafters hung like cages above him. Bobby fumbled with the mic in his hands. He stood beside the other four boys he had come to know so well. The other _nine_ boys, if he was being honest. Team A was never his enemy. They were only all desperate enough to push onward. He was so unsure of his place here.

They lost. 

Minho promised him it was not over. He promised that he would do everything he could to make sure Bobby made it. Bobby believed him. But he also believed the tears streaming down Jinhwan’s face. Jinhwan was the only light he had ever known to guide him. 

About a year later, Bobby stood on stage again. This time he wore a black suit that barely fit him around the middle, a microphone clasped between his hands like an offering to God. This was his church. This was his only chance at salvation. He had never been so driven to achieve anything in his life. Hanbin had already lost.

Bobby won. 

The path he was meant to take became clear from that moment on. 

Bobby pulled Cheonsa’s dress up and over her shoulders. It was autopilot at this point. His eyebrows were drawn together, but all he was focused on was occuring inside his own head. 

Bobby did not reminisce. Reminiscing meant using brain power to ponder on shit that was not happening anymore. Bobby had too much shit happening now that needed his attention. He did up three buttons on Cheonsa’s dress.

But that headline he had seen last night made him remember. 

There were things about Hanbin that Bobby did not agree with. That ship had sailed. But maybe he could have been nicer about it when he had the chance. Bobby did not think Hanbin harboured any resentment towards him for winning Show Me The Money. Hanbin was very professional. That was the cause of their undoing, in retrospect — Bobby acting out of emotion rather than rationality.

Bobby pretended to be a better Christian than he was. Bobby had a knack for pissing people off. And he meant to. 

Basically, he thought there was a reason Hanbin never called to meet up for coffee. And he thought, logically, that it was his fault. 

“Cheonsa...” Bobby said, slipping on her jacket. “Promise me you’ll never search up daddy’s name on the internet.” 

“Daddy,” Cheonsa responded, chewing on her fist. 

Bobby sighed. He buttoned up her jacket, fixed her hair, and scooped her up into his arms. 

Time for a new day. No time to stall on days gone by. 

After dropping Cheonsa off at daycare — and today went much smoother, which helped to heal his self-confidence — Bobby headed to work. Although so wrapped up in thinking about the competition, it was in relation to Hanbin, and Bobby had actually forgotten that the competition had anything to do with _him_. 

His head snapped upright, attention taken from his phone screen when he heard his manager say, “Hey, I got you an audition for next week. Also, Jinhwan is here. He called your handphone but you didn’t reply.”

Wide-eyed, Bobby blinked at Minwoo. They both stopped and stared at each other, both, presumably, wondering what was going on. Bobby clued back in. “Oh, thanks,” he mumbled. Minwoo nodded, satisfied with that, and headed back down the hall. 

Bobby spun on his heel, leaving the door of his studio to return to the visitor’s lobby. 

When Bobby arrived, Jinhwan was sitting on one of the grand couches with a take-out coffee cup in his hand. He raised is cup to Bobby, the other arm slung on the leather shoulder of the couch. 

The deepness of the lobby was imposing. Bobby would look up and feel pressure pushing down against his chest. A massive chandelier hung from the ceiling, and it loomed over the space like a cluster of crystalline stalactites, stalled as they fell, frozen in time. It reminded Bobby how _big_ the space was. How empty. It was strange how different the atmosphere in his studio felt, albeit all the walls were the same height. 

Jinhwan stood up to approach him. 

Bobby smiled, took Jinhwan’s hand, and pulled him into a hug from there. Jinhwan rubbed his back. They pulled apart. _Good to see you._

“What’s goin’ on?” Bobby asked. 

A non-committal downturn of his lips. Jinhwan shrugged. “Eh, same old. How are things with you?” 

“I assume you mean… the thing?” Bobby offered. Jinhwan gave a short nod. Bobby’s head lolled downward. “I texted you.”

“It’s not the same through text,” Jinhwan said. Both hands encircled his coffee cup. He tilted his head to meet Bobby’s eyes at the angle they were turned. “Want to talk?”

Bobby sighed. He rolled his head upward on his shoulders to face forward. Jinhwan readjusted as well. Bobby said, “No, it’s okay. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

Jinhwan nodded. “It must be a lot for you,” he sympathized. “Coming out of hiding is… daunting.”

Jinhwan would know; he had done it, in his own way. He had worked hard, never gave up on himself, and debuted on his own after iKON’s debut was cancelled. He never blamed anyone for that but himself. It must have been terrifying to throw himself back onto the mercy of the wolves, to say the least, after being hit with such a debilitating and humiliating blow. He had been out of the public eye for two years. But he was back on his feet. 

Bobby appreciated Jinhwan. Jinhwan was a person that existed to be appreciated. He could not hold the world together, but he would try, even when he did not believe he could do it. That was worth the world, really. 

Bobby trudged over to the couch and plopped down. Jinhwan resituated himself on the couch, more elegantly. He crossed one leg over his knee. Bobby leaned forward and balanced his elbows on his thighs. 

Lips pushed against his fists, Bobby said. “It’s a lot.”

“You’re very brave,” Jinhwan said. “And if you ever need support, I’m here.”

Bobby nodded. It helped, it really did, but nothing could rid him of the anxiety that had tied itself in knots around the bottom of his throat. It was a fear like bile. A fear he knew and suppressed. He had no idea how he was going to face it.

“Thanks,” Bobby said, softly. 

Jinhwan said. “I miss little Cheonsa. I’ve barely seen her since her birthday. It’s been too long.” 

Despite himself, Bobby smiled. “Are you trying to invite yourself over?”

Jinhwan shrugged, cheekily. “I won’t have to if you invite me first.”

Bobby scoffed. “Don’t tell Yunhyeong,” he said, “because then I’ll have to invite him too, and the apartment isn’t clean.”

Jinhwan laughed. “If it was, I’d wonder who is taking care of Cheonsa.”

Bobby mumbled, lightheartedly, “I should get a maid.”

“In the meantime,” Jinhwan suggested, “I could just watch Cheonsa while you do some straightening up around the place. Especially for the show filming coming up.” 

Bobby shook his head fondly. Jinhwan was relentless. “Fine, I forfeit. Cheonsa is going to have a day with uncle Jinhwan. I just have to call her in sick to daycare.” 

Jinhwan pumped his fist as if thrilled. A giggle made Bobby’s chest hiccup. 

Jinhwan said, “You shouldn’t worry.” He had a look of sincerity in his eyes. “Everyone is going to fall in love with Cheonsa. And everyone is going to fall in love with you.” 

Bobby’s throat tightened. He swallowed past it. He sighed. That seemed like such an unlikely outcome, based on his outlook of the situation. “I hope I can get _one_ person to fall in love with me.”

Jinhwan stroked Bobby’s arm, the two of them sinking together into the vastness of this unfilled space.

-♡-

Bobby started by collecting the articles of fabric he needed to wash — clothes, towels, and miscellaneous. He concluded his sweep of his bedroom with a final shirt plunked in the laundry basket. He headed out into the living room. 

Jinhwan carried Cheonsa in the crook of his elbow. In his free hand, he held a teething rattle. Cheonsa made her own toy interact with the rattle. 

“She’s very well-behaved,” Jinhwan commented. 

“My parents take care of her almost every weekend,” Bobby said, without looking up from his work. “Even on their days off, sometimes.”

“Don’t discredit yourself.”

Bobby sighed. He scanned the living room, looking for washables. On the table by the front door, he found Cheonsa’s teddy bear, Deddy, and it was still covered in dirt from when she had accidentally dropped and stepped on it earlier that day in the park. He gingerly scooped the poor guy up and lowered him into the basket, making him a bed out of slightly overused laundry. He made do.

Jinhwan’s phone started ringing in his pocket. Jinhwan placed the teething ring on the coffee table, trading it out for his phone. “It’s uncle Junhoe!” Jinhwan announced. He carried Cheonsa over to the couch and sat her down on his lap. “Look, Cheonsa, it’s uncle Junhoe!” 

It was clearly a video call. Cheonsa smiled into her hands, pretending to be shy. Bobby knew she secretly loved the attention. For her, it was the more dads the merrier. He supposed that was validation for him.

“Cheonsa~” Junhoe sang. “Our baby angel~” 

Cheonsa laughed. Junhoe was probably doing something stupid with his face. 

Bobby continued onward to the kitchen. He carried a jacket off of the kitchen chair and replaced it on the coat rack. He returned and threw Cheonsa’s bib in the laundry basket, along with the overused dishrag. 

“Mhm,” Jinhwan continued his conversation. “Yeah, she understands a lot of words now.”

A sweater hung on the dining room chair. Bobby would just deal with that one later. It was still clean, just misplaced.

“Of course she can’t read, she’s a baby,” Jinhwan continued. “Jiwon’s not _that_ good.”

“She knows words, so maybe she can read some things!” Junhoe’s voice argued. 

“June, you’ve been talking since the day you were born and only learned how to read when you were seven, think about what you’re saying here.”

“Maybe Bobby hyung has smarter genes.”

“I guarantee you, the fact that he’s already passed on his genes proves that he doesn’t.”

Bobby sighed. He sent Jinhwan a look. Jinhwan sent an apologetic smile and a shrug back. 

Bobby just shook his head and carried on. He straightened out a few books that were left on the floor and put them back under the coffee table, in the magazine compartment. 

“What does she have to do on the show?” Junhoe continued.

“Actually, I don’t know!” Jinhwan said. “Hey, Jiwon, do you know what Cheonsa will be doing?” 

Bobby shrugged and shook his head. This was the second season of the show in production, and he had not seen the first one. It was more the type of content his baby-crazy friends and relatives would enjoy. Bobby never watched daytime tv anyway; Cheonsa was always going through a phase and monopolized the remote control. It grew wearisome to watch the same show over and over until she found something new to obsess over. 

“He doesn’t know,” Jinhwan relayed, “but he hasn’t even auditioned yet, so go easy on him.”

“I’m not going hard on him,” Junhoe said. _That’s what she said lmao._ “Is she even going to get cast?”

“Have you looked at this baby?” Jinhwan asked, and bounced Cheonsa on his leg. Cheonsa giggled, her mouth around the head of her doll. “Of course she’s going to get cast.”

Bobby walked to the couch and pulled a pillow out from beside Jinhwan’s body. The pillowcase could use a refresher. He had fallen asleep on it many a late night. Jinhwan tipped slightly to the side upon its removal. 

“Is he nervous?” 

“Of course he’s nervous,” Jinhwan replied. “This is probably going to be the biggest comeback of his life. Not to mention Cheonsa—”

“Jinhwan,” Bobby finally spoke, curtly, “can we not…?” he made a motion to wrap up the conversation. 

Jinhwan pursed his lips. He said, “I’ll call you back later.”

Junhoe said something softly.

“Of course Bobby will get you a seat at the show, babe. You don’t even have to ask. Right, Jiwon?”

Bobby sent Jinhwan a thumbs up. 

Jinhwan reported, “He said it’s taken care of.” Jinhwan blew a kiss at the screen. “Say bye, Cheonsa! Bye uncle Junhoe!”

“Bye uncle Junhoe!” Cheonsa repeated, and mimicked Jinhwan’s hand motions against her mouth. Bobby quickly turned to see, and his heart melted. 

Clearly bombarded by the cuteness, Junhoe yelled high-pitched, manic goodbyes, and then Jinhwan ended the call. He tossed his phone gently on the coffee table. 

Cheonsa crawled off Jinhwan’s leg. She retrieved the teething ring that Jinhwan had been playing with and plopped down on the floor, clearing seeking a more satisfying teething experience than a doll head. She had most of her teeth in, but a couple molars had been giving her trouble lately.

Jinhwan asked, “Wow, you’re not even a little excited?”

Bobby said, “I don’t deserve to. Why should I celebrate that I knocked someone up?”

“You’re not celebrating,” Jinhwan said. “You’re doing charity work for an organization that donates baby clothes and diapers to families in need.”

“What if it’s all an act? What if I’m trying to look good and I’m using Cheonsa as my pawn?”

Jinhwan tilted his head. “You know that’s not true. Don’t think that way, it only hurts Cheonsa.”

Bobby just sighed.

Jinhwan asked, sincerely, “What’s wrong, Jiwon?”

“You know what’s wrong,” Bobby replied. He pushed the laundry basket onto the door-side table. He fluffed his already messy hair. “Everything.”

“Let me rephrase that,” Jinhwan offered, his voice soft. “What are you nervous about?”

Bobby breathed. He white-knuckled the sides of the door-side table and leaned forward. “Everything.”

“Talk to me, my baby,” Jinhwan said, all parental fondness, and patted the couch beside him. “Tell hyung all your worries and let me melt them away.”

Bobby sighed. He released his grip on the table, colour rushing back into his skin. He trudged over to the couch and plopped down. Jinhwan pulled Bobby into his lap and began combing his fingers through Bobby’s hair. 

Jinhwan said, “How long has it been since you washed your hair, Jiwon?”

Bobby said, “Uh…”

Jinhwan sighed. “Don’t answer. For now, I’ll pretend it’s not happening. Continue.”

Bobby appreciated that. “It’s just… everything,” he said. “I’m not ready to go out there and face people. I’m not ready for the baby to face people. I don’t want the world to know us. It’s easier to live in my head.”

Jinhwan continued caressing him. “Mm.”

“I’m afraid,” Bobby said. He felt something catch in his throat. “And sad, and frustrated…” he swallowed. “I’m 22. I’m too fucking young, Jinhwan.” He realized he should not have sworn around Cheonsa, but it was too late now. Just add it to his list of transgressions, at this point. “And I’m not ready for this. I don’t want people to know, okay? I don’t want people to know that I can’t do this. I can’t face my life.” He covered his face in his hands. 

It seemed to get easier and easier for Jinhwan to stroke Bobby’s crusty head. “You can do it, Jiwon,” he said. “It’s just daunting right now.”

A tear fell. Bobby could not let Cheonsa see him cry. It would upset her. He quickly wiped his tears and kept his face hidden. 

“She won’t be a baby forever,” Bobby continued, muffled. He sniffled, rubbed his nose. “I don’t want to expose her to this. I don’t want this life for her.”

“I’m sorry,” Jinhwan said. “I’m sorry, but it’s inevitable that the secret of her will get out there, you know that right?” He paused, let Bobby react, but Bobby had no reaction. “Whether you do this show or not. At least with the show, you have some control over how you present her. And how you present yourself.”

“I don’t even know what I’m going to do,” Bobby said. “Everyone there is going to be way older than me and actually in a relationship. The only other person in my position is Hanbin, and there’s no way in hell I’m trying to be compared to _Hanbin_.”

Bobby felt the ministrations in his hair skid to a halt. “What?”

Bobby swallowed. The tears stopped. He threw his legs over the side of the couch and stood up. He sniffled, wiped his nose. 

“Jiwon?” Jinhwan pressed. “You don’t like Hanbin?”

He turned his back to Jinhwan. “I never said that,” Bobby muttered.

“Huh.” Jinhwan mused aloud. “I didn’t even know you had bad blood with Hanbin.”

“I don’t.”

“You hide it very well.”

So Bobby did not agree with all of Hanbin’s choices. This much was true. He did not agree with the drug abuse. He did not agree with the fact that Hanbin left Team B high and dry to fail without him. At the time, Donghyuk and Yunhyeong’s vocals were underdeveloped, and they were still figuring out their roles in the group. Jinhwan was good, but he was completely outshined by the team’s wildfire, Junhoe. And that was not an overstatement — Jinhwan _himself_ was starstruck enough by Junhoe to offer to bear him a child or two. But Junhoe was leagues away from challenging Nam Taehyun’s prowess at the time. Bobby could never add anything to the group because he could not find a way to incorporate himself into their concepts. They never meshed. It was hopeless. The company should have just put in that trainee Jinhyeong. 

But, steering the train of thought back on track, Bobby did not have bad blood with Hanbin. 

“I don’t like everything he’s done in his life,” Bobby said. “But nobody likes _everything_ that every person does. And what he does with his life is none of my business.” 

“It makes sense that you don’t like him, though,” Jinhwan said, seemingly ignoring Bobby’s protests. “You two never got a chance to know each other. It’s a shame.”

Bobby did not want to listen to this anymore. He picked up the laundry basket and carried it back into his bedroom. 

He heard two feet jog to catch up with him, making sound now that they were off the living room carpet and on the hardwood. 

“Jiwon,” Jinhwan pressed. He entered Bobby’s bedroom and stood beside him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Bobby said. He aggressively unzipped the pillowcase. “Why should you be? Because you’re always right? Because you have insight and wisdom and make good choices? Because you didn’t fuck up every relationship you could have had? Huh?” His hands were shaking too much to get the pillow free of the case. He slammed it back down into the laundry basket. “This is my fault. Don’t be sorry.”

Jinhwan was silent. 

Bobby caught his breath. He closed his eyes. 

After a moment passed between them, and the red cleared from behind Bobby’s eyelids, he opened them. He looked down into the laundry basket. The pillow had body-slammed Deddy the teddy bear. Delicately, Bobby wedged the bear out from under the pillow. His own Pooh bear stood guard over his nightstand, a loyal friend. He pet the stuffed toy behind its ears.

He felt Jinhwan touch his arm. Bobby sighed. 

“I really fucked up,” Bobby said. “Everything.”

What was the point of the stupid soulmate mark on his wrist if he did not have to abide by it? If he could still break his own heart? Useless thing…

“Jiwon…” Jinhwan said, with trepidation. “Cheonsa isn’t a punishment.”

That one hit deep. He felt the tears return to his eyes. 

“You’re right,” Bobby whispered.

Jinhwan rubbed Bobby’s back. Bobby stared at the bear in his hands. A little freshening up was all he needed. He would be good as new after a little care. He was strong. A little mud and size 5 sneakers could never keep him from bouncing back. 

“ _Daaaddyyyy,_ ” Bobby heard the sound of little feet pattering down the hall. He then heard the telltale _thump_ of a body hitting the floor, and not in the fun Lil Jon way. Cheonsa started to cry. 

“Shit,” Bobby swore. _Shit._ He stepped out into the hallway and picked Cheonsa up, resituating her on her feet. “Nothing happened,” he said. “You’re okay.”

Cheonsa stopped crying. 

Bobby noticed she had been running with a book in her hand. He picked her up and placed her on his shoulder, secured her against him with a hand against her back. 

“I gotta put her to bed,” Bobby said. It was nearing 2:30 in the afternoon, and Cheonsa would have been down for a nap already if she had gone to daycare. “Can you get that book for me? She wants a story.”

Jinhwan assisted, picking the storybook up from the floor and sliding it under Bobby’s hand. Bobby pushed the book against Cheonsa’s back to hold it in place. “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Jinhwan responded. “I’ll just wait in the living room for you.”

“Sure.”

Jinhwan walked behind Bobby. “It was nice to see you, Cheonsa.”

“Say bye to uncle Jinhwan, Cheonsa,” Bobby said. 

“Bye, uncle Jinhwan,” Cheonsa said, and waved a chubby hand. 

Jinhwan gave her a kiss on the head. “Goodbye, beautiful angel.”

Jinhwan headed out to the living room. After he did, Bobby carried her to bed. 

He took his time, moved slowly. As he did, he sang her a song under his breath, a muttered and raspy thing, no matter how much he tried to soften it. But Cheonsa did not seem to mind. She rested the full weight of her head on his shoulder, as though the noise was lovely enough to lull her to sleep. 

How did he create such a precious thing? It was a divine wonder. There was so much pressure, infinite pressure, to do right by her. To prove himself by doing so. 

After Bobby and Jinhwan said their goodbyes, Bobby sending Jinhwan off at the door after a full three-minute hug, Bobby returned to sit on the couch. He put his headphones on, a video playing on his phone. 

In the video, Hanbin moved across a stage. He was rapping. He was more than rapping — he was storytelling, his words biting, and he swore way too many times to justify the necessity of their inclusion. He was bouncing, turning on his heels, full of life. His voice broke over words that were difficult to force out of his chest. 

He had so much potential. He had so much vigor left in him, and yet his lyrics suggested that this was the last performance of his life. Like the curtain would fall, he would walk off stage, and it would all just be over. 

His career was not over, Bobby had half a mind to remind him. After a year or so after Bogyun was born, Hanbin had gotten back into producing. If Bobby’s memory served him, he remembered seeing Hanbin at events in the news earlier that year, or perhaps he just heard from friends. Either way, Hanbin had already bounced back, and he was coming from a place far worse than Bobby. It was one of the things Bobby disagreed with about Hanbin. He thought, perhaps, the boy should have a bit more humility.

Hanbin rubbed Bobby the wrong way. He could not just put on a designer coat, produce another hit song, and act like nothing happened. He had produced a whole _baby_. 

Lips pulled tightly together, Bobby clicked another video. And that led to another. And that video led him to Hanbin’s segment on a variety show that made him do aegyo. And that led to perusing the tabloids. And then Cheonsa woke up, and Bobby made her a jelly sandwich because she was refusing to eat peanut butter lately and Bobby had no resolve to fight her on it today. And that led to Bobby watching a 20 minute v-live of Hanbin talking about nothing whilst sporting a terrible dad mustache. 

Bobby really had not meant to fall down this hole. But it was like that time when Bobby watched a recap of Jinhwan’s performance on Inkigayo and ended on a k-pop amino quiz that told him where BTS’s Jeon Jungkook would take him on their first date. Or, maybe it was nothing like that. But the point remains the same; that sometimes all it takes is the tiniest push to fall deep, deep, deep, into a place you never intended to be when you started.

“Daddy,” Cheonsa said from where she sat in her booster chair at the dining room table. “Thirsty.” And Bobby tried to convince himself she was not talking about him.

“Okay ba...by…” he saw that she had jelly all over her mouth and hands. The bread on her plate was mangled. It was as though she had foregone the bread entirely and simply cherry-picked the jelly into her mouth with her fingers. 

Bobby sighed. “Milk or juice?”

“Juice,” Cheonsa said, clapped her hands together, and slowly pulled them apart, watching the jelly separate as she did. 

Bobby sighed again. This for certain was his fault. He took his headphones off, placed them along with his phone on the couch, and returned to the here and now. 

-♡-

They had met at a local theatre for Cheonsa’s audition. The show’s team wanted to expose her to a large environment, to see how she would react to the space. 

Bobby walked in with Cheonsa alongside him, the two holding hands. Cheonsa behaved very well for the whole walk into the room, around the room, onto the stage, and across the stage. Bobby rewarded her by lifting her into the air like a plane and giving her a huge kiss on the cheek. Cheonsa laughed, loving it. It seemed to not matter where she was as long as Bobby was there to reward her by launching her into the air. He lowered her back down to the stage. Cheonsa was complimented on her walk, and thanked the agents when instructed. She even pretended to be shy. 

“Cheonsa,” another agent called up to her. “Do you like to play dress up?” 

Cheonsa nodded. “Yes!”

Bobby was asked if Cheonsa could sit and cooperate for extended periods of time, and Bobby said she was pretty good at entertaining herself. He asked Cheonsa to sit with him. Cheonsa obeyed her request and sat down on the floor. She laughed as though it was a game, and Bobby gave her a high five. Immediately after, she started looking for something to do. Bobby handed her a toy truck. She began moving it around the stage. 

“Stay there, okay baby?” Bobby said. “Just play right there.”

Bobby watched her for a few moments. She stretched every way possible to get more out of her racing circuit, but she did stay in place, right there on her butt. 

Bobby was overwhelmingly proud. 

“Mr. Kim,” an agent said, “It seems Cheonsa is physically able to withstand the expectations of her runway shows, and it seems she genuinely would like to participate. She is very charismatic and I believe the viewers will love her.”

Bobby stood and bowed. Cheonsa looked up at him. Bobby nodded, and Cheonsa continued playing with her truck. 

This was a few weeks prior. Bobby and Cheonsa were the final team cast, and just in the nick of time. September arrived swiftly.

All the cast members were called into the show’s headquarters for a meeting on September 4th. Bobby was informed that this would be the meeting he found out what the structure of filming would be like. He was also told he would receive the theme schedule for each week, in case they needed time to order clothes, accessories, or materials for the outfits. 

Bobby thankfully was able to drop Cheonsa off early at his parent’s place, as his dad only worked a half-day to accommodate his son. Bobby was eternally grateful. He hoped the outcome of this show was worth it for all they did to assist in her upbringing. 

When he arrived outside the conference room, he saw a small gathering of parents had already arrived. 

Bobby nervously fixed his hair and approached them with his hands clasped together. 

A few gasped and pointed as he came into view. Most of them smiled. Bobby bowed and tried to smile back. 

He recognized many of the faces here — these were all well established tv personas, musicians, some famous surgeons and chefs. Bobby felt so woefully out of place. He shook a few hands and said his hellos. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and allowed himself to be turned around. He smiled when he saw Taeyang, and pulled him into a bro hug. 

“Nice to see you,” Taeyang said. 

“And you, hyung,” Bobby replied. He could not help the shakiness in his voice. 

Taeyang gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Don’t be nervous,” he said. “It’s just dress-up.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

Taeyang smiled, slapped Bobby on the shoulder, then turned around to continue idle conversation with another father, plus his wife, Hyorin. It did not go unnoticed to Bobby that every person here was accompanied by a spouse, except him. 

He sighed, turned away from Taeyang so as to not awkwardly observe his conversation. 

When he looked up, he caught a new pair of eyes. Hanbin had arrived. 

Every other person had a spouse, that is, except for one.

Bobby coughed, sniffled, and swallowed, shuffling on his feet. He averted eye contact. 

“Hanbin,” Bobby said, and bowed. “Hello.”

When he looked up, Hanbin was still looking at him. Hanbin bowed back.

Hanbin’s outfit was nice. He wore a sweater that looked expensive atop a pair of black jeans. His hair was styled. Bobby wore a jean jacket and jeans with tears in them, both fraying, a loose tank top, and the bracelets on his wrist clicked against one another as he and Hanbin shook hands. Bobby could not even remember if he had brushed his hair that morning. 

Hanbin pursed his lips into a curt smile, nodded. Bobby did the same. 

“So, uhm…” Bobby started. 

“You don’t have to talk to me,” Hanbin replied, “just because we’re the only ones left.”

The sound of his voice called Bobby to attention. He looked up, met Hanbin’s eyes again. Wow. He had not heard Hanbin’s voice in person for about two years now. It had gotten rougher, quieter. It sounded nothing like it did on variety shows. He curbed the whininess in real conversations. What was left over when the octave dropped and the lilting settled was a sweet and pleasant rasp. 

Bobby swallowed again. 

Maybe Hanbin had meant to be courteous, but he had extinguished something in Bobby that he had not even known was garnering heat. 

Without a goodbye, because he did not think he had to dignify that reply with his own, Bobby turned away from him, and slipped back into the group of parents. 

Luckily, he did not have to wait much longer for the agents to call everyone in, announcing they could take their seats for the meeting. 

Sticking close to Taeyang for moral support, Bobby ended up beside him at the conference table. Hanbin ended up across from them. 

“Hello parents, and welcome,” the leader of the meeting started. He introduced himself and then announced that the organizational planner would be coming around. A folder was dropped in front of Bobby by one of the two staff members passing them out to each group of parents. Bobby gave a small bow to thank her.

The meeting was very straightforward. Everything was outlined in the planner they received, three pages hole-punched in a duo tang. The staff explained what the filming schedule would be like, what to expect for the live shows, and a brief explanation of each week’s theme for the runway show. It was also announced that Tablo’s daughter, Haru, had graciously volunteered to host the show. It would be so great to have Tablo there to talk to, so Bobby was very thrilled to hear it. Plus, Haru was a cutie. He wanted Cheonsa to have more positive female role models. He was glad it was Haru and not, for example, Na Haeun. He did not want the idol life glorified for Cheonsa at such a young age, and Haeun would not know the hardships, she was too young and pure.

At the end of the meeting, the leader wrapped it up by saying, “Does anyone have any questions?”

Bobby was good. He had been through far more complex filming shoots. He closed his folder, leaned back in his seat, and looked up. Hanbin looked up at the same time and they met eyes again. Bobby turned to look at the man at the front of the table. 

The meeting concluded with the final question. Everyone stood and bowed, and then were sent on their way. 

One of the surgeons stopped Bobby to shake his hand. “Pleasure to meet you today. My husband and I are big fans. We can’t wait to meet Cheonsa!” 

Bobby balked before shaking the woman’s hand back. “Thank you, ma’am. It’s an honour to meet you.”

“So charming,” she said, laughed, then turned on her heel to return to her husband. Bobby sighed. Must be nice. 

Sunday would never have enjoyed it here. His ex was never the outgoing type, but rather the type to draw people to her and wait to see if she could hypnotize them into sticking around. Her demureness was a spell. It occured to Bobby that she would never have wanted anything to do with this show. Bobby was always the one dressing Cheonsa up and showing her off to friends. She could never be bothered. 

As he walked out to the lobby, his shoulder collided with another man’s. 

“Sorry,” Bobby said. 

“It’s fine,” Hanbin responded. He waved before sticking his hands into his pants pockets and heading outside to catch his ride. 

Bobby exhaled a deep breath. He let his legs give out beneath him, sat in a chair in the lobby. 

He took a moment to recoup. Honestly, Bobby had no idea what to expect from Hanbin, but even with no expectations he still did not know how to reconcile the awkwardness of having encountered him. He had no prepared reactions. He just had to live and carry on. 

He breathed, stood up, and left through the back way to find his car. 

-♡-


	2. 1b

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This is the rest of chapter 1. I wish I could have gotten the whole thing out at once but it _just_ wasn't ready. I have to work on anything until I feel like it's as good as it's gonna get. Next chapter will move more into Hanbin, and the competition between Double B. Thank you for reading!

“He was so awkward, Chanu-ya,” Bobby pressed for the umpteenth time, trying to will his hands to cling to the mouse and keyboard and not flail. He implored, rhetorically, “What do I do _? _ ”

“I understand the predicament,” Chanwoo responded. He blew something up and hit a jackpot for healing items. Bobby would need them. Chanwoo allowed him some. “Can you please defend the right tower? You’ve been running in circles for half the round.” 

It was so hard to focus when the topic of Hanbin was practically obscuring his vision. He was right there in the forefront of Bobby’s mind and demanding attention. It had really left a mark, if Bobby was being honest. It was just awful. 

“I don’t know if I made a good decision.”

“You BEEN making bad decisions.”

“Not in the game, Chanwoo.”

“Life’s a game, hyung. And you’re losing both.”

As Chanwoo finished his sentence, Bobby was hit with a grenade, and his character died. 

“Truth hurts.”

“This game is stupid,” Bobby declared. He half-heartedly kicked the system. “I’m gonna go hang out with Minwoo.”

“You don’t usually get mad at the game,” Chanwoo said. He seemed to have no issue playing and counselling at the same time. Must have been a gift. “What’s bothering you, really?”

“Nothing,” Bobby said. “I’m just under stress at work.” 

“Let me know if I can help,” Chanwoo said. “And let me know what runway show you can get me into.”

Bobby sighed. “Sure.”

“Sweet. You’re my hero, Bobby-hyung~”

With a smirk that Chanwoo could not see, Bobby disconnected his headset and exited the game. 

He leaned back in his chair. He flipped his hand around so he could view the inside of his wrist. 

The tattoo-like signature remained etched on his skin, blacker than vein, as though the ink had been poisoned dark. It often felt that way. He scratched at it like an itch. 

_ Oh Sunday, _ he thought.  _ I’m really in it now. _

Bobby checked the time. He had only been playing video games for less than an hour. And it was not like Cheonsa would be waking up from her nap and giving him anything to do anytime soon  — he did not need to pick her up until tomorrow. 

Bobby wondered for a moment  — did he have friends? Did he have anyone who would take him out to party? And then Bobby remembered that he did not party, and his friends would never take him to one. It was a sore subject, even after all this time. 

Bobby had depressed himself into a rut. Seriously, no sane parent should be thinking about getting their kid early on a Friday night to watch Octonauts together. 

Bobby called Minwoo and asked if he was down to get a drink. Minwoo agreed. Bobby called Jinhwan as well, but Jinhwan had recently begun preparations for a comeback, and he had to miss out. Despite his better judgement, he called Junhoe, and Junhoe said he could make it. He could not invite Chanwoo on principle. Chanwoo might make him talk. Everyone else was busy with something or another, which was fair. It was still a weeknight. 

He met Minwoo and Junhoe at the small bar down a small road in the back of Itaewon. It was a place to escape to. No one paid it much mind. 

Junhoe was accompanied by his manager, for obvious reasons. They got themselves a booth, and Junhoe immediately ordered shots and naengmyeon. 

“You sure about that one, brother?” His manager asked.

Junhoe shrugged. “It’s not my body having a comeback next week.”

His manager sighed. Bobby ordered whatever Minwoo was getting. 

Bobby drank a shot. And anther. And another. And another.

It got to the point where Junhoe noticed. When Bobby raised the fourth shot to his lips, Junhoe caught his arm, and slammed the shot back down the table, causing the contents to spill off the rim. It was a rough aid. Junhoe was a little inebriated himself. 

“Dude,” he said, confusion creasing his thick eyebrows into something wildly judgemental. “Calm down. You’re gonna get sick.”

“I miss when we used to eat in silence,” Bobby drawled. 

“We’re not eating,” Junhoe said. “You can’t be serious with this drinking.” 

Bobby stared at the hand wrapped around his wrist. He conceded. Four shots would do.

After dinner, they group left the booth. Bobby insisted on contributing money to the meal, but everyone, simultaneously, said they could handle it. 

They approached the door of the dingy little bar. It was a walk upstairs back into the neon limelight. 

Junhoe wrapped Bobby up into a wordless, smileless hug. It was how they knew to give and receive comfort from each other, born of absolute  _ need _ for someone to hold. They got each other, quietly, awkwardly, their heartbeats muffled under misplaced affection. 

Minwoo placed his hand on Bobby’s back and walked him out to the parking lot. 

“I can’t help but take some blame for this,” Minwoo said to the stars. 

Bobby immediately shook his head. “No. Don’t. You had my best interests in mind.”

“But maybe not Cheonsa’s. And that directly affects you.”

“Don’t worry about Cheonsa,” Bobby said. “It’s your job to worry about me, and my job to worry about Cheonsa.”

“How did the meeting really go? You never told me. Not really.”

The two entered Minwoo’s car, Bobby on the passenger side. 

Bobby closed the door. “It was… fine.” He conceded. “It seems like a really nice show. Even the people seem nice. I thought they wanted nothing to do with me, but no one treated me bad.”

“Except Hanbin?”

Through his clouded mind, Bobby thought about it. He really tried. 

“Hanbin was okay,” Bobby said. He shrugged. “Just okay.”

Minwoo seemed to get it. He nodded.

Bobby nodded. He looked down. 

Minwoo said, “Hey. You keep looking down on yourself for this, but has anyone looked down on you yet? All of your friends want to attend the live shows. Your parents are supportive. Your mentors still believe in you. Isn’t that all that matters?”

The intention behind his words were clear.  _ There are people who love you in this world. That want you to succeed. _ A push in the right direction. A helpful bit of advice. An awkward but lingering hug. Screw all the rest. Bobby relented. 

This was okay. It really was.

Bobby looked at Minwoo, who eyed him imploringly. 

Bobby gave him a smile. “You’re right.” 

Minwoo smiled back. He rubbed Bobby’s shoulder before putting the car in drive.

- ♡ -

By some work of divine intervention, everything was going alright. 

The set was bustling. There was the regular crew, writers, directors, stylists, plus people hired to be ‘caretakers’, which were basically a crew of four people that kept a rotational watch over the babies and their parents to make sure no one was lost, as well as ensuring the baby gates were locked and the playpens were clean. 

Bobby held Cheonsa’s hand and walked her to the dressing room they were assigned: Number 2. 

A few days prior, they had filmed the preliminary content to be ready to insert into the episode. A small camera crew arrived at Bobby’s house with a host, and Bobby had gone through the motions of his daily routine with Cheonsa, and gave a small interview. 

Cheonsa, obviously, did not take after her mother. She was incredibly comfortable with other people, as well as with being on camera. He even got her to nod and agree at a few points. 

_ “What is the most joyous part of being a parent?” the host had asked.  _

_ While Cheonsa nibbled on a teething ring, Bobby answered, “She’s a treasure. I actually  _ **_made_ ** _ my own treasure.” He smiled, cheekily. “It’s very cool. It’s an honour to care for her.”  _

He brought Cheonsa over to the rack of costumes and searched for the one labelled with her name. 

_ “What is the most difficult part?” _

_ “That’s… hard to answer. Maybe… the crying.” _

The theme of the first runway show was Beach Day. It was meant to send off the summer season. Cheonsa would have lots of fun with this. She loved playing mermaid. Bobby thought about dressing up as Mr. Sea Monster, but with the help of his stylist team, they determined that might miss the mark.

_ “Who is your biggest competition on the show?” _

_ Bobby thought about that for a moment. It was technically Hanbin, since they were the only two on the same playing field. But he smiled cheekily and said, “Mrs. Jang. She is a stylist, after all.” _

The set was fully heated, so that was good. Bobby brought a light cardigan for Cheonsa just to make sure. He also brought her frilly socks to wear under the sandals. They matched the frilly skirt of her swimsuit. Bobby thought she looked absolutely darling in it all. 

_ “Is your child going to be crowned the cutest idol?” _

_ Bobby’s smile grew. “Absolutely.” _

Bobby had worn his swim trunks under his sweatpants, red and blue, so he did not have to worry about changing. He wore a beachy windbreaker and sunglasses, matching, and brought a star-shaped pair of mini sunglasses for Cheonsa to wear as long as she could tolerate them. He was probably wearing the same loose tank top as he wore to the initial meeting, but whatever. Bobby was a dad, not a fashion connoisseur. 

It was almost time for the show to start. It was incredibly therapeutic to see all of these babies around. No one was visibly stressed, neither the parents nor staff, and all of the kids were hyped about dressing up and being doted on by their parents. It was great! All fashion shows should be made for babies. And charity, of course.

When all dressed up, Bobby took Cheonsa’s hand again and walked her backstage. 

“Are you excited to show everyone your sand bucket, Cheonsa?” Bobby asked.

Cheonsa gleefully lifted the blue bucket into the air. “Yes!”

Bobby smiled and patted her head. When he looked up, he saw Hanbin approach. 

Hanbin was wearing an all-white, linen tunic, like some sort of South Asian prince. He walked Bogyun in, and Bogyun was wearing the same outfit, only smaller, along with a Burberry bucket hat from the new toddler line. How did he even get a baby to wear a hat? A towel was hung on Hanbin’s arm patterned the same brown and red plaid as the hat. 

Hanbin gave Bobby a small smile. 

Stunned, all Bobby could do was wave. 

Hanbin nodded and walked away. 

Oh no. He was _not_ being made to look like a deadbeat dad by **_Hanbin_** of all people. Where did that guy get off flexing like that… on _babies?_

Bobby would have to brainstorm on this one. He squeezed Cheonsa’s hand. 

“Ready to go, baby?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Cheonsa replied. “I like sand.”

Bobby had not yet figured out how to disappoint her, so he thought he would save it for later. 

Before long, the filming had begun. The cameras went around backstage, gauging and recording everyone’s feelings. Bobby offered a huge, crescent-eyed grin, and took Cheonsa’s chubby baby hands in his to make them wave. Her little bucket swung about.

Hanbin was set to go just before him. They were going by surnames, and since they both bore the surname Kim, they went by the children’s first names. 

The first and second sets of parents preceded them. As the second set of parents and their baby walked off stage, the staff instructed Hanbin to line up at the starting point. As the previous contestants entered the backstage area, Bobby sent them a supportive shake of his fists to say  _ fighting!  _ The parents smiled and did the motions back. 

The applause died down, and Haru announced, “Kim Hanbin and Kim Bogyun!”

The two walked out on stage. It was adorable to see Bogyun flounder along, young, and clearly still unsteady on his little feet. Bobby could not help but chuckle at the sweetness of him. 

But Hanbin… Hanbin had no business moving like a model. He kept his free hand in his pocket, head held high, and sashayed along like a professional. Maybe he was doing it to be funny. This was not a competition, not really. There was no reason to worry about who won in the end. But for some reason, Bobby’s smile fell flat. 

Hanbin walked offstage with the same swagger. Bogyun managed to keep his hat on the whole time. It was an impeccable performance all around. It made Bobby simmer. Scheme. Was it the lights in here or something making his cheeks warm? He was feeling very… affected.

Hanbin at least had the decency to look bashful as he passed by Bobby offstage. His head lowered. Bobby looked down to Bogyun and saw him take his fist out of his mouth to wave. He looked at Cheonsa, who had initiated the waving. His own daughter.

“Cheonsa…”  _ Don’t wave at the enemy.  _

He did not have the heart to say it out loud. He just huffed. 

“Mr. Kim Bobby,” the stagehand said. “You and Cheonsa are up next, come with me to this line?” 

Bobby nodded and followed. 

The staff positioned them in the ready position. “You’ll exit on the other side, okay? Someone will help you down.” 

“Got it,” Bobby smiled. 

The staff bent down and held up a hand. “Good work, Cheonsa!” 

Cheonsa high-fived her. The stagehand gleefully jogged down the stairs to prepare for the next contestant. 

Haru announced, “Kim Bobby and Kim Cheonsa!”

Bobby heard an uproar of whistles and applause, most of it presumably coming from Minho, who had insisted on premiere access to the show. 

They walked on stage, Cheonsa toddling along excitedly beside him. She might have even been skipping. Bobby thought his own heart would skip a beat at the cuteness.

They got to the end of the stage. Bobby struck a pose. Cheonsa jumped excitedly and showed everyone her bucket. “THIS MY BUCKET!” she proclaimed. Everyone cooed and laughed. Bobby was so proud  — what a natural! What a star! He could not help but beam.

Bobby looked out into the audience. Minho winked at him and gave him a thumbs-up. Some members in attendance were already whispering excitedly.

And hey, Bobby decided, if they wanted to whisper about him, then he was not there to disappoint. 

To Cheonsa, he instructed, “Wait a second, baby,” and let go of her hand. She stayed.

Bobby shrugged off his windbreaker. He suddenly did not feel insecure in his tank top at all. 

Bobby threw the jacket over his shoulder and winked at the audience, making sure to flex. He heard Minho burst into laughter. 

He took Cheonsa’s hand again, and the two walked off stage together. 

The stagehand assisted them down from the stage platform. “Good work, Cheonsa!” they said. “G-good work, Mr. Kim.” They blushed. 

Bobby winked. The staff hid her face and jogged away. 

Bobby had missed this. He had missed having an affect on people. He had missed being the one in charge of the stares being directed at him, of the opinions formed of him. So much of his life lately had been lost to his situation. It was nice to reclaim some control over the image of his body. He felt dirty sometimes, knowing people knew where he’d been. 

He shrugged it off, like a dust mite between his neck and shoulder.

He picked up Cheonsa and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. He lowered her, and they proceeded to walk back to the changing room together. 

Hanbin was backstage near the exit door, wrapping Bogyun up in the Burberry towel, using it to play peek-a-boo. It made Bogyun laugh, tears drying on his cheeks. And that much, at least, was raw. Bobby knew this well. No matter what item you buy for your kid, no matter how expensive it may be, the only worth in the item was determined in how it benefited their lives.

Hanbin looked up. “Bo...bby…” he quickly stood up. He swallowed. 

“Hey,” Bobby responded. 

Hanbin did that thing where he tried noticeably hard not to look at Bobby’s arms. “Uh… good… j — ”

“I’ll catch up with you later,” Bobby said. “Cheonsa might get cold.”

Hanbin said, off-put, “Right.”

Bobby raised his eyebrows to say goodbye. “Good work, Bogyun,” he called over his shoulder, and the stage door closed behind them. 

Once Cheonsa was back in her pants and sweater, Bobby texted Minho. 

**Bobby:** Enjoy the show?

A few minutes later, Minho responded. 

**hugeboy:** DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE 

**hugeboy:** BOBBY’S BACK, BABY

- ♡ -

It was an unspoken spark to the competition between Bobby and Hanbin, but from that moment, it was on.

- ♡ -


	3. two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey pals! I decided I'm going to dedicate a chapter to each show (in fic). I think organizing it that way is going to help me in the long run. thanks for reading! also sorry it's been boring, starting in chapter three we are going to involve Hanbin a LOT more, I just needed to get the groundwork set up. xo

Bobby pushed Cheonsa in her stroller through the town shops. Minwoo accompanied him, as well as his bodyguard, a fellow he called Baymax hyung. They were heading to the boutique that Bobby made an appointment with — or rather, his mother encouraged him to make an appointment with. The next theme was a little out of his realm of expertise. 

The theme of the week was Royalty. Bobby wanted Cheonsa’s dress custom made. He was already in this deep, might as well go all out.

The group stepped into the boutique. The head seamstress met them at the door. 

She bent down to shake Cheonsa’s hand. Cheonsa was too busy looking in every direction at the dresses on the walls to care, but she let her hand be shaken. 

“She’s very excited,” Bobby said. 

“That’s wonderful,” the seamstress replied. 

Bobby bent down. “Go ahead, Cheonsa,” he gave her a little push. “Tell me which ones you like.”

Cheonsa darted off in the direction of the sales floor. She immediately took them to a red dress, silken and frilled.

“That one?” Bobby asked. He took it off the rack to look at it. 

Cheonsa ran over to another part of the boutique. “This!”

This new dress was aqua-coloured and covered in silk net and rhinestones. Bobby smiled. He put the red dress back on the rack and walked over to the wall to check out this aqua dress as well. 

A few minutes later, the camera crew met up with Bobby at the boutique to do his interview, and the store was closed off to the public for the duration of their appointment. Minwoo and Baymax hyung stayed incognito, as much as possible for two grown men in a toddler boutique.

“What are you two looking for?” the host asked. 

Bobby put a finger to his lips. “It’s a surprise. Cheonsa is designing her own dress.”

Cheonsa, on cue, zipped over to Bobby with a purple dress in her hand. It had a high neck with fur around it, and it was the most majestic looking one of the bunch so far. They were getting closer to their target. Bobby might love this exact style in blue.

“Thank you,” Bobby said, and slung the dress over his arm. He followed Cheonsa as she sped away again to find the next thing that brought her eight seconds of enjoyment. 

The host carried on with the preliminary interview.

Before they knew it, Cheonsa was back with her newest selection. She pushed a white dress with pearls embroidered among the fabric into his hands. Bobby thanked her, and she sped off again. 

“Are these all for her?” the host asked. 

“Oh no,” Bobby said. “I don’t even think most of these are her size. I just want to have an idea of what she likes.”

The group walked through the store — a quick tour that would probably be sped up in editing. By this point, Cheonsa had agglomerated a thorough array of options. 

“The results were just revealed that you placed third place in the last show,” the host said. “How do you react to these results?”

Bobby had seen that. Taeyang and Miyun had come first, followed by a model family and their son, followed by Bobby. Hanbin placed immediately after. And while it made Bobby feel good to do well, he knew he could do much better. 

“I think Taeyang sunbaenim and Miyun did a great job,” Bobby said. “This week, Cheonsa and I are putting in a lot of work, so please look forward to us.” Bobby placed his hands together in a prayer stance.

A second camera had been following Cheonsa around the store. The cameraman was smiling like an idiot as Cheonsa showed the camera all the dresses she liked. 

“Say bye, Cheonsa,” Bobby said. 

“Bye,” Cheonsa said sweetly, and waved. 

“Cut,” the cameraman said. 

The other camera cut as well. 

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Kim,” the host said, and gave him a bow. 

“No problem,” Bobby said. He turned to Cheonsa. “You done exploring?”

“NO!” Cheonsa announced happily, and sped back into the depths of the boutique with the vigor of a cheeky leopard. 

Bobby figured, due to being a toddler, she would not be done exploring for a while. He decided it was as good a time as any to place his order. 

He selected a few of Cheonsa’s candidates for inspiration and took them to the counter. All of Bobby’s dad-ly experience with Disney was really coming in handy for the rough sketch. The seamstress put on her glasses and took out a pen and paper. 

“I want it to have a big skirt like a hanbok,” Bobby explained, “but everyone is going to be in a hanbok, you know? So we’ll go for more of a Western style, like in Disney. I was thinking Beauty and the Beast meets Cinderella.”

They went through the seamstresses’ catalogue of styles. Bobby pointed out what he liked from a few of them, and specified where he wanted the extra fur and ribbon. The seamstress made a note of it. 

When they were done with the design sketch, it was time to take Cheonsa’s measurements. 

“Cheonsa!!” Bobby called. “Where’s my baby?”

Cheonsa skipped over from under a rack of clothing, laughing all the while. 

Bobby bent down and opened his arms. “There’s my baby!”

Cheonsa ran into his arms. Bobby picked her up and made spaceship noises. Cheonsa laughed delightedly. Bobby carried her in somewhat of a football hold over to the tailoring area in the back of the store. 

Bobby remembered the time when he was too afraid to touch Cheonsa, as though she was a glass doll, barely held together by gossamer at the seams. He remembered his hands shaking as he slipped them under her body, and she was so tiny, she had fit in the palms of his hands… he remembered dropping a tear on her elephant-patterned onesie—one that drooped over her limbs like a giant potato sack—and worrying that it bruised her.

He had finally mustered up the courage to lift her out of the crib and cradle her in his arms. The world disappeared like nothing else mattered. Like the heart on his wrist was never meant for anyone else.

Bobby dropped Cheonsa—literally—off on the platform. She bounced on her feet and laughed.

“Cheonsa,” Bobby explained, “the nice auntie is going to see how big you are, so please don’t move, okay?”

“Okay,” Cheonsa said. She stood still. It was amazing to Bobby how much that little brain could understand, even if she could not respond with the same depth. “So agreeable,” the seamstress commented offhandedly, and she measured the width of Cheonsa’s shoulders.

Bobby said, “Thank you, ma’am.”

He did not want to be a distraction, so he stepped aside and opened his phone. He responded to a few messages before he was out of things to do. 

He looked up Hanbin’s instagram profile. 

Oh? He saw a new post. Bogyun was smiling at the camera, eating oatmeal in a little high chair. He wore a crown on his head. How did Hanbin get Bogyun to wear hats?? Cheonsa hated them. 

Bobby took out his phone camera. He brought it over to Cheonsa. “Smile, baby!”

Cheonsa had her arms stretched out while the seamstress measured her arm span. She smiled with all her baby teeth showing at the camera. Bobby giggled and snapped a picture. He would upload that later. 

Bobby left the camera app and went back to Instagram. 

Hanbin had posted a picture of himself with Bogyun. He was smiling. He was smiling so wide one eye was closed and the other was still open. 

…

Hm.

Nevermind pondering. 

The day of the performance rolled around in a proverbial gilded chariot. 

Bobby thought he should have a proper debut for her or something. Cheonsa looked _beautiful._

Her hair was tied back in two French braids that joined to twirl down the length of her neck. Bobby was used to seeing her hair in two ponytails. With her hair pulled back like this, she really reminded him of her mother. He supposed that was a good thing. Her mother was beautiful. Cheonsa had all of her strong features — the eyes, the cheeks, the nose. The only thing she got from Bobby was her personality. Sometimes he saw himself in her pouting lips. He was not sure if it was selfish to rather her be less attractive in favour of resembling him. 

_“She looks just like you,”_ Jinhwan would declare. But Bobby had trouble seeing it. Maybe as she got older the features would come in. But Jinhwan insisted that Bobby was right there in her facial structure. That Bobby and his brother Jiun both had very strong genetics — it could already be seen in Raon. That Bobby would open his eyes to it eventually, but it was already there, clear as day. 

Jinhwan was currently standing with them in the hallway. He had slipped out of the audience section to pay a special visit to Bobby. The cameras enjoyed the family reunion for the moment and it would no doubt please the fans. Now they had some time to be alone together. 

Jinhwan held onto Cheonsa’s hand. Bobby crossed his arms and leaned on the wall. 

“She looks great,” Jinhwan said. 

She did look great. The dress had come out beautifully — a bright, royal blue with white fur around the collar, doubling as a scarf, and the skirt of the dress was a perfect, silky cupcake, iced with a net of silver glitter. A ribbon as big as Cheonsa’s head was tied around her waist, and it bobbed as she walked. 

Bobby looked decent as well, if he did say so himself. He was all dressed up in his white shirt and tight, black slacks, white gloves covering his hands. He had wanted to do some makeup for this look, but being in a baby pageant meant he would have had to ask someone for help, because there was no on-call makeup artist. Bobby just used his finger to drag some black eyeshadow around his eyes. Whatever. Still looked hot. 

“Thanks,” Bobby said. “When do you have to get back to the audience?” 

“Soon, Junhoe’s gonna text me when everyone is seated,” Jinhwan reported. Then, “Hi, Hanbin.”

Bobby turned his head. Hanbin and Bogyun had entered the hall on the way to their changeroom. 

Hanbin smiled — it was the first time Bobby had seen Hanbin smile in a long time. He shook Jinhwan’s hand and the two hugged with one arm each. It was a little awkward, considering the babies attached to their hips. 

The ensemble was clearly incomplete, but Hanbin seemed to be going for a matching theme with Bogyun, like last show. And, God, nevermind the matching outfits, but Bogyun’s _face_ — he looked just like Hanbin. Just a mini Hanbin.

Not fair.

“Hello, Bogyun!” Jinhwan cheered. Bogyun said nothing. He just chewed his fist. 

“He’s still shy,” Hanbin said. 

“No worries,” Jinhwan said. “He’s got time.”

“I’m gonna go get ready,” Hanbin said. 

Jinhwan put his foot in front of Hanbin, stopping him from leaving. He said, “Bobby is here,” conversationally, as though it did not have to be deliberately pointed out to him.

Hanbin paused for a moment, as if waiting for Jinhwan to elaborate. When he did not, Hanbin turned around to see Bobby. He gave a meek wave. 

“Hey,” Hanbin said. “Are you well?”

How awkward. Bobby gave the same halfhearted wave in return, a little delayed. 

“Uh, yes, I’ve been well,” Bobby said. “How’s Bogyun?”

Hanbin looked at Bogyun. He bounced the toddler a little as if testing for a reaction. Bogyun dribbled on the cuff of Hanbin’s white shirt. 

Hanbin reported, mellowly, “He’s excited to be here.”

Despite himself, Bobby smiled. A small tug of his lips at one corner. It was Bogyun’s fault.

Hanbin’s eyes widened for a moment, and with a bob of his Adam’s apple, Hanbin looked down to the floor. 

“HI,” Cheonsa said, suddenly, startling Bobby’s gaze away from Hanbin. 

Bogyun looked at Cheonsa with the same quail eyes that his father had lodged in his big head. Bogyun blinked at her affirmatively and a bubble appeared on his lips. 

“I’ll get Bogyun-ah’s teething ring,” Hanbin said, nodded to Jinhwan, and excused himself. “Have a good show,” he said, then disappeared into his dressing room. Cheonsa waved them off.

Jinhwan said, “At least he’s feeling friendly today.” 

Bobby raised his eyebrows. “Friendly?”

Jinhwan’s phone buzzed. “Show’s starting!” He kissed Cheonsa’s head and handed her off to Bobby. Bobby took her, then set her down. “Don’t forget her crown.”

“How could I?” Bobby whined. “Doesn’t a princess need her crown?”

“Yes,” Cheonsa replied. “Daddy, I want crown.”

“We’ll get it now, Cheonsa,” Bobby said. He pulled her along to the dressing room so she could put the finishing touches on her costume. 

Jinhwan waved them off. He tried to slip past the staff members, but he was caught by one, and he let them escort him to the audience. So that was amusing. 

Firstly, Bobby completed his look. He pulled his tuxedo jacket off the rack and slipped it on. The long coattails bounced as he adjusted the jacket on his shoulders.

As a finishing touch, Bobby pulled Cheonsa’s crown out of his duffle bag. It was a grand tiara — sterling silver, and fake sapphires, of course, but pretty enough to demonstrate elegance in the craftsmanship. Bobby was very satisfied with his selection. Navigating toddler boutiques ain’t easy.

He slipped it delicately onto Cheonsa’s head. Her silky hair fell around the band that held it in place. Cheonsa gave him a big smile. Bobby felt his eyes watering. He took out his phone to take a picture, and Cheonsa, the talented little poseuse, smiled and said ‘cheese’. Bobby snapped the shot. 

“Beautiful,” he said. He coughed to stop his voice from breaking. “Let’s go show everyone your outfit, baby!”

“Yeaaaah,” Cheonsa cheered, and took Bobby’s hand. 

The second show called for the same process as the first. The participants all met up backstage, and stagehands helped everyone find their places at the correct times. This time, Bobby did not see Hanbin much at all. The one time he did see the other dad, Hanbin was almost pointedly, bashfully, looking away. 

The time came for Cheonsa to walk the runway. Bobby positioned the blue handkerchief over his arm. The paisley added his own charm to the look. With the other arm, he reached out for Cheonsa’s hand, and she took it. 

Wow. His little princess. 

The two walked out to greet Cheonsa’s adoring subjects. The lights reflected off their costumes and illuminated them. He heard coos rising from the audience like chanted praise. This game of imagination was going to his head, warping his perception of everything. But that was the fun in playing House.

He smiled wide. He told Cheonsa to curtsey, and she did her best version of it. She received a positive reaction, aweing and claps. 

The two exited with the same grace from which they had debuted. 

Cheonsa took the crown off her head and threw it onto the floor. It hit the linoleum with a clang. At least she had lasted the show, that was all Bobby could have hoped for.

Bobby did not see Hanbin before he had gone out on stage, or after. Must have been the timing. 

-♡-

It was not like Bobby to get caught up in reality shows, but the day after filming found him on the edge of the couch seat, chewing on the inside of his lip. He had to see this go down. 

The segments were still on that followed every cast member before the show. Hanbin and Bogyun had just been hanging around at a friend’s place — Jaewon, Bobby knew him. They did not say or do anything interesting. This was not the interesting part. 

Finally, it was Hanbin and Bogyun’s turn. 

He recognized Hanbin’s outfit immediately. He had caught it out of the corner of his eye the previous night. Hanbin was dressed as a king, that was obvious. He wore all white linen, this time sharper in colour, and a red cape billowed down the length of his back, over strong shoulders held squared. A crown sat atop his head, matching a smaller one on Bogyun’s. 

And Bogyun was done up the same, albeit his cape was much shorter, only reaching the bottom of his back. 

Bobby did not _get it_ . How did Hanbin look so _good_ ? Did he have a team behind him? How was he so camera-ready? Maybe he was born this way? Maybe it was Maybelline _??_

Whatever. Be that as it may, Bobby was going to do so well in this competition. Everyone would see how much he loved his daughter.

He just did not understand what more he could do. Bobby clasped his fist in his hand, rubbed his knuckles. His bracelets swung idly on his wrist as he fidgeted, causing friction against the heart on his skin. 

_“Bobby.”_

Hanbin?

Bobby looked to where his attention was drawn away from himself, his thoughts. 

Cheonsa handed Bobby a male Barbie doll. _Oh,_ he thought, _she meant Barbie._ Of course. Of course it was Cheonsa, who else would it be...

“Yeah, baby,” he accepted the doll. “This is barbie.”

In her hands, Cheonsa held a stuffed dog and a female Barbie. “Walk dog!” Cheonsa sang. “Go walk, dog!”

Bobby breathed. “Yes, baby,” he said. “Time to walk the dog.”

“Daddy,” Cheonsa said. “Want dog.”

“Maybe later, Cheonsa,” Bobby said. “Let’s walk dog.”

“Yes,” Cheonsa agreed. “Leswak dok.”

Bobby breathed steadily. Best not to overthink it.

-♡-


	4. three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is doing okay in quarantine :/ It's a really uncertain and depressing time, I am right here with you. Hopefully this update can provide some joy. Sidenote: my brain is really foggy from just not doing anything I think so if there are typos I missed sorry! xo

The next week arrived just as quickly as the last show wrapped up its scores. Taeyang and Miyun won, followed by Hanbin and Bogyun, immediately followed by Bobby and Cheonsa. It was a close game for sure, and if the scorecard was based solely on originality, Bobby would have won, but Hanbin did perfectly execute the theme.

So that was that.

But this was this. 

Bobby tried not to wrinkle his nose.

The set was bustling in velvet tracksuits and sweatpants. The theme of the week was Athletics. 

This one Bobby was certain he had in the bag. While the other contestants were a fair bit more glamorous than Bobby, Bobby knew he could easily one up them in sportswear. He was a self-proclaimed king in this world of lesser fashion that slipped under the noses of upperclass folk, strutting the concrete catwalk in Vuori and Jordans. 

Bobby had decided that this would be a matching outfit. Their outfits were ordered and imported from Canada a while back, and he had Cheonsa’s outfit altered to fit. Bobby wore a charcoal long-sleeve, an accentuating piece laced with silver to wick away sweat, and a black jacket over top. He rolled his shoulders back to adjust the jacket, disappointed in the way it hung off his frame. He should work out more, he thought. He had lost some of his bulk since his younger days, when he and Donghyuk would do nothing but hit the gym and write songs about girls they didn’t know. 

Sunday was never the girl in those fun, beach day songs, but he would have liked her to be. He really would have. 

His hair was gelled for a wet effect and curly, pushed back behind his headband. He tilted his head and sighed. 

Cheonsa waddled up to him and tugged on his sweatpants. Bobby looked down at her and smiled. 

“Are you excited, baby?” he asked. 

Cheonsa nodded. She was all decked out in Lululemon tights and a cute little knit sweater that slightly hung off her shoulders, and whether that was the style of the top or Cheonsa was still just too small to fit into it, Bobby thought she looked very athletic. A little yogi master in the making. 

“Perfect,” Bobby said, his voice barely above a whisper. Cheonsa looked up at him with deep brown eyes that were all her mother’s. A little smile that was too lovely to register as his. 

He took her hand and walked her backstage. 

A lot of the contestants had already gathered, preparing for the show to begin. Bobby’s friends of the week — Chanwoo and Yunhyeong — were already seated in the audience. The stagehands scurried around the set, trying to round up all the babies and their parents and get everyone and their Adidas in order.

Bobby did a final check to make sure they were ready. Shoes, clothes, accessories—

Shoot, he forgot Cheonsa’s headband. It was one of the accessories he needed to slip on at the last possible minute. 

As a stagehand bustled by, Bobby respectfully caught her arm. “Excuse me, miss,” he said. “Is there anyone I can leave Cheonsa with? I just need to run and grab something.”

“Of course, sir,” the stagehand replied. “Just leave her with me.”

“Thank you,” Bobby said. “I’ll only be a moment.”

She reiterated, “No problem.”

“I’ll be right back, Cheonsa baby!” Bobby called, looking at Cheonsa as he ran to make sure she was content. “Say hi to the nice lady!” 

Cheonsa shyly said hi. Bobby smiled and turned around. 

He looked forward just in time to see a body directly in front of him. As he swerved to the side, the other person’s foot caught his ankle, and lost their balance. An instinctual reaction, Bobby’s hands flew out to grab the person and steady them before they could fall.

Hanbin stared at him with wide eyes. Bobby’s lips parted in shock.

They stood there for a moment, Hanbin bent slightly backwards, locked tightly in place by Bobby’s hands, resisting the pull of gravity. Bobby whiteknuckled Hanbin’s shoulder in one hand, and supported Hanbin’s ribcage in his other, as though they were dancing.

Hanbin swallowed. Bobby watched the pull of the muscles in his throat.

He clued back in. He quickly righted Hanbin and let go. Hanbin rolled his shoulders. 

“Uh,” Hanbin started, still looking shocked, “thanks.”

Bobby’s stomach spun. This was so embarrassing.

“No, I’m sorry,” he apologized. It was his fault, after all. He rubbed the back of his neck. 

Hanbin shook his head, indicating Bobby shouldn’t worry. He tugged at something by his side. “Come on Bogyun, you’re fine.”

Bobby gasped. He looked to the floor and saw Bogyun perched on his butt, not crying, but not looking entirely happy either. 

“Oh fu… ah,” Bobby could not believe this. He had assaulted a baby. “I’m _so_ sorry.”

“Don’t make a big deal,” Hanbin said quickly. “He doesn’t know he’s hurt. He only knows if you tell him.” To Bogyun he said, “Come on, Gyunie. Up.”

To Bobby’s surprise, without a sound, Bogyun let himself be pulled to his feet. Incredible.

“No harm done,” Hanbin concluded. 

None? Bobby felt that was overgenerous.

“Still,” Bobby said. He knocked over a toddler. He should really be more mindful. But he suddenly remembered why he was running in the first place. “Ah, sorry, I gotta go!” he said, and sped off, this time looking determinedly forward. 

He barely saw Hanbin wave goodbye before Bobby was through the door, leading him back through the hallways and to the dressing rooms. He gently pushed by workers and contestants making their way to the stage, the opposite flow of traffic, and dove back into the changeroom. He tripped slightly to the floor, tore the headband out of the duffle bag, and hurried back. 

At the time he returned, the show had begun, and Haru was announcing the first contestants of the night’s show. Bobby heaved out a sigh of relief that he returned on time. He scanned the room for Cheonsa, and quickly found her by the line of contestants waiting for their turn to walk on stage. Bobby jogged over. 

“Hey,” he said, a little breathless from adrenaline. “Thanks so much.”

“No worries, sir,” the stagehand said, and let go of Cheonsa’s hand. Cheonsa ran into Bobby’s arms, and Bobby caught her in a hug. He fell to one knee to hug her properly. 

“Thanks for being such a good girl,” Bobby said, and gave her chubby cheek a kiss. 

“Yes,” Cheonsa proudly replied. She looked to the stagehand for additional validation. The stagehand told her she did well, smiled, and waved goodbye before returning to her duties. 

Bobby stood upright and held Cheonsa’s hand. He grasped the headband tightly in the other. It would be too soon to put it on her head now, she would throw it off before they even made it on stage. 

Bobby exhaled the breath he held in his cheeks. He looked around. 

Hanbin joined the line behind Bobby. Bobby quickly averted his eyes. 

In the rush of panic that overtook him earlier, Bobby had failed to notice the outfits that Hanbin and Bogyun had on. Now he noticed they were in hoodies and sweatpants, fuzzy sweatbands on their heads and wrists, all matching, looking more cute and cuddly than sporty. But there was no harm in that, Bobby supposed — Athleisure was the new black. And it worked for Hanbin. He looked sweet. And Bogyun. Yeah. Bogyun looked sweet too.

Before long, Bobby and Cheonsa were bouncing on stage to do their walk. Cheonsa practically skipped to the end of the stage, as though the outfit was giving her power. She still pretended to be shy as she coyly posed with her fist in her mouth. She gave the crowd a shy, over the shoulder smile. A natural. Bobby slipped his jacket down to his biceps, gave a flash of shoulder, then jogged with Cheonsa back off stage. 

Still hyped, Bobby picked Cheonsa up and spun her in circles, eliciting cries of happiness. He kissed her and set her down. “Great work, baby. We killed it this time.” No one could say they did not follow the theme to a T now. He held up his hand for a high-five and Cheonsa gave him a firm hit. Bobby cheered for her again. 

After a moment of letting the hype die down, Bobby decided it was time to get Cheonsa backstage to change. Cheonsa took off her headband and threw it down.

Bobby sighed. “Cheonsa,” he tried to discipline her again, “don’t throw things.”

“Mmph,” Cheonsa pouted, and rubbed her head as though it had given her a headache. She looked at it on the floor as though she had a vendetta. 

Bobby bent over and picked it up, then righted himself. “Come on, ba—”

A flash of teal appeared in his peripheral vision. It caught Bobby’s attention, and Bobby turned around. Hanbin had finished his turn and had again made his way backstage. 

At least this time Bobby saw him coming. But apparently Hanbin did not see Bobby, because he shoulder checked Bobby as he walked by. Bobby stumbled. 

Hanbin looked over his shoulder. “Oh,” he said, “sorry about that.”

“Ah,” Bobby was prepared to let it go as an accident, “No worries.”

Then Hanbin gave him a smirk, winked, and rolled his shoulders, as though brushing Bobby off. 

Bobby’s jaw dropped. Oh, so that was how it was going to be, huh? Petty.

“Come on, Cheonsa,” Bobby said, determinedly shrugging the lingered pain in his shoulder. Hanbin had such a hard shoulder, man. Leave it to him to rub Bobby’s nose in all his own shortcomings. He really had to work out.

Cheonsa grabbed his hand, and soon after, but later enough to put space in between him and Hanbin, Bobby took Cheonsa backstage.

-♡-

Yunhyeong stood in the recording booth. Cheonsa sat in Donghyuk’s lap, secured firmly against his chest. Cheonsa played with a xylophone so she could feel like she was helping. 

It was the first actual work Bobby had done in a long time. Not that he was _not_ always working, of course; the difference lied in how he felt about it. It was like a doodle versus a masterpiece. He could sketch out songs all day and night, it was not a real accomplishment for him. But working with Donghyuk and Yunhyeong on this track was the first solid accomplishment Bobby had added under his belt in a long time. This was his first solid something in what felt like forever.

“Nicely done, Yunhyeong,” Bobby spoke to him through the intercom. “You ready for the next verse? Need water?”

“I’m good to go,” Yunhyeong replied. 

Donghyuk gave him a thumbs-up through the glass, and Cheonsa gave him a thumbs-up as well, although she stuck up her index finger rather than her thumb. Donghyuk beamed and croaked out a ‘ _gyeooooo…_ ’

Bobby gave him the go and diligently kept the sound leveled with smooth work of his fingers. Music was intimate, in a way. A hard lover to leave for too long.

Cheonsa fiddled with her own plastic soundboard. 

Bobby had taken time off after she was born. Real time off. Part of him just wanted to be with her, to be a good dad, but another part of him just… it was like a gravitational pull in the pit of his stomach that his heart dropped into when he thought about it. Another part of him just knew not to trust Sunday alone with the baby. Because it was his baby, and she was just looking after it. 

It was his fault.

He looked at the bracelets on his wrist. The black mark he was branded with showed through the gaps. Teasing. Ridiculing.

Coming back into music had been a process. He still had not released any personal work, only worked on tracks with others, given tracks to others and requested not to have his name publicized. He would record background vocals sometimes, sample his previous tracks other times, but he had not been ready to step back into the spotlight. Being a composer was working behind the scenes. 

He did have a part on this track, albeit it was mostly Donghyuk and Yunhyeong. Bobby and Yunhyeong sang in harmony for one part of the second verse. It was nice. Truthfully, it was a little inspired by Hanbin. Hanbin did this sort of thing in his music — there but only there as an echo. Bobby liked Hanbin’s mind. 

The audience liked Hanbin’s mind too. Baby or no baby, Hanbin was a machine, constantly putting out tracks that were hailed in the music community as works of minor genius, and to the public as bops for the charts. He was good on stage too, again, baby or no baby. He had barely taken a break before he had gone right back to work, out in the spotlight like he could not be bothered with it, just another scandal to bounce back from. He was lucky to make it out unscathed… relatively unscathed. In the fashion competition he worked the stage like he owned it, and although he had placed third last week (Bobby second, Taeyang first), he still was a natural. He still seemed to have it figured out. 

A knock on the glass startled Bobby out of his reverie. 

Yunhyeong was on the other side. He waved and asked, “You okay?”

“Sorry,” Bobby said. He sniffled, rubbed upwards at his nose with enough force to feel it in his brain. “Did you finish singing?”

“A little while ago, yeah,” Donghyuk said. “We wanted to give you a moment.”

“I’m fine,” Bobby said, a delayed response or a diversion, whichever got him off the hook. 

“I’m here for you if you need to talk,” Yunhyeong said, and put his palm flat on the glass. 

It was a nice gesture. 

“Yunhyeong…” Donghyuk said, gently. “You can, uh, come out here if you want, buddy.”

“Oh,” Yunhyeong said, and pulled his hand off the glass. “Right.” He made the short walk to the door and reentered the main studio, out of the recording cubicle. 

He rubbed Bobby’s shoulder, then sat down in the empty chair behind Donghyuk and began making faces at Cheonsa. 

“Thanks,” Bobby said. “But really, s’all good.”

“Mm,” Donghyuk said. “We can take a lunch break if you need it, bro.”

A lunch break with Donghyuk meant detox juice and working out, but that still sounded more appetizing than wallowing in his thoughts. Flood all the empty spaces in his thick skull with a shot of tumeric and adrenaline.

“That sounds pretty fire, actually,” Bobby conceded. He stretched. “I’ll need the gains if I’m gonna take Hanbin in this week’s show.”

This week’s theme was Free Round, meaning the participants got to choose their own concept. It was a total wildcard that could potentially even the scores should everyone play to their advantage. The only problem was Bobby had no idea what to do, and that meant Hanbin was probably leagues ahead of him. So Bobby only had his body going for him at the moment. Hanbin was brains and brawn. Bobby was brawn.

...He was aware he was thinking about the toddler fashion show like a military operation, yes. 

Donghyuk handed Cheonsa to Yunhyeong. Yunhyeong let out a high-pitched cheer as he accepted her into his arms. 

Donghyuk gave Bobby a light hit on the shoulder. “Relax, man,” he said. “It’s not The Hunger Games. You’re not fighting for your life, here. It’s a dollhouse.”

Huh. Maybe Bobby did have it in his head that this was about surviving. Like if he lost he would lose everything again. Like this was a lifeline. 

He looked over at Yunhyeong bouncing Cheonsa on his knee. Maybe Bobby was being dramatic, but that beautiful angel… she deserved it. She deserved to have respect on her name. And maybe… maybe he did too. 

He needed this. He literally needed this and fuck Hanbin for being better than him. Fuck him entirely. 

Bobby stood up and cracked his back. “Let’s go.”

Donghyuk sighed. “Yunhyeong, you coming with?”

“I mean, I have his daughter, so…” Yunhyeong held her up for explanation. “Unless I’m keeping her, I guess I’m coming with.”

“I can take her, hyung,” Bobby said, and reached out his arms for her. “The gym has a daycare.”

“No no, it’s fine,” Yunhyeong said. “Baby Cheonsa and I will go to the cafe across the street. Someone has to show her what real hot chocolate tastes like, not that… icky powdered yuck.”

Nice censoring. 

Bobby shrugged. If he trusted anyone to take care of his daughter, it was Yunhyeong. Bobby was fairly certain that Yunhyeong kicking Bobby’s ass to clean his room and eat real food had saved his life a few times. “I got a sippy bottle for her in the baby bag.”

“Sweet,” Yunhyeong said. “What do you say, Cheonsa? Do you want hot chocolate?”

“Ma-mawow,” Cheonsa said, chewing on her fists. 

_“Marshmallow,”_ Bobby translated.

“That too,” Yunhyeong said. “Exceptional pairing skills. You take after your uncle.” To Bobby, he said, “I can’t wait to introduce her to cheese and wine.”

Donghyuk said, “Take it easy, dude, let her grow all her teeth first.”

“Cheej!” Cheonsa smiled with all her little front teeth. Yunhyeong cheered back, obviously agreeing. 

Bobby sensed another five-day sliced-cheese diet coming on like a headache.

The two pairs headed downstairs and parted ways at the Black Label lobby. That chandelier was bright and imposing as ever. Yunhyeong went across the street, but Donghyuk and Bobby ordered a car to take them to the YG Building to use the gym facilities. 

In the backseat of the car, Donghyuk was first to break the silence. “Any thoughts in that big head?”

Bobby shrugged. “A few.”

“Care to share?”

“Nah.”

Donghyuk laughed to himself. “Uh-huh,” he nodded. “Then continue to not share your thoughts about Hanbin.”

“Hey,” Bobby rubbed his face. “You don’t know that.”

“Oh, I know that,” Donghyuk said. “You’ve been livid.”

“I’m in a competition,” Bobby insisted. “And you saw! You saw how mad he was that me and Cheonsa slayed his ass.”

“You’re too old for English slang, ahjussi.”

“I’m just thinkin’,” Bobby said. He sniffled. “And s’not just about him.”

“Then what’s it about?”

“Help me brainstorm,” Bobby said. He pulled out his phone and opened his Pintrest account, which, of course, was totally not an ahjussi thing to do and Donghyuk totally was not right about him being old. “I have no idea what to do for the Free Round.”

“Did you consult your stylist team?” 

“I did,” Bobby said. “They said they can help me create my idea but they would need something to work with first. We all got nothing.”

“What does Cheonsa want to do?” Donghyuk suggested. 

Bobby sighed. “Probably eat cheese.”

Donghyuk smiled. 

Seeing as they were in lazy clothes anyway, they decided to just head home after working out to change instead of going all the way home for spare clothes. So when they arrived at the YG gym, they put their jackets in lockers and headed the gym without much of a fuss. Donghyuk put his hair into a ponytail. 

Bobby got to work on dumbells. Donghyuk seemed to be doing some complex stretching routine that might have been a form of yoga. 

When he was finished, he headed over to a machine near Bobby to work out his arms. Bobby joined him, settling himself into a chair so he could work out his shoulders with heavier dumbbells. 

After a few sets, Donghyuk sighed out a breath and shook out the bangs that had slipped free of the hair tie. He pointed at Bobby. “Hey,” he said. “You know who could help you? Jinhwan hyung. He’s always doing too much with his style.”

“I guess,” Bobby said. He tried to avoid sounding breathless or wincing. “But what if—what if his ideas are stupid?”

Donghyuk laughed. “And yours aren’t?”

“Ah,” Bobby dropped the weights next to him for a moment. He rolled his shoulders to relax them. “This is too much pressure.”

“It’s a baby fashion show!” Donghyuk laughed. “It’s barely even about you! Hey, forget this, why not just leave it up to Cheonsa? Let her have a say in it all. Just let her be herself for the free round. Who gives a fuck?”

_I give a fuck_ , Bobby thought, like stormcloud above his head.

“One more set,” Bobby said instead, “then I want to detox and eat. I need to get my baby back before Yunhyeong can influence her.”

“Roger that, brother,” Donghyuk said, and resumed his workout. 

-♡-

Bobby called first to make sure it was okay if he came over, and of course, Jinhwan could not be happier. He made a joke about finally wearing Bobby down. He was kind of right, unfortunately — Bobby was coming around to the fact that he might need to… expose his vulnerabilities. So after dinner, he arrived with Cheonsa, hand-in-hand, at Jinhwan’s dorm.

“Cheonsa!” Jinhwan cheered when he answered the door. He was in a grey, silken robe, but he wore pajamas underneath, and for that decency, Bobby was grateful. “Such a nice surprise to have you over!”

“Uncle!” Cheonsa beamed.

“Uncle has a present for you,” Jinhwan said, “since he knew you would be coming over. Come in and see.”

Cheonsa skipped into the house. “You didn’t have to…” Bobby started, then stopped. 

He saw someone sitting on the couch in Jinhwan’s dorm living room. 

Hanbin. It was Hanbin. Except in the three days that had passed since Bobby last saw him, Hanbin had gone blond. Platinum. Fucking. Blond. 

Hanbin made one hell of an entrance and he was not even the one entering. Now that was talent, credit placed where credit was due.

They froze when they saw each other, a glass of red wine in Hanbin’s hand. His grip seemed to have locked on the glass. Bobby would not have been surprised if it shattered in his hand. Bobby’s jaw set tight. 

“Here you go!” Jinhwan said, and presented Cheonsa with a Barbie doll, wearing an outfit almost identical to the one Cheonsa had worn in her Athleisure show. The doll even came with a tiny pet bunny, and Cheonsa did not have any Barbie bunnies yet — a dog, a cat, even a horse, but not a bunny, so this must have been exhilarating. Cheonsa jumped in excitement and quickly got to work on admiring the new doll’s clothes. 

While Cheonsa was distracted, Bobby pulled Jinhwan close to him and spoke under his breath.

“When you said you were free,” Bobby said through gritted teeth, “I assumed you meant _alone_.”

“You wanted me to be alone?” Jinhwan simpered. “How selfish.”

“Stop putting the moves on me, you know I’d sleep with your boyfriend.”

“We don’t have to unpack all that.”

“Come on, Jinhwan,” Bobby implored, “seriously? Him?”

“Who?” Jinhwan batted his eyelashes. “The guy you don’t hate?”

Bobby exhaled. Fire might have flared out of his nostrils. 

“Uh,” Hanbin interrupted, and Bobby and Jinhwan quickly turned to face him. “I was just leaving.”

“You were not,” Jinhwan said. “We barely finished half the bottle.”

“It’s enough for me,” Hanbin said. “I don’t want to be too hung-over for the thing tomorrow.”

The filming would be happening tomorrow, on Tuesday. Bobby had no idea where to ask the producers to meet him, so he decided he would bring them into the studio, that could kill two birds with one stone. Bobby still had to work on editing the song.

Jinhwan sat beside Hanbin on the couch. He said, “You and Bobby have a lot to brainstorm, hm? You two could probably help each other out.”

Oh? Hanbin needed help? How curious. Bobby felt Cheonsa tugging at his leg, saying something about wanting a bunny, and he absentmindedly replied, like, _yeah that’s great honey,_ and then Cheonsa threw herself into the baby bag to select a few toys to join the game with her newest friend. Bobby crossed his arms. Staring.

“God,” Jinhwan wrinkled his nose, “you don’t have to _linger_ like that.”

“Sorry,” Bobby said, and then continued to linger.

Hanbin stood up with his glass in his hand. He brushed his other hand over the back of Jinhwan’s neck, an ostensibly delicate gesture. Jinhwan blinked up at him, just as gentle. Hanbin then sauntered over to Bobby — or maybe that was just the alcohol, putting a little sway in his hips. Perhaps he was stumbling.

“I should go,” Hanbin said, a bit more affirmatively than the first time. 

He took a sip of red wine, licked it off his lips. He then handed the glass to Bobby. Bobby, unsure how to decline such a brazen gesture, accepted the leftover alcohol. 

Hanbin smirked. “Don’t worry, I didn’t poison it.” 

The wet tint over his lips and the smirk curling them told a different story. Hanbin looked like a snake.

Hanbin was quite a character. He wore a black dress shirt with flared out sleeves that he had unbuttoned to the bottom of his sternum, paired with black dress pants that were a size too large. He looked like he could not decide if he was dressing up or down. Plus, that _hair._ He was uninterpretable and that was threatening.

He grabbed his jacket off of the doorside table, shook his hands in his pockets, seemingly searching them. Bobby heard a pair of keys jingling in one of the pockets. Satisfied, Hanbin sent Bobby one last smile before turning the door handle. 

Bobby could not figure this whole interaction out. He could not control his expression, eyebrows scrunched and eyes squinted dubiously at the other man. 

Before Hanbin slipped out, he caught Bobby’s eyes. Hanbin’s face softened. 

“May the cutest man win,” Hanbin said.

To the best of Bobby’s knowledge, Hanbin was rarely so bold outside of work. This was either the alcohol talking or the same burst of pettiness that caused Hanbin to intentionally collide with Bobby’s shoulder the other night. Something in Hanbin wanted to see Bobby stumble. Bobby was not about to give him that. This was big talk for someone who came _third_ last show.

“Thank you, but I’m not concerned,” Bobby said. “I have Cheonsa.”

Hanbin exhaled audibly, shook his head, almost fond. “Same old Bobby.”

Bobby crossed his arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hanbin,” Jinhwan said from the couch, and if you were not trained to listen for it, you wouldn’t hear it as a warning.

Hanbin shook his head. “Nothing,” he said. “It’s supposed to mean nothing. Bye. Enjoy… Jinhwan.” He lazily gestured in Jinhwan’s direction. 

Already in the hallway, Hanbin said, as though it was barely an offhanded comment, “You know how this goes, Jiwonie. If you’re not concerned… you should be.”

The door pulled shut.

Bobby turned to Jinhwan in disbelief. “What a punk.”

Jinhwan scoffed. “Good to see you two hitting it off.”

Bobby pff’d and plopped down on the couch. He suddenly remembered he was holding a glass of alcohol, and awkwardly placed it down on the table. 

Jinhwan asked, “Would you like your own glass?”

“No, thank you,” Bobby declined. “I gotta look out for Cheonsa.” 

Based on his track record, Bobby knew he tended to lose his better judgement when he was under the influence on alcohol, and he would never want to be impaired while having custody of Cheonsa. Jinhwan did not comment on Bobby’s choice. He dumped the rest of Hanbin’s drink into his own glass and picked it up, swirled it in his hand.

Changing the subject, Jinhwan said, “So talk to me.” 

He crossed his legs, pinching the end of his silken robe and draping it over his knee. It clashed terribly with his plaid pajamas. But only Jinhwan would have such an outlandish idea. Bobby leaned forward on the couch and clasped his hands together. 

“I need ideas from a man who knows how to dress,” Bobby said. 

“Hm,” Jinhwan said. “You know, costumes aren’t really my thing outside the bedroom. But I am willing to give you tips. For example, I think Cheonsa would look beautiful in a LALA onesie.”

Everyone had seen the cute LALA collections. They were timeless, had been so for years. Bobby had discovered them on one of many late night internet scavenges for high-quality baby clothes, and he knew they made quite a name for themselves. He owned a few pieces.

“I still need a theme, though,” Bobby said. “Bless me.”

“I can’t just decide that for you,” Jinhwan shook his head. “Have you considered any possibilities? Bullet-noted any ideas…?”

“Nope,” Bobby said. 

Jinhwan sighed. “I’m not a magician, Bobby. I’m a fashionista. I can’t just pull a rabbit out of a hat for you. I need something to work with.”

… 

Hm.

“Daaaaddyyyy,” Cheonsa jogged over to Bobby and crashed into his knee. She caught herself on his leg, dropping her toy into his lap. The rabbit. 

Bobby picked it up in his hand, studied it. He bit his bottom lip between his front teeth. 

Hmm.

Something was coming together in his mind. A puzzle of all the suggestions he had received thus far were just… clicking into place.

“LALA onesies,” Bobby circled back to Jinhwan’s suggestion. “So, like, one of those character onesies, right?”

Jinhwan tilted his head in curiosity.

-♡-


	5. four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension heats up between our PTA moms Karen and Susan.

Cheonsa’s feet  _ pad-padded _ against the floor as she proudly strode in holding Bobby’s hand. The traction on the bottom of her booties made a sticky  _ pop _ sound with each of her movements forward. Bobby was a little shyer than she was, but held it together for the sake of their success. High risk high reward.

Bobby had taken a piece of advice from everyone. He decided, in the end, that they should just go as themselves. And that was how Cheonsa ended up in a white onesie with angel wings, and Bobby ended up in a bunny onesie complete with a hood of floppy ears. Cheonsa would have her halo headband put on later. 

It would all be worth it in the end, Bobby told himself. The fawning over him and his daughter helped keep him strong, but fuck if he was not rosy in the cheeks. He tried to keep his bashful bunny grimace hidden.

In doing so, Bobby slightly knocked into a body. He sighed. 

“Hello again,” Hanbin said, cooly. There was no vitriol in the tone, rather he sounded genuine, and almost condescending. This was unfortunately becoming a normal occurrence for them.

“It’s not on purpose,” Bobby mumbled back. Not that Hanbin would believe him.

Bobby pulled off his hood so he could see in his peripheral vision again. He sniffled. He met Hanbin’s eyes. 

Hanbin was dressed in a simple, white, silky shirt and blue jeans with suspenders, but the suspenders hung off his shoulders, around his thighs. He wore clean Timberlands, and, bringing his eyes back up the length of Hanbin’s body, he saw that Hanbin was wearing a crown of little red flowers. And that blond hair; not to use the Lord’s name in vain, but God damn. 

Maybe it would have been better to end the conversation, but Bobby asked, “What is this concept?”

Hanbin said, “Flower boys.”

Bobby looked to Bogyun to see he was in an almost identical outfit, but his shirt was plaid, blue and white, and he did not have suspenders on his jeans. His flower crown was pink and white. He was very cute, Bobby would admit that. 

Not cuter than Cheonsa, though. 

Cheonsa waved at Bogyun. Bogyun clung to his father’s leg but timidly waved back. Bobby suppressed the urge to make a scene. 

Bobby scoffed. “That’s something you want to perpetuate, you know… in your position?”

Hanbin knew what Bobby meant. It was only a little dig. 

Hanbin raised his eyebrows. “Have you seen what you’re wearing?”

“That’s fair,” Bobby said. He encouragingly shook Cheonsa’s hand. “But that’s okay. Cheonsa and I are going to do well this week.”

Hanbin gave a short laugh. “We’re not going to take it easy on you, if that’s what you think.”

“You don’t need to,” Bobby assured, forcing a smile back. “Cheonsa can hold her own.”

“Yes,” Hanbin said, his voice a little pinched. “I see Cheonsa is very… angelic.”

“Thank you,” Bobby absolutely did not express any gratitude. “Bogyun is looking very… floral.”

Hanbin clenched his jaw. “Thanks.” 

He heard the buzz of the timer counting down the minutes until showtime, of the staff speaking into walkie-talkies and urgently jogging around backstage to ensure everything was ready to go. 

Bobby said, “See you later?”

“Yeah,” Hanbin said. “See you.”

“Hope your show goes well.”

Hanbin said, stiffly, “Thanks. Yours too.”

Bobby countered, “Thanks.”

“Thanks.”

They dumbly idled for a moment.

Hanbin exhaled through his nose, then speed-walked past Bobby as fast as Bogyun’s legs could keep up. 

As soon as he was well away from the two of them, Bobby got down on one knee to address Cheonsa. 

“Cheonsa,” he said, gently, “Daddy needs you to put on a good show tonight. The best you can. Can you do that? Can you be the best tonight?”

Cheonsa smiled and jumped happily. “Okay, daddy!”

God, Bobby loved that she was two and knew nothing of impossible standards and inferiority complexes. He gave her a high-five. 

They took their place in line, Bobby ignoring the giggles and coos as best he could. The other contestants, especially the mothers, all tried to get Cheonsa’s attention for a brief moment, and Cheonsa acted shy, but she smiled at them all. 

When the contestants before him finished their turn, Bobby placed the halo on Cheonsa’s head with a glowing smile. 

When their turn was announced, Bobby and Cheonsa took over the stage. The small studio audience gasped, laughed, and cooed at them. Bobby smiled his best bunny smile. He was fairly certain he heard Donghyuk’s laugh specifically, although it was hard to see past the lights, and Donghyuk was in hysterics. Cheonsa charmed them all, smiling with her face in her hands. Bobby took her hand in his soon after they were done their poses and walked her back off-stage. 

Taeyang was still backstage when Bobby walked Cheonsa down the stairs. Taeyang laughed and slapped Bobby’s shoulder. “You’re a trooper, brother.”

Bobby blushed. 

Miyun, the slightly older of the two kids, said, “Hi, I like your wings.”

Cheonsa smiled. “Hi!!” 

“What do we say, Cheonsa?” Bobby prompted.

“Thank you!” Cheonsa cheerfully added.

“She’s so kind,” Bobby complimented Miyun. 

“Cheonsa ain’t doing that bad either,” Taeyang smiled. “Come on, Miyun, let’s get changed. You and Cheonsa can play together some other time, eh?”

It was always nice to hear the support of a successful father.

“Okay, daddy,” Miyun said. “Bye Cheonsa!”

“Bye Miyun unnie!”

As sweet as that was, Bobby was glad it was over. He was fairly eager to change out of the bunny costume. It seemed that Cheonsa was equally ready to change out of her costume too, because she took the headband off her head, but Bobby caught her hand and offered to hold it before she could throw it to the floor.

After they got changed, Bobby texted Donghyuk. Donghyuk had already blown up his phone with bunnies and laughing emojis. Bobby ignored them and asked Donghyuk to meet him in the foyer, and to flash his vistor’s badge if he had to. He did not want to be alone anymore, he needed reinforcements.

**Bobby:** Show your vistor’s pass if you have to

**Bobby:** Just so they know ur cool

**Donghyuk:** I’m ice cold 8)

Thank God Bobby looked up from his phone to roll his eyes, because he narrowly avoided another collision with the one and only. 

He was not sure if it was his sudden jerk to a stop or simply his presence that attracted Hanbin’s attention to him. Hanbin turned his head, and they saw each other.

Bobby sniffled and cleared his throat, swallowed. A silent ‘hey’. Permission to address him.

Hanbin clearly saw that.

Bobby’s sweater hung low enough on his neck to reveal his jugular notch, the entire length of his neck to his clavicle. Hanbin’s eyes flicked down to watch the movement of his Adam’s apple, and back up to Bobby’s lips, as though he was having trouble knowing where to look. He was wide-eyed and his lips were pouted. But maybe that was just the natural size of his features. He had a big head and nose too, so Bobby would not be surprised if he just always looked like a lost deer. 

Perhaps Bobby should have broken the silence  — offered a ‘nice show’, or ‘have a safe ride home’, but… Bobby didn’t want to. Plain and simple. The competition was not fun when it came to competing with Hanbin. And Bobby was teetering on the edge of going full Karen.

“Ok then,” Hanbin said, quietly, and moved to turn away.

Bobby said, calmly, “You’re not gonna win this game.”

Hanbin turned back around, said, “Don’t do this in front of the kids.”

That rubbed Bobby the wrong way. “Don’t tell me what I should do in front of my kid. Worry about yourself. You think you’re so much better at parenting than me?”

Hanbin scrunched his eyebrows. “I’m not the one throwing down at a kid’s show.”

“Well I’m not the one recovering — ”

Bobby felt a hand on his shoulder. Startled, he turned around to see Donghyuk had come up behind him. 

He turned back to face Hanbin. The man had an unreadable expression on his face. If he was whiteknuckling Bogyun’s hand, Bogyun did not show any reaction to it. 

Hanbin’s friend Seung put an arm around Hanbin’s shoulders. “Come on man,” he said. “Let’s head out.”

“Yeah,” Hanbin said, almost vacantly. He shot Bobby one final look before he passed him by, and somehow lost in the pull of his gaze, Bobby’s eyes followed the tail of his silk shirt until Hanbin was lost in the crowd.

Donghyuk waited a moment. Then he said, “You okay?”

Bobby’s trance was broken. He sniffled. He confirmed, “Yeah.”

Donghyuk smiled then. “Nice show. You really took my advice to heart, huh?”

“Yeah,” Bobby said, weakly. The humiliation of doing aegyo made his throat feel raw to speak about it. He shook his head. “No more advice.”

Donghyuk laughed. “Trust me, just wait for the fan reactions tomorrow. Don’t come crawling back to me when you have girls begging to eat your carrot.”

Bobby could not stand around and let his daughter listen to such profanity. Bobby scooped Cheonsa up, eliciting a cheer from her, and the three went to find their company car.

-♡-

Bobby sat in front of his television, eagerly watching the show on Sunday afternoon.

The routine of doing the show had become familiar. Get ready, perform, go home and worry at his lips until the results were announced the next night on the website. For those who decided to binge-watch, or for those who simply did not want or care to check, the results of the previous week were displayed before each new show. The whole format of the show was designed to be as quick and easy on the toddlers and parents as possible. No one was ever eliminated, so there was no need to separate the results into a whole other episode. It was just… nice and fun. Of course. Fun.

He saw no point in watching the show on Saturday when it aired, since he was usually too busy to catch the program when it was on, and he could always catch up when the results came out and the videos were uploaded online.

He was now catching up online.

Fucking Choi Minhyuk and his Greek Gods theme with his daughter. The actor had been tailing behind but that shit had suckerpunched everyone. Not Taeyang, of course, but everyone that was still touchable. 

“Daddyyy,” Cheonsa called from just beyond the living room. 

“Not now, baby, daddy’s working.”

When he had seen the results for the first time, he could have screamed. They tied for third place. Tied. He and Hanbin each received, exactly, 2461 points. Right down to the 1s place. It had to be a joke, yet no one was laughing. His life was a cruel joke.

He watched Hanbin walk. He watched him very carefully, seething in rage. What did he and Bogyun have that was so special? Why were Bobby and Cheonsa not better? Bobby huffed. Now he and Hanbin were neck at neck, so it was truly anyone’s game.

The light glistened against Hanbin’s white shirt. He posed at the end of the stage with a smile, a shy sort of smile. He had dimples in his cheeks. 

Bobby gulped. Ragefully. 

It occured to Bobby that before watching it back, he had not noticed what anyone, not even Taeyang and Miyun, had done for their theme. 

-♡-

Luckily, they had the next theme, Halloween, in the bag. The free round was their practice round.

Cheonsa was getting a little popular at daycare. The staff said the kids wanted to play dressup all the time because of her, and they all asked her for advice about their outfits. When Bobby asked if the fame had gotten to Cheonsa’s head yet, the noona laughed and told him that it was quite the opposite, and she loved helping others dress up. She loved to brag about her dad too, and how he bought all of her pretty outfits. Bobby blushed at that and hurried back to his car. 

When he got to the YG building, he threw up a peace sign for a young photographer with a camera that had pointed her lense at him from a respectful distance away, and with that he had to focus on work. 

He closed the door behind him. His access key worked in the main building, but he was treated as a guest as opposed to a regular employee. He could still get where he needed to go, though. Today he was going to meet up with a producer about working together for a song, a side project to Bobby’s own. He texted his hyung to let him know he was there. 

A shrill  _ yell _ startled Bobby from his phone, and he added an unnecessary punctuation mark as his fingers shook from one button to the ‘send’ icon. He looked up to see what creature had shaken the glass lobby. 

“...Told you not to come here,” Hanbin said as he came around the corner. A girl was very close to him, seemingly bumping their chests together to intimidate him. She was wearing a black hoodie and large sunglasses, so Bobby had no clue as to her identity.

“Oh, so I can’t even talk to you anymore?” the girl shrieked. “I need to MEET with you and you’re not even going to be civil — ”

“I’m not talking to you here.”

“You know what HANBIN,” the girl prattled on, “you’re so high and mighty. I’m just talking to you and you’re gonna throw me out like you don’t KNOW me, you piece of shit?”

Oh, alright, Bobby understood. She was crazy.

“Who let you in?” Hanbin demanded.

“YOU KNOW ME,” she screamed. “YOU’RE NOT TOO GOOD FOR US, YOU BASTARD,” she threw hands, grabbed at his hair, and he simply grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away. A man standing a few feet behind him, probably a manager, stepped forward, but did not yet intervene. 

“Are you high?” Hanbin asked. 

She slapped him across the face. 

“I’m calling MR. LEE,” she sobbed, as though she was struck. “And if you don’t answer my FUCKING CALLS — ”

“I won’t,” Hanbin said, then threw her out of the building with a shove of her arm. He locked the door behind her, so the front door was made key card accessible only. 

“I’m so sorry, Hanbin,” the man said. “She said…”

“She says too much,” Hanbin waved him off, and quickly shirked him, setting off down the hall in the direction of the elevator as fast as he could walk. 

Bobby was stunned. When he collected himself, he looked out the door to the building, but she was long gone. Probably did not need the press catching wind of her getting tossed out of a building. He unlocked the door again so as to not inconvenience other guests.

Bobby’s phone buzzed and his hyung indicated he was eagerly awaiting his arrival. Bobby smiled and headed to the elevator that would bring him upstairs. 

When he stepped out of the elevator, he stopped short. Hanbin was there, at the end of the hall, perched by the window and smoking. The window was slightly open, but these windows did not open much, for both the sake of acoustics and safety. 

Hanbin’s eyes drifted to where Bobby stood. Bobby wondered if he should say anything. He was curious as all hell. 

Hanbin clunked his head against the window and exhaled a cloud of smoke. The sunlight caught his blond hair, the mussed up, dead flyaways. There was a pink print on his pale cheek. He looked so… deteriorated. So Bobby decided to leave him be, to wilt in peace. 

Bobby stepped into the studio to work. He greeted his hyung with a casual handshake and plunked himself down to compose.

About an hour later, they heard a knock on the door. Hanbin stepped in, but was slightly startled to see Bobby there. His eyes widened. 

Bobby gave a short wave, a raise and drop of his hand. 

“Hanbin?” the hyung said. 

Hanbin blinked. “Oh, hey, I could come back later.”

“Nah,” Bobby spoke before he could stop himself. “You’re here now, why leave?”

Hanbin looked at him, eyebrows creased as if searching for the punchline. Bobby did not have one. He simply did not want to make Hanbin’s day more complicated than it had to be. Plus, he liked Hanbin’s work. He was curious about what business Hanbin had here.

“Don’t fuck with me,” Hanbin said, dryly. “Cause I’m not in the mood.”

That was intense. Hanbin had that kind of way about him. He could command the very air in a room to make it as thick and dark as he wanted it to be. It made Bobby’s heart rate pick up. 

“I won’t even talk to you,” Bobby said. “How ‘bout that?”

Hanbin took a moment to consider. He stepped into the room and pulled up a chair. 

The hyung looked between them. “You guys… okay?”

“Perfectly,” Bobby said. “Just friendly competition.”

Hanbin raised his eyebrows and lowered them to plainly communicate that was a load of bullshit. Bobby liked how equally monotone and expressive Hanbin could be. 

Hated his guts, though. 

As it turned out, they were all working on a project together. The hyung was creating a few pieces of work for a group’s upcoming album, and of course the other producers would be weighing in with their potential contributions. Bobby, mind full of fresh ideas from his own album, eagerly added his own opinions and contributed to the beat of the track, and the ad-libbing. 

Hanbin participated more so musically, adding more professional opinions on acoustic piano melodies. He had a little keyboard on the table, like something Cheonsa would use, and it amused Bobby to see Hanbin play it. 

Hanbin tuned it. “Here,” he said, and played out a melody. He had changed the tone of the instrument to sound more to the effect of a grand piano.

Bobby watched Hanbin’s hands move. They were dainty, soft. You could see the bones in his flesh move like waves, like air under a sheet. Bobby’s own hands were a little more like spiders, he thought, but not as graceful. Kind of spindly.

Hanbin hummed under his breath as he played. He had a perpetually youthful tone, it seemed. 

It was all really nice. Bobby listened to it well.

“Hey,” the producer hyung commented, “that sounds kind of like Hello Tutorial.”

“Yeah,” Hanbin said, and his fingers slipped off the keyboard. “I worked on Zion. T hyung’s newer stuff.”

“You worked with Zion. T, eh?” 

Without looking up from the keyboard, Hanbin said, “I’ve worked with everyone in this company.”

Subtle flex.

When Hanbin was done, Bobby changed the instrument to drum kits and placed his hand on the keyboard. His hand was pale even against the white keys, like a skeleton. Hanbin was pale too and yet had made that look pretty somehow. 

Bobby played it. It was not  _ terrible _ .

Hanbin snorted to himself. 

Bobby was not taking that sitting down. He pulled out his phone with a smirk. 

“Hey hyung,” he addressed the producer, “you wanted to see my daughter, right?”

“Ah, yeah!” the producer beamed. He scooted in closer to see Bobby’s phone screen. 

“Awh, she’s beautiful,” he said. “You guys did great in that show.”

“I know,” Bobby said, with a Cheshire little grin that twisted his cheeks up to his eyes. 

He dared to side-eye Hanbin. Hanbin looked displeased, but he just kept working.

“Hey, Bin,” the producer hyung suddenly interjected, “how’s your kid doing?”

Hanbin tensed up. Visibly. It seemed that their hyung had struck a nerve.

“He’s two, he barely knows he’s a person.”

Yikes. Bobby put his phone away, not making eye contact. Their hyung bit his lips together and looked back to the computer screen, slowly.  _ Oookayyy...  _

“I’m not doing this here,” Hanbin said, quickly. “Not here…” he breathed. “Not here. I’m supposed to be left alone here.”

He rubbed his forehead like a headache was coming on. Maybe it was a lingering pain.

It surprised Bobby how good Hanbin was at picking his battles. That was so not Bobby at all. Bobby loved to pick battles and picked as many as he could. 

But not today. He supposed, in the absence of a willing opponent, he could wait until Friday. 

“Let’s get back to work, then,” Bobby said, but to no one in particular. 

To his surprise, Hanbin looked at him, and his whole face had gone soft. Relieved. Bobby averted his attention.

-♡-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying it! Let me know any costume ideas, things you want to see, things you hope are explained, etc. I love the interaction! Lord knows I need the interaction in these trying times. Take care everyone xo


	6. five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY PROGRESS. We are at a turning point.
> 
> Also sorry if you see any typos. I always edit these before I post but I so often miss mistakes. Hope you enjoy!! Thank you for waiting for these updates, I know it is taking a while but we are moving along slowly but surely. xo

He flexed his fingers, painted over in white and grey so as to appear to be those of a skeleton. He wore a white shirt and white, form-fitting jeans, coupled by a black pinstripe blazer. The bones in his neck, jugular to chin, and his face, were traced over in the same white paint as his hands. Chains dangled from his belt loops. Cheonsa was painted white as well, starkly so, with two lines down the sides of her chin to indicate mobility of the jaw. Her hair was styled into pigtails, and she wore a dress of frills and doilies. A crack was painted down one porcelain cheek. A skeleton/doll combo reminiscent of The Nightmare Before Christmas, but with their own flair to it. They were taking gaunt and doll-like to a whole new level and Bobby (as well as Hayi, Donghyuk, and Jinhwan) was living for it, contrary to the theme. Har-har.

The two held hands backstage. Cheonsa skipped alongside Bobby, not terribly aware of how creepy she looked, just happy to be in a nice dress. Bobby smiled down at her.

This time, when Bobby bumped into Hanbin, he did not immediately register it as Hanbin. And they did not really bump into each other, not really. They looked up at the same time and caught each other’s eyes, and they were only standing a few feet apart. 

Hanbin was wearing half of a white mask, but after a moment to study the remaining portion of his face, it was unmistakably Hanbin. His eyes, his nose, his full lips. His hands. It took Bobby a moment to see Bogyun attached to Hanbin’s side, their fingers interlocked. Bogyun wore a loose white shirt, a black cardigan that reached his knees, brown tights, and a brown belt. There was a ‘blood’ stain on the front of the shirt that Bobby was pretty sure was washable paint. 

He knew Hanbin was meant to be the Phantom of the Opera. “What’s Bogyun?” Bobby asked, in retrospect, a little curtly. 

Hanbin said, “MacBeth. Why are you talking to me?”

Bobby blinked. He tilted his head. “To get a reply…?”

“Well stop,” Hanbin said, lowering his voice. “Why do you have to bump into me every week? Can’t you just leave me alone?”

“I told you, it’s not intentional,” Bobby scrunched his eyebrows. Hanbin was behaving like such a righteous brat. Why would Bobby want to bump into him anyway?

“Right,” Hanbin said, clearly not believing him.

“Seriously — ”

“Come on, Bogyun,” Hanbin said, and tugged on Bogyun’s hand. “Let’s go to our spot.”

He held his gaze in line with Bobby’s for a moment. Bobby, without averting his gaze, said, “Say goodbye to Bogyun, Cheonsa.”

“Bye, Bogyun,” Cheonsa said. 

Bogyun made no response. Bobby wondered how the kid was getting on intellectually. He was sure Cheonsa said her first word not a day later than one year old. But of course, Cheonsa was, not to brag, a genius.

Bobby exhaled a breath out of his cheeks and sniffled. “What a jerk.”

“What a jerk,” Cheonsa agreed. 

Bobby sighed. “Cheonsa… do you know what that means?”

Cheonsa shook her head ‘no’. 

Bobby sighed again. He would get himself into some deep shit before he learned to control his tongue. “Well you’re only allowed to say that word about someone who is really mean. And don’t say it to your noonas or uncles. Got it?”

“Gottit,” Cheonsa repeated. 

Bobby supposed that would do. He walked Cheonsa over to their spot in line to prepare for the start of the show. 

-♡-

Cheonsa killed it on stage, as usual. She even got a few gasps from the audience when she curtseyed like Bobby taught her to do. She was a perfect little doll.

Bobby had an itch on his eye, and despite knowing he would drag his black eye makeup across his face, he still went in on it. Hard. The show was over anyway.

When Bobby rapidly blinked his eyes to clear his vision, he saw Hanbin. The other man had taken off his mask. 

This time, when they made eye contact, Hanbin’s lips twitched at one corner, almost to smile. Bobby’s heart jumped into his throat. He waved a hand, uncertainly, and saw black makeup streaked across his knuckles. Hanbin smiled, looked down, then escorted Bogyun out of the room. 

Bobby sniffled and swallowed a lump in his throat. Either Bobby looked particularly funny or Hanbin was playing with him.

“Daddy,” Cheonsa said. 

Bobby looked down. He was startled looking at her. He sighed, closing his eyes, and let his sharp inhale of breath trickle out of his lips to calm him down. 

“Yeah, hold that thought, baby” he said, and took her hand. “Let’s get changed.”

-♡-

In his downtime, Bobby’s mind wandered. It was a respite from life he could not control slipping into. When so much of his life was focused around the present, it was almost therapeutic to just… dissociate. 

Bobby was curious about Hanbin. It seemed the boy had so much going on that Bobby saw a different bevel on his character whenever the other man turned his head. 

He decided to go on Youtube and see Hanbin’s segments of the show. He came upon the first one they ever did, in which the show conducted the preliminary interview.

He remembered doing this interview. Cheonsa was teething the whole time, situated on the rug like a potato sack with legs. It seemed like so long ago at this point in the competition, like this had been his life for ages. Cheonsa had even grown a little since then to boot. 

The same title card appeared over the screen that Bobby had gotten, except Hanbin’s card was blue rather than pink. The screen asked, as the interviewer had, “What is the most joyous part of being a parent?”

Bogyun was asleep on the couch beside him. Hanbin mentioned before the interview began that Bogyun had tried to stay awake, but the timing conflicted with his nap. It was just Hanbin, sitting on his white couch in the dorm, spots of grey staining the material where the throw blanket could not save it from the collection of dirt. 

Hanbin responded, “Loving something.”

His eyes were somewhat glassy, cloudy, staring off at the wall ahead of him instead of in the direction of the lights. There was no smile on his face, just a sad curl of his lips. His hands were clasped in his lap. He was poised. 

The words hurt Bobby deep in him. It was such a simple, frilless answer. So raw and finite. 

Loving something. The implication that he had nothing before. 

The scene played out for another ten seconds, as if holding out for Hanbin to elaborate, intending to allow him his allotted screen time. Hanbin’s mouth just pulled into a straight line, and he nodded. 

The next question appeared on the screen, and the music changed from something upbeat into something downbeat, heavy on the piano like chimes, a music box. The title screen asked, “What is the most difficult part?”

Hanbin took a moment to answer that. Heather clouds moved past the window behind him. Hanbin sank into the billowing fabric of his oversized white shirt. 

Hanbin tilted his head and said, “It isn’t easy… being a father. It’s not about Bogyun at all. It’s me. It’s difficult being me.” 

He laughed, smiled sadly, pivoted his head in the direction of the camera but looked down at the floor. “Yes. It’s difficult to be a father.” 

The title screen asked, “Who is your biggest competition on the show?” 

Hanbin’s eyes flicked up to look at the camera. Bobby’s heart skipped a beat. 

Hanbin’s smile opened to reveal teeth. His lips pulled cheekily up to the left as he goaded, “Isn’t it obvious?” 

He knew what reaction the viewers would have. What name would pop into their heads immediately. 

Hanbin continued, “Taeyang hyung,” even though that obviously was not the intended name to be implanted in the viewer’s minds. Hanbin spoke as though he was about to wink one of those shining brown eyes. He broke into a full smile, closed his eyes and laughed. He waved a hand, “No, no, I don’t have competition in this show. Only outside of the show. Taeyang hyung, I love you. Miyun-ah, I love you.” He weakly made a heart with his hands, but his awkward smile begged the segment to be over.

_ Only outside of the show. _ That statement did not bode well.

Finally, the title cards asked, “Is your child going to be crowned the cutest idol?”

Hanbin smiled, somewhat genuinely this time. He shrugged, looked down at the floor. “Ah… I hope so. I don’t know.” He looked over to his kid, his smile soft. “Bogyun-ah… fighting.”

The segment ended after that, and the show’s logo came on screen before the stream ended.

Bobby exhaled. He moved his laptop off his legs and rubbed his face in the palms of his hands. He cupped his chin in his hands, rested his elbows on his thighs. He sniffled. 

He was processing something. He could not make sense of the feelings Hanbin gave him, but they were tumultuous and depressing, and Bobby just… felt bad. He felt bad inside when he heard Hanbin talk like that. Bobby understood him. And it was hard to be cold towards someone once you understood them. The guy looked like he could use a pill and a hug.

Bobby had… had other things to deal with right now. He reasoned with his emotions. He sighed. He lazily lunged forward to heave himself off the couch, sleeves slouching off his shoulders, and trudged to the kitchen to make himself some food.

-♡-

**(7:20pm) Junhoe:** come over before door curfew

**(7:20) Junhoe:** let’s work

**(7:21) Bobby:** be there in half an hour boss

As a budding composer, Junhoe appreciated guidance in the creation of his tracks. Bobby liked to help him. It was one of the rare moments they had something to talk about. They did not have silence hanging over them like a wet moth on Bobby’s shoulder. And Cheonsa had already gone to stay with his parents for the weekend, so he was set.

Bobby got a car ride to the YG dorm building and managed to get in at 7:45, a solid but mere fifteen minutes to spare before his pass was nullified for the night. Junhoe met him in the lobby, and the two shared a handshake and a side-hug before stepping in line side by side to walk to Junhoe’s studio. They did not need to meet eyes or discuss where they were going. They knew the drill. 

When Bobby walked in, Hanbin was already there. He met Bobby with wide eyes, two square reflections of light from the computer monitor in them. He showed no apparent reaction.

Bobby would be lying to himself if he said he had not been thinking about Hanbin.

_ Loving something. _ It played over and over in his head like notes in perpetual motion.

“Never had both of you here at one time,” Junhoe expressed. “Are we taking turns?”

“No,” Bobby said. “We’ve worked together before.”

“Nice,” Junhoe said, then sat down next to Hanbin, and pulled out the chair on his other side for Bobby to take a seat. 

Bobby bowed at Hanbin before hurriedly taking a seat. Hanbin made a point of bowing his head in return. 

The three worked together for an indeterminable amount of time, as there were no windows in this small room, and they had no perception of where the hours went. 

Hanbin reached across the keyboard at the same time as Bobby, and Bobby’s hand trailed over Hanbin’s thin bones. 

They looked up, met eyes. Hanbin looked startled. 

Bobby curled his fingers away from Hanbin’s personal bubble. Quick to try and not make this weird, he said, “Sorry. It wasn’t intentional.”

That sounded familiar.

To his surprise, Hanbin laughed, gently. 

He responded, “It never is.”

Bobby let slide the edge of insincerity for the sake of appreciating the irony.

The mood was lighter after that. But then again, they were ‘outside of the competition’. Bobby was curious to know what Hanbin had in store for him next week. 


	7. six.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A turning point! Thank you to everyone reading and waiting for this fic to finish. I hope you like it. xo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> black lives matter. research how to best help your black community. https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/  
> happy pride month! research how to best help your lgbtq community. 
> 
> hope everyone is taking care!! and i hope you're finding lots of good fics to bring you joy! lots of love from me xo

Hair-clip in his mouth, Bobby turned a sharp corner to set the laundry bin down on his bed. He would have to deal with the rest of the laundry at a later time. He had gotten distracted by tv shows the previous night and woke up late that morning, and consequently fell behind in laundry, which meant Cheonsa would be late for daycare if he did not prioritize. He quickly snatched what he needed from the dry basket.

“Cheonsa,” Bobby spoke with the hair-clip between his lips, knocked on her door and entered, but she was not in her bed. The child guard rail was down. 

Shit. She had figured it out some time ago, but she generally only put it down to use the potty at night, or when she was bored of trying to fall asleep and had to run and get Bobby’s attention, so it was not so bad. But now he had to find her, and they were running late as it was. 

He peeked his head into the bathroom, but she was not there. He continued on through the apartment. 

“Cheonsa!” he called, and rounded into the kitchen. 

Cheonsa had pushed a chair against the kitchen counter and was attempting to climb it.

He gasped. The hairpin fell from his mouth. 

“ _ CHEONSA _ **_!!_ ** ”

Cheonsa nearly jumped out of her skin, stumbling back and landing on her butt. She started to cry. 

Bobby was too panicked to feel bad. He rushed over to her, got down on his knees and placed his hands on her tiny shoulders, enveloping them completely. “Don’t ever climb,” Bobby said, sternly. “Do not  _ ever _ climb on the counter, do you hear me?”

Cheonsa continued to sob. Maybe it was Bobby’s tone, but he couldn’t help it. Not now. Not when he was so frustrated and he needed Cheonsa to  _ learn _ , but he didn’t know if he was  _ teaching _ her anything either, and  _ God, _ it was  _ hard. _ It was so hard.

“Come on,” Bobby picked her up, and carried her snivelly self to her bedroom to get dressed. She cried all the way through, until she was hiccupy and dry heaving. He encouraged her to stop, but she was too distraught to listen. So there went the clean laundry he had rushed to curate. Lost so quickly to boogers. As was his life.

Bobby took her hand and led her to the front door. Realizing she had not eaten, Bobby quickly ran into the kitchen to grab her a banana. Maybe that was not enough? He got two bananas, and a container from the drain tray, so he could break them up and give them to her to eat in the car. 

He stepped on the hairpin on the way out, feeling the tiny pop and crunch beneath his foot. Cheonsa would have to let her hair freefall today. They had no time, and Bobby did not have the energy to have someone cry into his face for another five minutes.

She stopped crying once they got to the car, and when she was all strapped in, Bobby quickly broke up the bananas and gave her the container. Softly and solemnly, she ate. 

Bobby sighed, heaved himself into his car, and got started on his day. 

About halfway to daycare, Bobby took in a deep breath and prepared himself for round two of discipline. “Cheonsa,” he started, calmly, “do you know why daddy shouted?”

He looked at her from the rearview mirror, and Cheonsa shook her head ‘no’. 

Bobby said, “It’s because I don’t want you to get hurt. You can get hurt on the counter. Do you understand? You can fall and get very hurt.”

Cheonsa looked down at her bananas in shame. 

“That’s why daddy got mad. ‘Cause he loves you. And he wants you to be here for a long time. A very long time. Daddy loves you so much, Cheonsa.”

_ I’m not going to lose you, _ Bobby wanted to say.  _ I’m never going to lose you. _

He wished he had someone who could tell him if he was doing things right or not. Counsel. Someone who would not only validate, but understand him. He needed to both save his daughter from danger and try to help her understand why it should matter to her. But how? He was so helpless in all of this. He was lost, holding his own hand and blindly guiding him in whatever direction seemed right. Jiun was great, but he did not know what it was like to stumble and fall on your face  — he had a partner to clunk heads with. His brother seemed so far away, not just in a physical sense. Different paths.

Cheonsa said, “Love you.”

Bobby breathed a sigh of relief. At a red light, Bobby allowed his tired head to clunk against the window for a blissful moment of rest.

-♡-

Bobby needed a minute. When he got into work, he made a beeline for the couch in the lobby and threw himself down onto it. He was a little longer than it, so he curled up and pushed his face into the back cushion.

He sighed. He took a moment to just…  _ breathe. _ Yes. Peace.

“Tough day?”

His whole body jolted, startled. He turned to lie on his back. Hanbin was looking down at him. 

Bobby figured Hanbin must have been telling a joke, since it was only half past nine. He breathed heavily out of his mouth and glared. He had not even noticed Hanbin in the lobby. His head was really somewhere else. “Did you have to?”

Hanbin smirked. “Figured it was my turn to run into you.”

Bobby idled. He let that statement settle in and do what it did to his heart. Hanbin continued looking down at him with his hands in his pockets, head tilted. The smirk lingered. It seemed that Hanbin had gotten over whatever angst he’d had that caused his little bitchfit at the previous show, and Bobby did not have the strength today to rekindle it.

Bobby asked, “You’re here for the collab again?” 

“Not yours,” Hanbin clarified. “Blackpink’s.”

Time for their yearly mini-album already. “Ah,” Bobby said. He dragged a hand down his face, harshly, and sniffled. 

He hoisted himself into a sitting position — or somewhat of a sitting position. He braced himself on the armrest, spine slouched against the back of the couch. 

They were closer to eye level now. Hanbin seemed so much closer. 

Bobby wondered who Hanbin would be working with that day. He looked to the hallway. He then looked back to Hanbin.

“Hey, Hanbin,” Bobby started, then looked to the front door, “who was…?”

He trailed off. Hanbin looked at him, but made no encouraging gestures. Just stilled in place. 

Bobby cleared his throat and swallowed. “Nevermind.”

Perhaps it was better not to ask. 

“Bin,” Teddy jogged into the mouth of the lobby. “Thanks for waiting. You good?”

“Coming,” Hanbin said. He lifted two fingers to bid Bobby farewell. Bobby sniffled, closed one eye against a piece of dust that had gotten in it, and waved back. 

The smirk remained until Hanbin turned away. His baggy jacket swayed side to side with the movement of Hanbin’s hips.

Bobby closed his eyes and plunked his head down onto the armrest. He groaned and covered his eyes under a hand. Today was... a day.

-♡-

The days passed on. The theme this week was Fairytales. Bobby decided to go the Disney route.

It was near showtime. Cheonsa was already dolled up in her green gown and little hair bow as a modest Tinkerbell. Bobby was in his tights as Peter Pan. He’d worn worse  — sweating in a pair of jeggings and a leather jacket on stage will harden a man to the meager horrors of tights. At least these were 90 percent breathable cotton. He wore a pair of shorts overtop of them and a green wrap-around robe to complete the ensemble. They looked like quite the duo, ready for adventure.

People bustled around them, getting their kids ready to go. Quite a few had already headed backstage. When the last remaining family exited, leaving Bobby and Cheonsa alone, Bobby offered out a hand to bring Cheonsa along. It was time for the pair to proverbially fly.

Contrary to the sentiment, when urged to proceed, Cheonsa defiantly locked in place and started to cry. 

An instant reaction, Bobby got down on one knee to be at her height. “Hey, baby,” Bobby tried to get her attention, touching her hands to ease them away from her face. “What’s wrong?”

Cheonsa wailed into the palms of her hands. Bobby assumed this was the beginning of a temper tantrum.

Cheonsa wailed into her hands, “I don’t wanna go!”

Bobby’s heart broke. He was used to her crying to try to get her way, but that was usually over something inconsequential, like toys or bedtime. This one felt different, because Bobby knew it was his fault she was sad. He was the one who brought her here.

She cried again, “Please, I wanna stay…”

“It’s okay, baby,” Bobby insisted. He surrendered to the fact he could not bear to see his angel so unhappy. He barely felt disappointed at all. It all rushed out of him in a breath of air. “It’s okay baby, you don’t have to go on stage.” 

Slowly, Cheonsa moved her hands away from her face. Her nose was running, and her face was covered in a sheen of tears. Hiccupy sobs jerked themselves free of her little lungs. Bobby stroked her hair to try and calm her down. Her tantrums could get very loud, very quickly.

But Cheonsa simply moved closer to him and wrapped him up in a hug. Although the fairy wings on her back punched him in the face, Bobby threw his arms around her and squeezed. He picked her up, and she kept her hold on him, securing her arms around his neck. 

He wondered who he had to go to in order to withdraw himself from this show. He hoped he would not be disqualified from the competition. He headed out into the hall in search of a noona to assist him. 

He came across someone easily enough, a caretaker who he had come to know throughout the course of the competition. He held a hand out to stop her from running. He felt bad, as she looked to be in a hurry, but this would not take long. Awkwardly, he sniffled and cleared his throat. 

“Uhm, how do I withdraw from this show?” He asked quietly. He did not want to disturb Cheonsa. Her crying had quieted down. 

The noona’s eyebrows rose, and she looked concerned. “Why, what’s wrong?”

“Cheonsa doesn’t feel up to performing,” Bobby said. “I’m sorry, we’ll be back in next week. I hope this is allowed. I’m really sorry.”

“Let me go get the director,” the noona said. “I’ll send someone over here to assist you.” 

“Thank you,” Bobby said, and subconsciously gave Cheonsa a comforting bounce. 

The noona went off, and Bobby turned back around to enter the changeroom. He did not want to bounce and abandon his friends, so he decided to wait it out in the changeroom. 

Bobby changed Cheonsa out of her costume, and luckily, it seemed to appease her. She quietly sat on the couch in the dressing room as he folded her clothes into the duffle bag. 

A writer came to see him when Cheonsa was redressed in a comfort onesie. She informed Bobby that he was disqualified from this round, and it would affect his place in the overall standing, but he was still allowed to remain in the competition. He thanked her with a bow. 

He sighed. He pulled the ribbon off of Cheonsa’s head and wrapped it around his wrist with his other bracelets. “Come on, Cheonsa,” he said. “Daddy needs to use the bathroom.” Like hell he was leaving her alone, and all the noonas seemed busy, but he needed to get these constrictor tights off and let his dad thighs unclench.

When they returned to the changeroom, Bobby took a moment to absorb everything that had happened. 

They were disqualified from the round. They would not be pardoned in the point system, meaning they would receive zero points for this round. Hanbin would be put ahead by default. Bobby probably lost his chance of placing in any of the top spots at all. He took a deep breath and let it out. Okay. Cool. Fine. It was done.

He looked up a book on his e-reader and attempted to read Cheonsa to sleep. Unfortunately, Cheonsa wanted to hold the e-reader, which meant she was invested. Whatever. They would be home soon. Not soon enough, but soon. Bobby texted his friends to tell them to hurry over as soon as the show was over.

By the end of the story, Cheonsa was more interested in chewing on the head of her toy than looking at the e-reader, so Bobby took the opportunity to clean up. He proceeded to refold their clothes and gently organize them back in the duffle bag.

He abruptly heard the sound of the door opening over his shoulder, followed by a, “Hey!” 

Hanbin ran into the back room. Bobby scrunched his eyebrows. Here to gloat so quickly? Hanbin must have  _ just _ gotten off stage. Bogyun was not even with him. 

Bobby blinked. “Hanbin…?”

“Are you guys alright?” 

With wide eyes, Hanbin looked from Bobby to Cheonsa, then back to Bobby. Curious, but concerned, undoubtedly concerned.

Whatever Bobby had expected, it wasn’t that. He raised his eyebrows for a second, then switched back to relative indifference.

“Yeah, fine,” Bobby responded, and tossed his green robe into the duffle bag, leaving him in just sweatpants, a white tank top, and the thick ring of bracelets on his wrists.

“What happened?” Hanbin asked. 

“Cheonsa didn’t feel like performing today,” Bobby said simply. He shrugged and sniffled. No need to make a big deal about it. He slipped on his jacket.

Hanbin raised his eyebrows, lips pouted. “And you’re okay with that?”

Bobby sighed, zipped up the duffle bag with a bit of force. “Come on man,” he said, not looking back at the other father over his shoulder. “Would you make Bogyun do it?”

Hanbin said, softly, “No.”

It was a rhetorical question, though Bobby was still grateful for the answer.

“How trash do you think I am?” Bobby straightened his back. He pivoted to look at Hanbin again, his jaw set. He sniffled and swallowed. “You wouldn’t do it, why would I?”

“Hey…”

“If you’re just here to bother me,” Bobby lowered his voice, “you can f-off.”

“I’m not,” Hanbin shook his head, and his eyes flicked briefly down to Bobby’s shoes before trailing back up to his eyes, “I don’t. I don’t think you’re trash. Who am  _ I _ to think such things? I just…” he shook his head, shrugged, “worried.”

Bobby conceded to the fact that Hanbin had a right to have been worried for Cheonsa’s wellbeing. Bobby could be a little intense. Hanbin won the previous show, and this would put him ahead, but… it just did not matter. And if it did not matter now, it never would, and honestly, it never did.

“This isn’t about us,” Bobby said. Sighed. “I forgot that. But I remember now.”

“I admire this,” Hanbin said. “I admire the fuck out of you for this.” He put his fist to his mouth, suddenly looking over to Cheonsa. “Sorry.”

That was a little… stunning, to be frank.

“It’s…” Bobby sighed. “It’s okay. At this point, I’d be surprised if she didn’t know curse words. And… thank you.”

“But seriously,” Hanbin said. He put his hand on Bobby’s shoulder, held it there for a moment. Bobby’s stomach froze up, and he felt bile backing up into his throat. “I admire this. Good work tonight.”

Bobby nodded, quick and curt. “Thank you.”

Hanbin’s hand slipped off Bobby’s shoulder. 

“Bye, Cheonsa,” he said, gave her a small smile and a wave. 

Cheonsa, barely able to keep her eyes open, gave him a lazy wave in return, doll head in her mouth.

He gave a small smile to Bobby, nodded, and turned on his heel to head out. For the first time, Bobby noticed that Hanbin must have been Aladdin, dressed in a purple vest over a baggy white long sleeve, a purple cape, and long, loose, translucent white pants. And Bobby only noticed the outfit because he noticed the translucency of it.

He hoped Cheonsa was back in a performing mood next week. It would be a shame to leave things like this and not see any more of Hanbin. To  _ compete _ with him any more, that is. Yeah.

-♡-

Bobby’s family was a cushion for Cheonsa’s many parental blows. Jiun spoke to Bobby over video call that night.

“Where did you put them all?” Jiun asked, curiously looking around the monitor as if he would find them.

Bobby rubbed his face and sniffled. “In my bedroom. Just stacked ‘em.” 

After Cheonsa’s little stunt in the kitchen, Bobby decided that kitchen chairs were too risky. He took all four of them and stacked them in his bedroom. He could take them out when company was over. Or maybe not. Chairs were not essential or anything. He would cross that bridge when he got to it.

Jiun snorted, trying politely to contain his laugh.

Bobby said, resignedly, “How did you deal with Raon doing this kind of stuff?”

“Uh,” Jiun scratched at his head. “He didn’t really. He wasn’t really interested in climbing. He preferred to roll around.”

“I think Cheonsa has a wild soul,” Bobby said. “She’s getting more active every day.”

“Babies just want to test their limits at this age,” Jiun said. “Raon did too. Just keep an eye on her and she’ll be fine. She’s a good kid.”

“Thanks.”

“How are other things, by the way?”

“They’re okay,” Bobby said. “Can you tell me what kind of car seat you had Raon in when he turned three? Cheonsa’s gonna outgrow this one soon.”

“Sure, sure,” Jiun said, “but Cheonsa’s a lot smaller than Raon was so keep that in mind. We had to size up for him.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Bobby said. “I just never know where to start.”

“No problem,” Jiun said. “I’ll ask the wife if she knows any good websites or something for kid products.”

“Thanks, dude,” Bobby said. 

Cheonsa waddled into the living room. She had fallen asleep on the ride home from the show, but Bobby figured she would be up soon looking for food. He had the digestive biscuits ready. It seemed she had taken the liberty of lowering her own child guard rail again, though. Bobby sighed inwardly at that.

“Daddy,” Cheonsa mumbled, and rubbed her eyes. 

“Hey, Cheonsa!” Jiun cheered. 

Cheonsa blinked. The sound of being greeted woke her up more. She approached the laptop screen and waved. “Hi, uncle.”

“Awhh, she’s so sleepy,” Jiun said. “I’ll text you, dude.”

“Thanks man,” Bobby said, and held up two fingers to say goodbye. “Peace.”

Jiun smiled, and the call ended. 

Bobby closed his laptop. He picked up his sleepy baby and brought her over to her high chair and sat her in it. Cheonsa rested her head on the plastic table compartment. 

He collected the biscuits from the kitchen counter, gave them a shake. He sprinkled four onto the high chair table. Cheonsa sleepily munched on her snacks. 

Bobby sighed, taking in the state of her. He gave her a kiss on the head. His little sidekick. He hoped tomorrow would be a better day for her. For both of them.

-♡-

That night, after he had tucked Cheonsa into bed and re-explained the importance of the child guard rails on her bed, he received a message from Jinhwan. 

**fairy hyung:** hanbin is requesting your kkt information. do i give it to him?

That was a doorway to all sorts of possibilities, and he was curious as to what Hanbin wanted. Bobby gave Jinhwan the okay, then carried on with his evening. He plopped down on the living room couch with a can of beer in his hand and the intent to chill the night away.

He had barely a moment to let his eyes adjust to the darkness before a notification popped up on his kakaotalk. A friend request from a person simply named ‘bin’. His heart jumped into his throat. He accepted. 

The messages rolled in right away. Like Hanbin’s fingers had been poised over the screen, keen and waiting.

**bin:** hey

**bin:** thanks for accepting my request

**surfbort:** yeah no problem

**surfbort:** what’s up?

Bobby watched his fingers drag over the screen while he thought about his hands dragging over Hanbin’s in the studio. 

The app showed that Hanbin read his message.

It was difficult not to think of Hanbin’s hands…

**bin:** i meant what i said the other night

**bin:** and i don’t want you to think i was happy to win over you

**bin:** i wasn’t

**bin:** that’s not winning

**surfbort:** thank you for saying that

**bin:** not just saying it. i mean that

**surfbort:** i appreciate it

**bin:** cool. see u at the next competition. glad ur not a total dick

**surfbort:** lol i’m glad i’m not a total dick too

**bin:** message me if you need to.

This whole conversation threw Bobby off, but that last message sent his head spinning. 

**surfbort:** thank you. i’d like that.


	8. seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told myself I would have this posted by the end of the month and I DID IT. I'm so proud of myself because between surgery and a family getaway, I have not been typing much. Also there's ten chapters now. I hope you guys like this chapter and I hope to be back sooner than this! xo

On Monday, Cheonsa woke up in a much better mood than she had been in on Friday night. Bobby was used to her mercurial moods, but he was glad this mood in particular was just another passing whim. 

Bobby dolled her up in a white dress with little flowers and jeans underneath. He even had time to do her hair in pigtails. The weekend with his parents must have been a good refresher for both of them. 

The theme of this week left much room for creativity. Bobby had planned and ordered a lot of his outfits in advance, but the problem with ‘Dream Job’ was that Cheonsa had no idea what she wanted in life, and her mind was always changing, so he just got a bunch of shit. Her current dream job of choice was a Barbie. It was much more doable than when she wanted to be an Octonaught. One time Cheonsa said all she wanted to do in life was eat cheese. At this point, Bobby did not know which avenue he should take. All were considered. He had an array of outfits to choose from — Cheonsa already had a shirt with the Barbie logo on it, many dresses, overalls, and props, such as a child’s ukulele and a fake microphone. She had Deddy the Teddy, Bwi the bee, and a knitted octopus that Bobby got from a local shop. She was well equipped to take on all sorts of careers. 

If, in the end, Cheonsa did not make a decision, at least Bobby could just put her in something. She was a baby. That part was easy. But he could not have Cheonsa backing out of another round. They might as well just forfeit at that point. However, she was a baby.

Cheonsa ate a bowl of grapes and banana for breakfast, both neatly placed in a bowl this time, with time to spare, along with a glass of orange juice. When she was well fed, Bobby asked, “Ready to go?” and Cheonsa agreed, taking his hand in hers. 

He dropped Cheonsa off without any qualms or holups. Work on Monday went by smoothly as well. He had no meetings or studio sessions planned. He actually finished up a whole song, one he had not meant to finish with such clear-minded ease. He leant back in his chair, listened to the sound of the air in his studio, the faint whirring of machines. He took a moment to listen to it.

He rarely had these moments of peace. Or, perceived peace. He had shit going on but it was not touching this physical space. He just had a moment to sit and wallow in time.

He took it as a good omen. Maybe not every day would be difficult. But he could not get his hopes up yet. It was only one day. But, in the absence of something to do, he decided to go get Cheonsa. He wanted to take her out for dinner; they never got to go out and have fun. 

Bobby realized that was because, before the competition, he had never wanted to go out and have fun with her. Huh. He had come a long way in such a short amount of time.

He waved goodbye to his coworkers in a nearby studio and made sure he had his USB on his keychain before heading out for the day. He texted Minwoo and Baymax hyungs to act as his bodyguards in exchange for a Big Mac. They accepted and said they would meet him there.

Bobby skipped outside, only slightly tripping over himself. He straightened out his coat, sniffled, and headed to the daycare to pick up his daughter.

The sun was setting more quickly nowadays. They were into the second month of November, and it was set to snow any day now with the way the grey skies loomed overhead. Cheonsa would love the snow. She was really young the previous year — she seemed years older now with all the progress she had made from one to two years old. She would take more joy in it this year. And Christmas! Yeah. Bobby smiled thinking about it.

Even when Bobby had a moment of peace, he was thinking about his daughter. Cheonsa was his life now. Is this what he always wanted to be? Besides a pilot or a musician, is this what he wanted to grow up to become? A father? It was always in the back of his mind, that desire, but in reality, it was so beyond anything he could comprehend, or anything he could mentally prepare for. He still had trouble pinpointing how he felt about it. Yet, he would not want to be anything else.

Bobby waited for Cheonsa in the front room of the daycare, and Cheonsa eagerly ran to him. 

“Daddy!” she cheered, as she did every day. She would not notice the hour difference in pick-up time. All that mattered was that her dad was there. Bobby hugged her tight. 

“Hey, baby,” he said. “Want to go to McDonalds?”

Cheonsa nodded, not quite excited about the place, but eager to be there. Bobby buckled her into the car and the two set off on their way. 

Once in their booth with their food, Bobby spun his phone around in his fingers, absently chewing on his burger. He would do this in between bites, and in between catering to Cheonsa’s specific dietary needs. She did not like the bread coating on the chicken nuggets and only liked the bread on the burger, and at times was more interested in her happy meal toy than her meal. Minwoo and Baymax laughed under their breath whenever Bobby shakily worked the breadcrumbs off of a chicken nugget. 

But when Bobby got a moment to himself, when his hands were free and his hyungs were minding their own business, he would twirl his phone in his hand like a fidget spinner.

It seemed since Hanbin had gotten in touch with him, he had not been able to stop thinking about the phone in his hands. 

He and Hanbin had spoken a lot before 2014. As different as Hanbin’s ambitions were from Bobby’s, Hanbin still wanted to train to debut. Hanbin was composing music way before Bobby was though, and he was leagues ahead in terms of training, just going by experience, so he was often the group leader in whatever the teams were working on. The teams switched up occasionally, but Bobby and Hanbin were together frequently enough to have conversations. 

“Hey,” Bobby said, his teeth slightly too big for his jaw when he was sixteen, “wanna come over after practice?” 

Hanbin gave him a half-smile, round face even rounder under his beanie, “Sure.”

Hanbin was rooming with the more experienced trainees like Kim Jinwoo and Kang Seungyoon. If he did not decide to go right into producing instead, he would definitely be debuting with whatever group they were in. 

But Hanbin always seemed to be left behind. He was very young, and although hardworking, he liked to play more than Nam Taehyun, for example, and he was not as career oriented as some of the other trainee producers, ones so focused on their work that Bobby barely knew their first names. He was fit to be a leader, yet he would be among the youngest of the members of his group — that was, assuming no one younger would join before they debuted, and as 2013 rolled around, that looked less and less likely. Like his arms in his sleeves, Hanbin never quite fit. 

“I heard you been producing,” Bobby said that night as he and Hanbin gamed side-by-side.

Hanbin pulled his headphones down around his neck. “Yeah,” Hanbin said. “I think that’s what I’m gonna do now. Yang Hyungnim said he’s going to be forming permanent groups and I’m gonna let him know I wanna produce.”

Bobby’s heart panged a little at that. He would have loved to have Hanbin on his team, ‘cause Hanbin was so great at everything and also a really cool dude, but with Bobby’s dance skills (or lack thereof), Bobby knew he would not be debuting any time soon, not like Hanbin was. Perhaps they would meet again in the future when Bobby was finally a superstar rapper. Younger Bobby would have liked that.

“That’s great, dude,” Bobby said. “I hope I can produce my own stuff someday.”

“You will,” Hanbin said. “You’re really good with beats.”

“Would you work with me?” 

Hanbin laughed. “Of course I’m gonna work with you. We can even be a team.”

Bobby had laughed at the time. No one would have guessed that Hanbin would become the leader of Team B on WIN. They were all certain that Hanbin would be the rapper of Team A. Song Minho had come out of nowhere. All of this had come out of nowhere.

Hanbin took it pretty hard sometimes.

Bobby slumped down in bed one night as Hanbin looked off at nothing. Bobby slung his arm around Hanbin’s shoulders. 

“Bin,” Bobby said with a sigh, still winded somehow from dance practice an hour before, “I think you and I are a good team.”

It was difficult to make out under the dip of his head, but Bobby knew he saw Hanbin’s tired lips pull into a half-smile.

One morning, Hanbin quit, and Bobby was the leader of Team B. 

The next time he saw Hanbin they were on opposite sides of an area backstage on a show called Show Me the Money.

Bobby forgot about that — how even then they could not seem to avoid each other’s eyes. And actually, they had not avoided bumping heads. He had not quite forgiven Hanbin for what he had done to them at the time. 

Actually, recalling it, Bobby had begun to see his soulmate mark after WIN came to a close. The soulmate mark appears when the foundation of the personality is fully formed, which meant the experience was formative enough to link him to another soul. The experience must have really shaped him up. He hoped he had formed into someone worth his salt; someone he could be proud of. And if it did form him into someone he could be proud of — someone ambitious and talented and thoughtful and kind — he had Hanbin to thank, partially, for getting him this far. But that did not make what Hanbin did any better.

All that was history. He never thought he would be talking to Hanbin again. But here he was. And at this point of his life, he really needed someone to talk to who would understand. And thus, re-enter Kim Hanbin. It was funny how things worked out. Maybe the leader position of Team B was jinxed. Not that Cheonsa or Bogyun were a curse, of course, just that they both wound up with the same poor judgement. 

He messaged Hanbin on kkt, and the conversation went as follows.

Bobby said, ‘Hey, what’s up?’

To which Hanbin responded, ‘Not much, you?’

‘Just bought Cheonsa mcdonalds’

‘It’s funny cause she doesn’t like the burger in the cheeseburger so she makes me take it out’

‘She just eats the bread and cheese and i get a triple cheeseburger lol’

‘But she makes me take the bread off the chicken nugs… like wtf lol’

‘Silver lining lol’

‘Watching her red meat intake at a young age’

‘Oh word, i’m so proud lol’

‘I don’t really mind takin the bread off tho… she’s eatin thats all that matters’

‘Bogyun is… sort of difficult’

‘He’s really quiet so it’s hard to know what he wants’

‘And he cries at lot’

‘He’s the complete opposite of Cheonsa’

‘Cheonsa is demanding and her mind changes a lot’

‘At least she speaks’

‘I wonder if I was this quiet as a kid’

‘My little sister was pretty quiet but not that quiet’

Bobby heard something clatter to the floor. He and his hyungs quickly started looking under their feet for the source of the noise. Bobby found Cheonsa’s toy had slipped out of her fingers. Bobby fished it out from below the table and put it next to him on the seat. 

“Eat your dinner first,” Bobby said. “It’s dirty, don’t touch it yet.”

Cheonsa pouted and continued to eat her bald nuggets.

Bobby eagerly returned to the conversation.

‘Ah you got a little sister?’

‘Yeah her name is Hanbyul’

‘She’s a lot younger than me so I got to take care of her sometimes when she was a baby’

‘Oh yeah I heard sum about that’

‘I just have an older bro, Jiun hyung’

‘He had a kid a few years back’

‘He’s really helped me through this’

‘Sounds nice’

‘Sorry, i didn’t mean it like that’

Nothing. But Bobby didn’t wait.

‘Actually i messaged you for a reason’

‘Can we talk?’

‘Sure, what about?’

“ _MMMM_ , DADDY _!!_ ” Cheonsa demanded. She stretched as far as she could, reaching over him for the toy. Bobby was too absorbed in his conversation to discipline her at the moment, and he just threw the toy onto her lap to keep her from crawling onto his.

‘Can we talk in person?’

Hanbin’s replies had been coming in steadily — not too enthusiastic, about a minute apart from each other. This one took a little longer.

‘Sure’

‘Want to come over tomorrow after filming?’

‘Oh’

Was it that easy?

‘Actually yeah that sounds cool’

‘Cool i’ll let you in from the lobby’

‘You’ll get past the gate without being arrested lol’

‘Bring Cheonsa for Bogyun if you can’

Bobby did not know how else to end the conversation, except by saying, ‘thanks’.

“Daddy,” Cheonsa said, and then plunked her happy meal toy into his plum sauce. Bobby sighed and wiped the toy clean with a napkin. He was not really hungry anymore anyway (but he would pocket a burger for later). 

-♡-

Bobby didn’t know why he was fixing his shirt collar at the door. He didn’t know why he wore a dress shirt. He supposed it was a formality, since Hanbin was not a comfortable person to him. He felt and dressed stiff. It was not like there had been any real resolution between them. They were barely coworkers. 

As Bobby fiddled with his collar, the door opened to the dorm building. It startled him, as he had not knocked. It would make sense, though, since they had just been standing in a lobby with clear windows. Hanbin must have seen them idling there from the moment he got out of the elevator. 

He smiled as the door opened, but they did not make much in the way of an introduction. They performed stunted bows, but Hanbin and Cheonsa bowed more easily to each other. Hanbin seemed to smile more genuinely at her too. 

They made their way into the elevator, and Hanbin pressed the button to take them to the seventh floor. 

The first thing spoken between them, Bobby said, “The seventh floor? Doesn’t that make you nervous?” 

Hanbin looked at him. “Absolutely,” he said. “I have my doors and windows child-locked, barred, and blocked with furniture. Bogyun doesn’t even know they open.”

Bobby had the door to his balcony locked and had the lock duct taped down, but now that Cheonsa liked to roam, he supposed blocking the windows was not a bad idea. 

They walked through the sleek, dark, wooded halls of the YG dormitory. It was a quiet level, eerily so. He must have been moved here on purpose. Bobby remembered training; it was hard to get even a moment of silence in this place. Especially considering his team. He felt a pang in his heart at how this place had… calcified. It used to be warmer.

Hanbin entered the passcode to his dorm, and then they entered. 

“Bogyunie,” Hanbin called. 

A set of feet ran to the door. Upon seeing the two other people, he stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide. Bobby had never noticed how wide Bogyun’s eyes were. But, as he had already noticed, so completely identical to Hanbin’s. 

“Bogyunie,” Hanbin got down on his knees to be at Cheonsa and Bogyun’s levels. He offered Cheonsa his hand, and Cheonsa accepted. As though escorting her, Hanbin brought Cheonsa to stand in front of Bogyun, guiding her by her hand in his. “This is Cheonsa. Do you remember Cheonsa?”

Bogyun made no reply. 

“She’s here to play. Do you want to show her your toys?”

It seemed that Bogyun was a deer in headlights. He just stared at Hanbin with wide eyes. He put his fist in his mouth. 

“Cheonsa,” Bobby got down to their level as well. Cheonsa turned around to look at him. “Bogyun is shy. Will you be nice to him? Will you play with him like the kids at daycare?”

Cheonsa nodded. She walked over to Bogyun and offered her Barbie doll. 

“Hi Bogyun,” she spoke, “this Barbie. Wanna play?”

Boyun ran to hide behind his father. He was braver at the fashion shows. Perhaps this setting was too close to home. Literally. It was as close as it could possibly be.

Hanbin looked at Bobby, and Bobby looked at Hanbin. They needed an idea to get them to hang out together. 

They started off by playing with the kids. Hanbin got a wide selection of Bogyun’s toys out to the sitting room and set them up on a fluffy blanket. But Bogyun would only interact with Hanbin. Cheonsa did her best, but it was futile. 

“Does Bogyun interact at daycare?” Bobby asked. 

Hanbin sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t have him in one.”

“Oh,” Bobby blinked. “It’s… I think it’s good for their development.”

“Yeah,” Hanbin said, and he sounded so sad, like the conversation was painful for him to have. “Me too.”

Bobby dropped the topic after that. 

Eventually, they gave up on the idea to play. They left the two alone on the blanket to work things out for themselves. 

After about two minutes, Bogyun stood up and ran to be with his dad, who had moved over to the couch. Hanbin gave a deep exhale of breath and picked up his son. 

“The only way I know how to get him to stay in one place is to put on a movie,” Hanbin said. “Sorry.”

Bobby raised his eyebrows. “You got Frozen 2?”

After five minutes, Bogyun and Cheonsa were seated next to each other on the couch, eyes glued to the television screen. They did not even care that their legs were touching. They both absently chewed on their toys and watched Elsa sing about something or another. 

Bobby and Hanbin moved to the kitchen, a room away, to talk. It felt safe enough — out of an earshot, but not separated by a door.

They sat together at a table, a wooden piece that was seemingly an afterthought to the granite countertop at the kitchen island. The kitchen structure was lovely, in a grey granite, regale way, but littered with little signs of humanity: the table, several bibs and towels on the counter, plastic bins spilling in from the other room. There was a plastic boombox on the table where they sat, reminiscent of a radio, but made by a company like Leap Frog. It was an odd place for a formal meeting. Bobby wondered if one of them was going to apologize.

Bobby clasped his hands together and locked eyes with the boy across the table from him. With Kim Hanbin. 

It was not like Bobby didn’t know Hanbin. They had been in the company for as long as the other had. Hanbin had been in the industry longer, but in terms of YG and subsidiaries, Hanbin had barely two weeks seniority over him. 

There was an identifiable security to seeing him. Underneath the initial spike of adrenaline that came with looking at Hanbin, Bobby recognized the familiarity in his face. He had been there through Hanbin’s predebut achievements. He heard the first track Hanbin had ever produced on the same day it was released, childlike in his voice and experience, and Hanbin heard Bobby’s. Even after they stopped talking, Bobby heard Hanbin’s name in the halls and read it on the credits of albums, ones that bore his own name too, in a few. He was there to see Hanbin’s body fill out and his face slim down to reveal a pair of really strong cheekbones. Hanbin was always sort of just... there.

Bobby must have filled space in the background of Hanbin’s life this past decade as well. It was a long time to be floating in each other’s peripherals. After a while they became specters. Haunted memories.

Bobby had always wondered if they would meet again when they were both successful. He did not think they would be reunited because of this.

“So,” Hanbin started, a little awkwardly. “You’re here.”

“Yeah,” Bobby responded. “I’m… here.”

‘Here’ was such a familiar place. ‘Here’ was well-lived in. It was the colour of the wood, he thought; permanently ingrained his memory as something to be associated with this dormitory, the cupboards in this kitchen. Yet Bobby had trouble getting comfortable.

A moment of silence passed. 

Hanbin said, “Can I get you any tea, coffee?”

“No, no,” Bobby shook his head, but changed his mind. A drink would give him something to occupy his hands. “Uh, yes, please. Coffee please.”

Hanbin nodded with a bow and stood to prepare the refreshments. 

“How are you feeling?” Hanbin asked. Bobby looked over to the other man. Hanbin was not looking back at him. He used the distraction of coffee-making to appear nonchalant. It was helpful for Bobby. It made it easier to open up, to pretend he was talking to a wall. He looked at the wall in front of him. 

“Fine,” Bobby said, and his voice was husky, but it always was. That was a rather poetic representation of him, in a way. “Just… you know. Doing.”

“Is that why you came here?” Hanbin asked. “To exchange pleasantries with me? Or are you going to tell me what you really want from me?”

Bobby sighed. His heart would not ease up the grip on his throat just yet. “I wish I could.”

Hanbin was quiet for a moment. Bobby actually heard the click of Hanbin’s throat in the quiet of the room. From the other room, he heard mumbled singing in small voices. 

“Are you…” Hanbin was careful. “Are you in danger?”

Such a Hanbin thing to do, to instantly go into protector mode.

“No, no,” Bobby quickled clarified. “Nothing like that.”

Bobby saw Hanbin’s eyebrows furrowing, thinking to himself. “Then why can’t you tell me?”

It must have been confusing. Bobby was there in Hanbin’s residence by his own request of the man, and yet he would not reveal the reason for being there. Bobby sniffled. He shrugged unceremoniously. “Cause I’m stubborn, I think.”

A moment passed where Hanbin breathed, and might have laughed. Then Hanbin said, “I get that. I’m the same way.”

The kettle started to boil. Hanbin retrieved something from the pantry. Then he asked, “Do you want ice in your coffee?”

“Yeah,” Bobby said. “Yes, please. Water it down. I want to sleep tonight.”

“It’s nice, right?” Hanbin said, a slight inflection to his voice. “To be able to sleep again, now that they’re older?”

For the first time, Bobby smiled. He looked down at his hands as he fiddled with them. “Yeah. Cheonsa cried so much as a little baby. I hated to send… my ex... there. I always went and rocked her back to sleep. Fed her.”

“Your ex didn’t breastfeed?” Hanbin asked. “Sorry to pry. Mine didn’t either. I didn’t want her to.”

Bobby did not understand having a bad relationship with his ex. He just… did not have a relationship at all. Maybe it was better this way? The jury was out. “No, she didn’t. She found it hard to be around the baby so much.”

Hanbin went quiet again. At that, Bobby came off the momentary high he was on, and his heart plunked down into his stomach. Oh yeah. That was sad. 

In the moment of silence, Bobby was allowed to think. And he realized that when he thought of Sunday, he called Cheonsa ‘the baby’, because Sunday did. He could not recall a single time that Sunday had said Cheonsa’s name. It was Bobby who had picked the name out.

Hanbin set Bobby’s coffee down in front of him along with a carton of milk, and Bobby thanked him with an empty smile. After taking a moment to prepare his own tea, Hanbin rejoined him at the table.

They met eyes again, after a good long look at Bobby’s coffee. It was so easy to talk to Hanbin sometimes. He wished it happened on its own. 

“Uhm,” Bobby said, and looked down. It took everything in him to say, “I don’t really have… anyone… to talk to about this.”

Hanbin said, “You have lots of friends.”

“I mean,” Bobby clarified, “anyone who gets it. Anyone except...”

“Except me.”

Bobby looked up. Hanbin looked at him, then looked down.

His skin was not perfect, and his hair hung over his forehead. Brown hair was growing out at his roots. He wore a grey sweater with sleeves that cupped his hands like fingerless gloves, and a pair of loose jeans rolled up at the cuffs. Did Hanbin own anything that fit? Was this his style? Did he care?

Bobby was still looking.

He only had Hanbin. 

“I get that,” Hanbin said.

“Yeah,” Bobby looked down. 

It felt like a standoff. Like someone had to give. Bobby was finding it hard to be the one. 

Bobby said, “Listen… I know we’re not close. I know we have a past…”

“I don’t hold grudges,” Hanbin said. “This has nothing to do with the competition.”

Bobby looked up under his eyelashes. Mumbled, “M’not talkin’ ‘bout the baby competition.”

Hanbin waited a second. Then said, “This has nothing to do with any other business we have together. This isn’t work.”

“You don’t strike me as the type,” Bobby said with a smile, “to leave work at work.”

Hanbin tilted his head. “There’s some truth to that,” he said. “I never used to stop working, so I used to bring work home.”

“Then you had Bogyun?”

Hanbin’s smile pulled up at one corner. He stirred his tea. “Yes. That’s right.”

“They change things…” Bobby stirred his coffee, “very quickly.”

“They change everything very quickly,” Hanbin said.

“I…” Bobby swallowed. “I’m sorry to ask, but… was Bogyun planned?” He added, to seem less intrusive, “‘Cause Cheonsa wasn’t.”

When Bobby received no verbal response, he looked to see if Hanbin was indicating an answer, shaking his head or something. But Hanbin looked to be deep in thought. 

He finally said, “He wasn’t planned, but I also wasn’t surprised when he happened.”

“I feel that,” Bobby shook his head. “That’s exactly how it went for me too.”

“I figured,” Hanbin said. “For people like us, that’s how it goes.”

_For people like them._ That was just another reminder that, of _all_ the people on Earth, Bobby’s Higher Power chose to put _Hanbin_ in his life, as the sole person who could know his heart.

“You’re quiet,” Hanbin said. “I can’t decide what exactly you wanted to see me about. Is that it? Are we done?”

Bobby sighed. “Is it… how is it for you?”

Hanbin raised his eyebrows. 

Bobby elaborated, “Being a single dad?”

Hanbin visibly swallowed. Then he said, “It’s…” he made a hand motion.

“...It’s?”

Hanbin let out a deep exhale of pent up air. “It’s hard.”

Bobby felt like he could breathe properly for the first time since he got there. “It’s so hard.”

It was not the same as telling Jinhwan. Hanbin nodded like he knew, because he did know.

“How are you… like, coping?” Hanbin asked. 

“Honestly?” Bobby said, “I don’t know. I don’t think I am.” Tears were burning in his eyes, but he was not at his breaking point yet. This was just a lot of release all at once. “I’m just trying not to—not to fail her completely. Just doing what I can. I don’t know what I’m doing though. And I’m not good at doing what I do.” _I need help._

“I’ve always worked too much to worry about coping with how fucked up I am,” Hanbin said, and to Bobby’s surprise, Hanbin said it with a smile. He had clearly had time for the wound to heal over. This was just his life now. “But I feel sorry to Bogyun, that he got me. I wish I could just… do better.”

Bobby offered him a sad smile in return. Realizing he had not taken a sip of his coffee yet, he made an effort to sample it. Nice. “Mm,” he said, “this is good. Thanks.”

“My pleasure,” Hanbin raised his eyebrows as a show of kudos.

“So,” Hanbin continued. “How’s the show?”

Maybe that was the cue to lighten the mood.

Bobby scoffed, “You mean other than you?”

“Yeah,” Hanbin said. “Other than me.”

“Other than you, it’s been fun,” Bobby said, and he was only half lying. Some of it was fun. “Cheonsa has been enjoying it, at least until last week.”

“Don’t worry too much,” Hanbin said. “She’s a baby. You’ll be back in the competition next week.”

“Why are you comforting me?” Bobby asked. “Not to be ungrateful, but we’re not on the same team.”

Hanbin shrugged a shoulder. “If you’re not in the competition, who am I going to win against?”

He spoke as if it was only him and Bobby in the competition. Maybe to both of them, it was.

Bobby was the one to raise his eyebrows this time. He scoffed, but it was lighthearted. “Is that why you’re trying to beat me now? Redemption?”

“You’re going to make me say it?” Hanbin ran his hands through his hair. “Can’t you give me a break in my own home?”

Hanbin was putting on a flippant sort of tone, but Bobby could hear the strain in his vocal cords. Bobby struck something.

He stalled mentally. “I didn’t…” Did he? “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Hanbin pulled at his hair. “Just… forget about it. I want to be alone for a minute now. Thank you.”

Bobby knew when he had gone too far. He did not have the benefit of being silenced before he could overdo it this time.

“I… it’s my fault,” Bobby said. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to butt my head into yours. I really don’t intend to do it all the time, but...” _You’re not gonna believe me._ Bobby just sighed. No use in being a broken record. 

Bobby was not sure how to rectify the conversation after that. He grabbed his coffee and stood up. 

He could not believe he was saying this without a gun to his head, but he said, “I’m gonna go watch the movie with my kid.”

“I’ll catch up,” Hanbin said. 

Bobby nodded. He then headed out. 

Hanbin nudged Bobby with his shoulder on the way out, nearly causing Bobby’s coffee to spill over the edge of the cup. Bobby smiled and aggressively shoved Hanbin’s head in return. His hair was pointy. But... surprisingly soft, too. More robust than it looked. Back when Bobby had tried dying his hair, he had killed it the moment he touched it. Hanbin even had to outdo him in the hair salon. It was incredible. 

Bobby sauntered back into the living room. Cheonsa glanced at him, but then continued watching the movie. Bobby sat down next to her and put his arm across the back of the couch. He sipped his coffee. 

One ear-ringing solo later, Hanbin trudged in. He slumped in and plopped down next to Bobby on the couch. Bobby shuffled over to accommodate him.

At some point during the movie, Hanbin shifted. His hand touched Bobby’s. Or maybe Bobby’s hand touched his. Hanbin moved his hand away. Hanbin looked at Bobby and Bobby looked at Hanbin. Hanbin bit his lips together, looked away, and readjusted again. 

They were pretty close. Bobby could feel every movement as it disturbed the level of the couch cushion. 

Eventually, Hanbin settled down. 

Bobby shuffled closer. He sniffled, cleared his throat. Hanbin abruptly looked to him, then quickly looked away. Bobby clearly was not as subtle as he had wanted to be.

Bobby said, quietly, trying to lean close to his ear, “I just want you to know… I still want to talk sometimes, about dad stuff. Is that okay?”

Hanbin whispered back, “Yeah. It’s okay. I meant what I said.”

“Good. Because I didn’t mean to chase away the one person I have that can relate to me.”

“It’s okay. We just aren’t meant to be, I guess.”

Bobby swallowed with a dry click. Something felt wrong in the pit of his stomach. Maybe sadness. Maybe lamentation. “Guess so.”

-♡-

After all the fights with Cheonsa and headwear, this wig was going to be the challenge he had been training for. It was an Ariana Grande-esque, red-velvet-cupcake-coloured wig to complete Cheonsa’s ensemble as the little mermaid, Ariel. In the end, Bobby decided not to choose between princess and Octonaut. He could do both. He dressed Cheonsa in a frilly purple swimsuit top, a green skirt with a shiny scale pattern, and Cheonsa wanted her octopus plush as her accessory, which Bobby thought Flounder and Sebastian would let slide, so that was fine. 

Bobby himself was dressed as a pilot. He had planned this one for a while. He was all done up, a silver suit jacket atop a white shirt that was embroidered with patches of honour and his name scrawled in black thread across his heart. He even had the pilot hat. He did not mind how it all looked, especially when he turned to the side. It was form-fitting and less practical than it was decently attractive. 

Bobby straightened out his collar, then walked over to the couch. Cheonsa was pretending to make her octopus swim in the negative space beside the side of the couch. 

Bobby bent down into it. “Grr!” he bore his teeth. “Mr. Sea Monster is here!!” 

Cheonsa playful screamed, then pushed Bobby in the face with her octopus. Bobby made a show of groaning in defeat and falling over. Cheonsa laughed. As Bobby blinked, reassuming his role among the living and human, he saw smiles on the faces of the fellow contestants that shared the changeroom with him. Blushing, Bobby got back up onto his knees. 

“So, Cheonsa,” he said, “how do you feel?”

“Uhm,” Cheonsa swooshed around her octopus, “happy.”

“That’s good!” Bobby cheered. “Are you excited to do the show today?”

“Yes,” Cheonsa smiled, continuing to play with her octopus. 

Bobby had no idea if Cheonsa ever understood the implications of what she was talking about or if she functioned completely on instantaneous, primal instincts. But things were looking good. He gave her a thumbs up and she did her best to return it. 

Some time passed before Bobby deemed them ready to head out to the main stage. He took Cheonsa’s hand and the two commenced their well-traveled journey backstage, Cheonsa ready to reclaim the spotlight as he skipped happily along.

He first caught Hanbin in a flash of white. 

He had a feeling it was Hanbin even before he saw the other man’s face. Hanbin wore a long, white lab coat, and Bogyun, at his side, wore the same. They also both wore large, round glasses, but where Hanbin held a test tube kit at his side, Bogyun had a stethoscope around his neck. The baby doctor was currently checking the heartbeat of his own hand. 

Cute. Begrudgingly cute.

Hanbin looked up and caught Bobby’s eyes. By the way the wind was knocked out of him, you would think they crashed into each other again. 

Hanbin’s hair was re-dyed brown, Bobby only noticed when they noticed each other. It was slightly ruffled as well. Hanbin wore a white shirt under his lab coat, the top button undone. Perhaps he was going for a mad scientist look. 

Begrudgingly cute. 

Hanbin placed his hands in his pockets, drew the openings of the coat along the button lines together. Bogyun placed the stethoscope as high as he could reach, on Hanbin’s stomach. Bobby could not help but chuckle. 

Hanbin sent Bobby a long-suffering smile. Bobby, shyly, hid his teeth behind his lips and looked down to hide his grin. 

They made their way to the line backstage, Hanbin in front of Bobby as always. 

Hanbin and Bogyun walked the stage, but it seemed Bogyun was more enthused about playing doctor, and Hanbin was very apparently dragging him along. Bobby spared them a sympathetic smile. Hanbin picked Bogyun up as soon as they were off stage, and Bogyun babbled words to himself and pressed the stethoscope against Hanbin’s forehead. 

Cheonsa was back in her groove. She did wonderful walking on stage, holding Bobby’s hand tight in one baby fist and securing her octopus in the crook of her arm. Her red hair cascaded down her back in tempestuous waves. He should have brushed it out better, he thought, examining the flyaways. But Cheonsa was still the best little mermaid he had ever seen.

Bobby gave his best pilot stance at the end of the walkway, hands folded behind his back. He tipped his hat and winked at the audience before leading Cheonsa offstage again. 

They were back in the game, kicking ass and taking names. Cheonsa pulled her hair off as soon as she got backstage, but instead of throwing it on the ground, she put it on her octopus friend. 

“Daddy, this Princess,” she said. “Her name’s Princess Red.”

“That’s beautiful, Cheonsa,” Bobby said. The octopus’ eyes were concealed by the tangled nest of red vines like some kind of deep sea horror story. “Great job on stage.”

“Thank you,” Cheonsa said, and brushed her toy’s hair with her hand. 

“Ready to go?” Bobby asked. He held out his hand. 

After a moment of fussing over the princess, Cheonsa took Bobby’s hand. The two walked forward. 

“Bobb—”

It was too late. By the time Bobby looked up, he had to jerk to a stop, because Hanbin was directly in front of him. Bobby closed his eyes and sighed. Hanbin stepped back. 

“Sorry,” Bobby said. 

“I’m starting to see how this might also be my fault,” Hanbin said. “Sorry.”

Bobby’s eyes flicked down to Hanbin’s chest. His scientist robe was hanging wide open. Hanbin’s collarbones, and a decent amount of soft cleavage, was on display right in front of him. A hint of a tattoo teased him. 

Bobby looked back up into Hanbin’s eyes. Hanbin’s eyebrows were raised. 

“See you ‘round,” Bobby said. He was eager to get out of there. 

“Yeah,” Hanbin said. “Hope you enjoyed the show.”

That sounded far too smug for Bobby’s liking. He felt his cheeks heating up — it was lucky he did not blush easy. “Hope you had fun losing, ‘cause we’re back, baby.” 

“Don’t get your hopes up, ‘cause we never left, honey.” 

Bobby knew he had used a name first, but hearing Hanbin’s name tease him in response got Bobby warming up all over. He quickly pulled Cheonsa out the backstage door before his skin could show his shame. 

“Daddy,” Cheonsa said, quickly bouncing to keep up, “thirsty.”

Bobby stopped dead in his tracks, causing Cheonsa to jerk to a stop as well. Poor kid was being shaken around like the ragdoll on her arm. “Excuse me?” 

“Want juice.”

Bobby sighed. So this is where his mind was at. What was worse, if anything could be, was that he worried he had injured Cheonsa in his screech to a halt. He picked Cheonsa up, kissed her shoulder, and carried her the rest of the way to the changeroom to get her to her apple juice. 

_Don’t let him get to you, Bobby,_ he told himself, _you’re almost over the finish line._


	9. eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the first time I decided to look myself up on twitter, and guys I found SCREENSHOTS of my works in addition to the link being posted. It is fine to mention my pen name/work title publicly online, but ANY REPOSTS INCLUDING SCREENSHOTS OR LINKS IS PROHIBITED. This is to discourage it from spreading to idols and those associated with them!! The reason I allow for the link (only) to be posted to tumblr is because I have used tumblr for fandom since I was a kid, and I can attest that their search feature is, and always has been, a nightmare, and you really have to look for what you want. Thank you for recommending my works in private. PLEASE KEEP THIS STORY HERE. Thank you. 
> 
> TLDR: DON’T POST MY WORK ON OTHER PLATFORMS! THIS INCLUDES NO SCREENSHOTS!
> 
> Now that that’s out of the way,
> 
> Thank you for reading!! I know this story is taking a while. This last chapter almost took me out. It was so hard to decide what to include and to get everything right. Plus, I’m back in school. My brain is just not here. Thank you for waiting. You all truly have my heart.

Monday night found a tired Bobby melting into the couch to wind down. On the floor beside him, Cheonsa sat on her blanket, playing with toys. The night carried on this way until only the street lights beyond the curtains and the television in front of him illuminated the living room. Noticing the time on his phone, Bobby decided it was time to get up off the couch and direct Cheonsa through the bedtime routine. He heaved himself upward with a sigh.

“Okay, Cheonsa,” Bobby said, turning off the television as a show of solidarity. “Time for pajamas.”

“No,” Cheonsa said, and continued playing a game with her stuffed toys. 

“Cheonsa,” Bobby said. “It’s pajama time. Will you please come put on your pajamas?” 

“No!”

Her defiance got under Bobby’s skin every time. She was not normally difficult to negotiate with, but oh, it irked him having to try. It was not like he was being unreasonable; it was already 8:20. If it got to 9:00 she would be overtired. He gave her all the freedom a baby could ask for and in return he got sass. This ‘dad’ thing was such a thankless gig.

“Cheonsa,” Bobby said, voice remaining neutral. “It is past 8 in the evening, so it’s pajama time. No exceptions. You already played for too long.”

“No!”

“Cheonsa.” 

“NO.”

Bobby tried to breathe through it. He stood up and took her hand. “Let’s go.”

“ **_NO!_ **” Cheonsa wailed, and began to cry. She struggled to pull back on Bobby’s hold, but she did walk alongside him without Bobby having to drag her. She was just very reluctant to accept reality. 

Bobby got her changed into her pajamas while Cheonsa thrashed and sobbed. You would think Bobby was sending her to the dungeon or something. Bobby might not have worked out in a while, but he was strong enough to slip a baby into a onesie, so he got her buttoned up with minimal physical effort. The emotional toll it took was another story. 

Cheonsa continued to sob. 

“Ready to brush teeth?”

“Nooo,” Cheonsa wept.

“Why not?” 

“I’m hungryyyy!” 

Bobby resisted pinching the bridge of his nose. “Then why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?”

Cheonsa just continued to sob. 

“Okay, come on,” Bobby brought her back out to the living room. “What do you want to eat?” 

In response he got more crying. When Bobby released her hand, she plunked herself onto the floor to cry on her butt. 

Bobby did not resist groaning. He trudged to the kitchen to see what he could give her. Something low sugar hopefully? He rooted through the cupboards. 

Toast? Maybe toast. Or a pack of crackers, but not the ones with strawberry filling. Although Cheonsa was going through a phase where she _only_ ate the strawberry crackers… Hm. Bobby decided to make her some toast. He popped a slice of bread into the toaster. 

“Cheonsa,” Bobby said, “I’m making toast. Do you want toast?” 

“NO!” 

“Well you’re getting toast.”

“ _NOOOOOOO..._ ”

“Aish, Cheonsa, calm down,” Bobby scolded, “you’re gonna hurt your throat.”

“Dadddyy I dun wanna blurghhuhgh.” Most of Cheonsa’s words were lost in spit bubbles. 

“I can’t understand what you’re saying.”

That seemed to upset her more. She plunked down face-first onto the floor. 

Bobby entered the living room and picked her up off of the floor. He carried her the short distance to the dining table and set her in her booster seat. He put the slice of toast with butter down in front of her. Cheonsa continued to cry. 

“I don’ wan’ it,” she said. “Want stwabelli cracker!”

“No.”

“WANT CRACKER. _AHHHHHH_ **_!!_ **”

Bobby was never sure if he should cave in these situations. He did not know if rewarding her was the best solution. Should he teach her to think she cannot cry to get what she wants? Or teach her to think her dad doesn’t care? What was the line between discipline and neglect? And was he a bad person for just wanting to take the easy way out for peace and quiet? It drove him crazy. 

He needed advice. He needed help. And he was not going to bother Jiun.

He stepped out of the dining room and called Hanbin. 

Hanbin answered on the third ring. “Hey?”

“Hi,” Bobby started, and he was sure Cheonsa could be heard in the background. “Listen, when Bogyun cries for something, what do you do?” 

“Oh, uh, honestly?” Hanbin replied, “I usually just give it to him ‘cause I feel bad that his mom is a sociopath. But sometimes I say if he’s good today he can have it tomorrow, and by tomorrow he usually forgets. Or you can lie.”

“Lie?”

“Yeah, like telling them the ghosts will eat ungrateful children.”

“That’s a little harsh.”

“I’ve never done it, it’s just an option.”

“Well, thank you for the advice.”

“No problem.” In the pause that followed, Cheonsa’s wailing filled the silence. He could tell that her strength was waning, though. “Good luck.”

“Thanks,” Bobby said, and hung up. 

Bobby rejoined Cheonsa in the dining room. She was still crying, but the cries were more hiccupy, tired, and genuinely sad. She was either too sleepy to be angry or had been crying too long to remember why she was doing so in the first place. The echo of a tantrum, like the remnants that ring in your skull.

“Cheonsa,” Bobby said. “If you eat the toast tonight, you can have the strawberry crackers for breakfast.”

“No…”

Without thinking much about it, Bobby tacked on, “Because if you eat sugar at night, the ants will smell it on your tongue and crawl into your mouth.”

Cheonsa stopped crying, as if startled. She sniffled, but it did no good, because her snot was stubbornly caked on her upper lip. 

“Oh,” she said, sadly. “Why?”

Not his finest hour by far, but whatever works.

“Yeah,” he said, “Because ants love sweets. That’s why they ate the lollipop you dropped at the park.”

“Oh…” she looked at her toast. Gently, she lifted it to her lips and chewed a tiny piece. 

It was such a desolate victory. A cold and broken hallelujah, as they say.

After a moment to breathe, Cheonsa said, “Daddy, want bed.”

Bobby took a tissue to Cheonsa’s nose, first and foremost. After mopping up her face, he picked his baby up and held her to his chest. He sang a lullaby as he brought her to the bedroom. It was 8:35, so they were not making bad time. She was out before her body hit the mattress. 

-♡-

Bobby awoke starfished and tangled in blankets the next morning with a slight pain in his lower back. He figured it was from wrestling Cheonsa last night. He might have just been getting old. He squinted against the sunlight coming in through the window. His alarm went off a few short minutes later, and with that, Bobby rolled out of bed. He stretched his waist and arms before throwing on a day shirt and pants. He collected his phone and slipped it in his back pocket. 

Unsurprisingly, Cheonsa’s baby gate was down by the time he got there. He commenced his search for the tiny adventurer. 

He found her in the bathroom this time. She was digging under the sink. Bobby kept the extra toilet paper there, along with some towels and Cheonsa’s bath toys. Cheonsa was currently wiping her hands on her bath towel. 

“Cheonsa,” Bobby said, “why are you wiping your hands down there?” The hand towel was on the rack where it always was.

“Uhm,” Cheonsa said, quickly conjuring a response, “‘cause I want pink towel. That towel’s white, I want pink towel. So I’m touch pink towel.” 

Oh well, okay. Who knows why anything matters to kids? It was not a big deal. Bobby took the towel out from under the sink to hang it on the towel rack to dry. 

“Uncle Minho is coming to visit today,” Bobby said. “Are you excited?”

“Yes!” Cheonsa said, and jumped a little bit into the air. She smiled up at Bobby with all of her tiny teeth. 

Bobby could not help but smile at her. He picked her up, gave her a kiss, and reminded her to be very careful on the stepping stool to the sink, and to wait for Bobby if she could be patient. Cheonsa agreed, but Bobby knew she would forget her promise as soon as she felt independent again. He could only try his hand at discipline and hope for the best.

Luckily, Cheonsa forgot about wanting strawberry crackers for breakfast. He gave her some anyway.

“Hey, baby,” Bobby said. “Play with your toys in your room for a minute, daddy just has to clean up the apartment a little bit.”

“Okay,” Cheonsa said, and ran into her room with a skip in her step. 

Bobby first went to use the bathroom. He washed his hands and face, made sure to examine his jaw and determine if he could get away without touching up his shave. But as soon as possible, he called Hanbin. 

“Hello?” Hanbin answered, and Bobby was thankful that the other man sounded wide awake.

“Hey, uhm, thank you for last night. Your advice actually came in clutch.” 

“Oh, good. What worked?”

“Uh,” Bobby bit his lip, “don’t worry about it.”

He thought he heard Hanbin snort on the other line. 

“Good luck with your interview today,” Hanbin said. 

“Thanks, same to you,” Bobby responded. 

They said their goodbyes. Bobby took a breath in and out to steel himself, then went about making the apartment presentable.

For the Tuesday interview, the show requested that Bobby meet with a friend that would get along with Cheonsa. His company suggested promoting a friend in YG, which was fine, it was not like Bobby had so many other friends to choose from. Minho would do well. Minho had wanted to be on the show from the get-go. Everyone wins. 

It was agreed that Minho would go to Bobby’s apartment, as Winner had a lot of animals that might interfere with the interview. So there they were, about an hour later, sitting on the living room floor on a fluffy pink blanket while Cheonsa played with her toys, telling Bobby and Minho a story about them that the boys could only nod and smile to. Minho delicately styled Cheonsa’s hair.

“Minho hyung and I go way back,” Bobby explained to the interviewer. “We were writing and rapping together even before we debuted. He took care of me a lot even though I was in YG longer. He has more experience.”

Minho nodded with a proud sort of shy smile. He diligently focused on Cheonsa’s hair. He was creating many small ponytails. He already put two pink clips at the front of her hair. It was a little too elaborate for day wear, but for dress-up, Minho was quite the stylist.

“Ah, and he’s been here for Cheonsa since day one,” Bobby continued. “He’s been an amazing friend to me. He’s actually the one who encouraged me to be on the show. I’m thankful for that.”

Minho gave Bobby a sincere smile. He said, “It’s my pleasure.” Then, “I love taking care of Cheonsa. Cheonsa, do you like me?”

“Yes,” Cheonsa said. Then she abruptly asked, “You mom?” 

Minho laughed, a little shocked. “What, suddenly?” he asked her. “Am I not your uncle?”

“Mom too?” she implored.

“I’m not a mom,” Minho said. “Why do you ask that all of a sudden?”

“‘Cause hair!” Cheonsa explained.

“Because I have hair?”

“No!” Cheonsa exclaimed. “My hair!”

“Ah, you’re wondering if I’m a mom because I can do hair? Like a salon ajumma?”

Cheonsa nodded.

“But your daddy does your hair, no?”

“No,” Cheonsa said, with conviction. Bobby did not know whether or not to feel betrayed by a declaration so inarguably untrue. “You _my_ mom?”

Oh. Bobby understood now.

It seemed Minho did too. With a laugh, Minho asked, “Oh, I see. Would you like me to be your mom?”

“Yes,” Cheonsa said. 

Bobby’s heart hurt.

Minho looked at Bobby, and there was a question in his eyes that Bobby could not answer, because he really did not know how to. He did not know how he felt.

So Minho did not respond any further to Cheonsa’s line of thought. He just tied up the final ponytail of four and showed Cheonsa his work in a tiny pink mirror with sparkles around the plastic edges. “Ta-daaa.”

Cheonsa felt around the back of her head. “Wow,” she said, “pretty.”

Minho beamed proudly. Bobby smiled at his daughter. The image of her was soft around the edges from the ache in his heart. 

Night time rolled around. Bobby brushed the ponytails out of Cheonsa’s hair. She stood in front of him while he sat on the couch. At the same time, Cheonsa brushed out the four ponytails she had twisted up on her doll’s head, perfectly reminiscent of her hairstyle that day. 

Bobby delicately fluffed her silky hair when he was done brushing. Cheonsa turned around, eyes downcast on her doll. 

“Daddy,” she said, “want mom.”

It stuck him in the heart and stole his breath like a gust of winter wind. Bobby did not know what to say. He had no idea how to comfort her. He certainly had nothing to offer that could rectify her pain. 

“Yeah, baby,” was all he said, “sometimes I want you to have a mom, too.”

Cheonsa looked down at her doll and gently stroked its hair. A pout was set on her lips. 

“Hey,” Bobby said. “Instead of dolls, do you want to watch a show? It can be any show you want.”

Cheonsa nodded, still looking down at her doll. “Fwozen.”

Bobby nodded and gave Cheonsa’s hair a ruffle. He thought he should be offering something else, something more substantial, but he was also so grateful that he did not have to exert energy right then. Cheonsa’s statement had drained any energy he had in his heart to show comfort. He needed a bit of tenderness himself. 

He turned on the television and accessed their streaming service, turning on the most recent _Frozen_ spin-off show produced on the local kids’ channel. Cheonsa snuggled next to Bobby on the couch. 

Bobby sunk into it. He stayed there with Cheonsa until she fell asleep in the crook of his arm. She never let go of the Barbie doll.

-♡-

**> Messages**

**> Add Contact: ** **_Kim Hanbin_ **

**> To Hanbin:** hey can we meet up again?

-♡-

It was hazy around the edges, yet Bobby understood where he was, and why he was there. Bobby was in his studio, working, when Hanbin came in. Bobby welcomed him. For whatever reason, they were writing a theme song for the competition, and this was unspoken knowledge between them.

But Hanbin was not as reluctant to share a workspace with Bobby in his dreams as the other was in real life. Hanbin sat on Bobby’s work desk, his toes only slightly touching the floor. A song played on his computer, one Bobby was not sure he had ever heard before.

“It’s nice,” Bobby commented. 

It was Hanbin’s song. Of course. It sounded just like Hanbin. Bobby could recognize the voice now, and he knew the song well, even though he could not recollect ever hearing it.

“Thank you,” Hanbin said. “It’s one of my b-sides. But it means a lot to me.”

Bobby stood up and walked between Hanbin’s legs. He grabbed Hanbin’s hips lightly in his hands. Hanbin smiled and wrapped his hands around Bobby’s wrists, securing Bobby’s hands against him.

Bobby awoke with a jolt, as though Hanbin’s touch had sent a current of electricity through his veins. He rubbed his wrist at the spot over the inky heart. It pulsated under his skin. 

He checked his phone. The digital clock changed from 2:34 to 2:35. He had a new message.

 **(2:34am) Kim Hanbin:** sure thing. Does Thursday work for you?

-♡-

It was never formally discussed that Bobby and Hanbin had now met a truce, but what Bobby needed more than an enemy at this point in his life was a friend. 

“She’s starting to ask ‘why’,” Bobby said. 

They started their conversation in the kitchen, Bobby accompanying Hanbin to make coffee. 

“It’s just little things right now, like why we go to sleep or why we can’t eat strawberries forever. But I’m afraid one day it’s…” Bobby looked over his shoulder at the kids, and whispered, “it’s going to be ‘why don’t I have a mom?’ Or somethin’...”

Hanbin rejoined Bobby in the doorway of the kitchen so the kids were back in his line of sight. He handed Bobby a coffee, and Bobby thanked him, taking a sip.

“I’m sorry,” Hanbin said. “It’s going to be hard to deal with that, especially after what happened last night.”

“Yeah,” Bobby said, looking down at the liquid in his cup. It was hazelnut and chocolate flavoured and suddenly too thick to drink.

“I am mom,” Cheonsa said, making a Barbie doll walk towards Bogyun’s Ken doll. “You dad.”

Bogyun aggressively knocked the Barbie out of Cheonsa’s hand with the Ken doll. “No mom,” he said.

Hanbin said, “Bogyun, don’t say that.”

“No, no,” Bobby encouraged. “Let him speak.”

Hanbin sighed. He nodded over his shoulder to bring Bobby back into the safety of the kitchen. Once inside, Hanbin continued, “His mom won’t be happy with me if she finds out he said that.”

“Is she ever happy with you?” Bobby offered. Hanbin just breathed audibly through his nose. Bobby added, “That was her, wasn’t it? That day when that crazy person came into work and started screaming at you. That was her?”

Hanbin swallowed dryly, his coffee unsampled. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” Hanbin said. “She’s a nightmare. A nightmare I can’t wake up from.”

“I’m really sorry about that.” Bobby said. “I’m hoping some of Bogyun’s dislike will rub off on Cheonsa, that’s all.”

Hanbin tried to offer a smile. “I’d let him, but I don’t need her using it against me in court.”

Bobby’s eyebrows rose. “Eh?”

“When he gets older he’ll be able to decide who he wants to live with, and for how long. If my ex finds out he already has a preference for me she’ll say I coached him. It will look bad on me.”

“That’s terrible,” Bobby said, and scrunched his nose. It would be bad for Hanbin if Bogyun liked him and bad if he didn’t. Hanbin really could not win here.

“Yeah,” Hanbin said. “How was court with your ex?”

“Oh,” Bobby said. He sniffled and rubbed the back of his neck. “We never went to court. She just... up and left.”

“You’re so lucky.”

That hurt. Bobby visibly winced.

Hanbin’s eyes immediately widened. “I’m sorry,” he said. He shook his head. “I mean for myself. I wish my ex would just leave one day. The legal battle is a shitshow,” Hanbin mumbled, hopefully quiet enough so as to not be overheard by tiny, impressionable ears. “I’m sorry that happened to you. Really.”

He led Bobby out of the kitchen and to the dining area. Maybe they were supposed to sit down, but Bobby just stood, and so Hanbin did as well.

Recollecting himself, he processed Hanbin’s words beyond how they had initially hurt. He crossed his arms. “How bad would it be, you know, if you two have shared custody until he’s nineteen?” He jutted his chin out to Bogyun. “Does she treat him well?”

“I don’t know,” Hanbin said. “She feeds him, if that means anything.”

Bobby had nothing to say. He unfolded his arms and looked down at the cup clutched in his hands. He felt bad, so bad, and his guilt for how he had misrepresented Hanbin in his own brain was as hard to keep down as the coffee.

Hanbin said, looking aimlessly at his hands, “She’s a fuck-up. And I’m a fuck-up for knowing her.”

“Don’t regret her,” Bobby said, using Jinhwan’s words. “She gave you Bogyun.”

Hanbin sighed, his shoulders slumped. “Yeah. She did.”

“Daddy!” Cheonsa called.

Cheonsa was waving her Barbie in the air. The Barbie had her hair done in four ponytails. She was very fond of the look nowadays. Bobby tried not to think about the Barbie hair as a tether to Minho, tried not to think about Cheonsa trying to recruit a new mom. It just made his stomach flip over and over like a never-ending cycle on the washing machine. One day she would know why Minho would never be her mom. One day. One day she would ask. _Flip flop_.

“Like it, daddy?” Cheonsa asked.

“Yeah,” Hanbin said with a fond smile. “Like it, daddy?”

Bobby’s heart dropped. He turned to look at Hanbin with widened eyes. Good God Almighty. Why was he looking at Hanbin again? He got nothing out of this except a vacant ache in his chest and a minor spark in his lower stomach.

 _Okay, you know what?_ Bobby decided for himself that he was allowed to be a little wound up. 

Bobby had not had a bedfellow in a long time. A very long time. That was two years of masturbation. Two. years.

Bobby cleared his throat. “I love it, baby.” 

It came out a little rougher than he had wanted it to. And perhaps worse than that, he realized too late that he had said it right to Hanbin’s face.

This time, it was Hanbin that looked flustered. He licked his lips and averted his eyes, and Bobby swore he saw Hanbin’s cheeks pinkening before Bobby could not handle looking at him for a second longer, and looked away. Cool French doors. Were they there back when they were trainees?

“So, uh,” Hanbin spoke. “Tell me… tell me about how you spend your days.”

Bobby redirected his attention to Hanbin. “Work and Cheonsa,” Bobby said. 

Hanbin chuckled. He gestured to the couch. “Tell me about it.”

Deciding it was safe to have this conversation within an earshot of the kids, Bobby sat down, and Hanbin sat down next to him. Hanbin sipped his coffee before resting it on the table. The echo of the clink against wood reverberated throughout the dorm. 

“Not much to tell,” Bobby said. “We do the same thing everyday, basically. You should know.”

“That’s true,” Hanbin said.

“Did you get used to it?” Bobby asked, looking around the empty, brown cubby. “Having a dorm to yourself?”

“No,” Hanbin said. “I never get used to being alone.”

“You must like it,” Bobby said.

“I hate it,” Hanbin said. 

Bobby looked to him. That was surprising. “You always wanted to be alone before.”

Hanbin scrunched his eyebrows, shook his head. “I hate being alone. I just like working. I always hated being alone.”

Bobby looked back through his memories of Hanbin, of finding him alone in the studio, alone in his room practicing his lines. Hanbin’s look of determination when Bobby found Hanbin learning a new choreo at four in the morning so he could teach it to the kids later that day. 

Those memories were immediately followed by Hanbin’s hand around Bobby’s waist, asking him to sit together. It was followed by Hanbin and Bobby laughing and playing together in the dorm. It was followed by Hanbin sitting next to Bobby to recuperate and sticking his hand under Bobby’s shirt to wick the sweat away with his skin. 

It should not have been surprising. Bobby wondered where those memories were hidden in his brain, why he had to go searching for them. 

Hanbin’s hand reached out to touch Bobby’s arm. His thumb swiped over the fabric of Bobby’s sweater. Bobby wondered why he felt jolted. They used to touch all the time.

Where had he hidden Hanbin all of these years? This version of Hanbin was buried in that brain of Bobby’s somewhere.

“You’re not alone,” Bobby said, and his throat threatened to close around his words like they were an allergy.

Hanbin blinked, looked down. His hand fell from Bobby’s arm, but stayed at his thigh, fingers nipping at the belt loops of his jeans. “Thank you.”

Maybe they were more alone together than Bobby could have ever imagined. Maybe the world had always collapsed around them and left the two of them alone in the universe. Maybe there was just… Hanbin. 

It made him feel sick. Maybe this was all a bad reaction to the coffee. Bobby never did figure out how to use a Keurig.

Hanbin gently lowered his head to rest on Bobby’s shoulder. Bobby felt the warmth from the contact course through him, even though Hanbin barely had time to touch him with the ends of his hair before Bogyun started yelling, and Hanbin’s head snapped up once more. Bogyun never raised his voice, so it quickly caught their attention. Bobby’s spine ran cold.

They saw Bogyun trying to express something to Cheonsa, but Cheonsa clearly could not make out what he was saying. She offered him a doll. Bogyun threw it down. 

“HEY!” Cheonsa screamed. 

“Okay,” Hanbin jumped off the couch. He walked over to Bogyun and knelt down behind him, rubbing his shoulders. “How about a movie?” 

“Fwozen 2!” Cheonsa said. 

“Yeh,” Bogyun agreed. 

“Bogun,” Cheonsa said, “You like’n wheh go to fya n’fine wader spert?”

“Yeh,” Bogyun agreed. 

Cheonsa nodded and put Barbie’s foot in her mouth. Bogyun did the same with Ken’s head.

Bobby sighed. Frozen 2 it was. 

Bobby tried to stay awake, but when his conversation with Hanbin came to a natural close, his eyes did the same. 

“Bobby.”

The gentle voice summoned Bobby out of his slumber. He blinked and saw Hanbin’s face above him. The eye boogers collected in the corners of his eyes cast a halo around the other man. 

Bobby blinked it away. He straightened up and stretched, and rubbed his eyes clean with his knuckles. Frozen 2 was over, and Cheonsa and Bogyun had returned to the floor to play with their toys. Bobby’s coffee had gone cold. 

Hanbin gave him a small smile. “I hate to rush you out, but I have to feed the kid soon, and I didn’t plan for guests. I’ll see you later?” 

Bobby checked the time: almost five. Dinnertime.

“Yeah,” Bobby said, surprisingly breathless. He sniffled, cleared his throat. “See you later.”

Bobby felt Hanbin’s knuckles against his neck. After standing up and prying a whining Cheonsa out of Bogyun’s arms, he felt Hanbin’s eyes on his back until he was beyond the closed door. 

-♡-

Bobby called his hair stylist for a last minute appointment. Okay, so the cold war between Bobby and Hanbin may have been settled to rest under white flags, but this was Bobby’s last chance to show Hanbin up. He was going to make it count.

-♡-

The theme of the final week was Winter Wonderland. It was only fitting that Cheonsa would go as Elsa. From the start of this competition, Bobby had overcome a lot that was holding him back. He was warming up to the idea of letting go. 

Bobby, of course, would be going as Jack Frost, because that’s sexier than a snowman, a reindeer, or a Nordic iceman, but only slightly sexier than the Nordic iceman.

Bobby ruffled his fingers through his snow white and silver hair. It was certainly a stark jump from his usual style, but it was cool. He would probably go purple after this. He was feeling bold recently, what could he say? He had come a long way. 

Cheonsa flitted around in her blue gown, her own hair covered by a braided white wig. Bobby put a little crown in it, and for the first time, Cheonsa let the headpiece stay on her head. Maybe she was too high on the thrill of being her hero that she could not care about trivial matters like headpiece aversion. Either way, she was taking it like a star.

Bobby adjusted his blue hoodie. His brown pants were rolled up at the cuff. He was underdressed compared to Cheonsa, but she was the star of the show anyway. 

Where was the final piece of the outfit, his staff? Well, it was just a big stick he painted blue and Cheonsa helped cover in glitter, but it was still essential, trust him. Had someone thrown it away thinking it was a weapon? Or yard waste? He looked around the room. Cheonsa zoomed past him as a bouncing orb of sparkling light. 

Hm. Maybe he left it by the clothing rack. He quickly went to search for it.

Yes! It had fallen behind his duffle bag. He picked it up and dusted it off. A few (more) glitter pieces floated down onto his duffle bag. He would need to hose that off in the yard later. But no matter! He got his staff.

“Alright Cheonsa,” Bobby said, “you ready?”

But there was no response.

“Cheonsa?”

Bobby looked around the room. The ball of light had gone out. She was gone. 

Bobby threw his staff on the couch. “Cheonsa,” he frantically looked around the room. “Cheonsa!”

“Are you alright, Mr. Kim-sshi?” one of the other mothers in the competition approached him. He barely noticed the other eyes turn to him as he started to raise his voice.

“I, my daughter,” Bobby could barely get the words out. “Have you seen my daughter?”

The mother, Mrs. Jang, looked around the room. She looked back to Bobby. “Oh dear.” 

Bobby’s heart dropped. “CHEONSA!” he screamed. “CHEONSA!”

He faintly heard Mrs. Jang say something, but Bobby was not paying attention. His heart was racing in his ears. 

Bobby ran out of the room. “CHEONSA!” He looked both ways down the hall, hoping to see her running down it to him. She was not there. “CHEONSA!”

Bobby ran down the hall to the end to see if she was among the flurry of the competition. Staff and contestants whirred around him and spun his head into cotton sugar. Bobby almost lost his footing as he backed out of the crowd. A caretaker spoke to him and Bobby ignored her. He turned on his heel. 

“ **CHEONSA!** ”

He went back to the changerooms. He threw open the door of the first one he saw, startling the last few people inside. 

“ **CHEONSA!** **_CHEONSA!_ **”

“Bobby!” 

Bobby whipped his head to the source of the familiar sound. 

“Bobby, she’s here!” 

Bobby ran into the open changeroom, the one next to his. He skidded to a stop. 

Cheonsa was in Hanbin’s arms. Hanbin rushed to meet Bobby at the door. 

“Here, she’s here,” Hanbin said. “She followed Bogyun. Here.”

Bobby thought he might pass out. When feeling returned to his arms, he grabbed Cheonsa and brought her head to his shoulder. He might have been crushing her. He wanted to crush her. He wanted to meld her into his skin and have her stuck to him forever.

“Hey.”

It was Hanbin’s voice. Bobby did not know how much time passed. When he opened his eyes he realized there were tears on his lashes. 

“Thank you,” Bobby croaked out. “Thank you.”

Hanbin stared at him with glossy eyes, holding Bogyun in his own arms, albeit probably not as tight. Hanbin just nodded. 

Bobby nodded back. “I’m going to take Cheonsa home now.”

Hanbin’s expression dropped from sadness to fear. “What?”

“I’m going home,” Bobby said. His words were falling out of his mouth like air. He could hardly catch his breath. “I — I can’t do this right now. I have to take Cheonsa home.”

“You’re just shaken up right now…” Hanbin reached out a hand.

Bobby flinched away from it. “I have to go.”

“Bobby, you can’t,” Hanbin said. He placed a hand on Bobby’s shoulder. “You already sat out of one show…”

“I don’t care about winning,” Bobby said. “You can have it. I don’t care about winning. I don’t care at all.”

Hanbin’s lips clamped shut. He had a look on his face that Bobby could not decipher. 

Then Hanbin said, “Please. You’ve come this far.”

“Why do you care?”

Hanbin took a deep breath, let it out through his nose. “I don’t want to win if it’s not against you.”

Bobby scoffed. “I don’t care about our—”

“I don’t want to lose if it’s not to you either,” Hanbin said. 

His hand steadily trailed down the length of Bobby’s arm. Hanbin hesitated for a moment over Bobby’s flesh, then determinedly enveloped his hand over Bobby’s. 

“You worked so hard,” Hanbin said. “You deserve this. No one deserves it more. I can’t let you walk out of here. Not now. You need to go out there with Cheonsa and kick my… butt.”

Bobby held Hanbin’s eyes for a long moment. His hand was hot as fire under Hanbin’s touch. 

Hanbin’s lips twitched up at one corner into a tenuous smile. Bobby appreciated the censorship of the word ‘ass’. He appreciated everything Hanbin had said. 

He took a moment to notice Hanbin. What even was the other boy? He was dressed in a pretty sweater with mittens tied around his wrists, and his brown hair spilled out of a green hat with a red pompom at the tip. His nose was painted pink with blush and his eyes were shining. He looked lovely. But Bobby missed the reference.

“What are you dressed as?” Bobby asked. 

“Oh,” Hanbin looked down at himself. He looked back up. “I’m just happy to be here.” 

At that, Bobby giggled. Hanbin giggled back. 

“And Bogyunnie is a gingerbread cookie,” Hanbin said. 

Bobby could see that. Bogyun was dressed in a brown, fluffy onesie, decorated in buttons and bits that represented gumdrops and candies, and frosted with lace throughout. He looked good enough to eat. Bobby reached over and gave his hair a fluff. Bogyun smiled. 

“I guess I could be the baker,” Hanbin said, “of the gingerbread cookie. I did a good job on it.”

He bounced Bogyun in his arms, and Bogyun smiled at him like Hanbin was his world. 

And he was. All these babies had were their dads. He had to do this for Cheonsa. This was her night as much as his. They were in this together. 

“Okay,” Bobby said. “Okay, let me get my staff.”

Hanbin placed his hand on Bobby’s cheek and smiled. Bobby’s cheeks flushed hot. He then withdrew his hand and started to head out. “I’ll see you soon. They already did last call. Hurry!”

Bobby nodded. He released Cheonsa’s head. Cheonsa looked at him with wide, blinking eyes. They were so much like her mother’s. So much like his. So much her own that it did not even matter. This was the person Bobby loved most in the whole world, and who loved him the most in return. Nothing else mattered. 

“Come on,” he said. He ran with Cheonsa to get his staff, clutched it steadfast in his hand, then ran Cheonsa out to the backstage. 

When they got to their place in line, Bobby set Cheonsa down. “Okay baby,” he said, for the last time, “you ready?”

“Yeah!” Cheonsa said, and gave a little jump. Luckily, the events that transpired did not seem to affect her much. 

And why would they? Bobby was the parent. Until her age was in double digits, all of her stress and worries would be Bobby’s to hold in his heart. They would be his burden to carry, to nurture, to hopefully dispel. But Cheonsa would just be here for the pretty dress and the good time. 

And that was okay. This is what Bobby signed up for. This is what he wanted. He could never want anything else but Cheonsa, just the way she was. And no matter what, he had Sunday to thank for that. 

“Oh good,” Hanbin said over his shoulder. “You made it.”

“I had to see you lose,” Bobby said with a smile. 

Hanbin smiled back. “In your dreams.”

“You saying I dream about you?” Bobby challenged. He hoped he was not blushing. He remembered the truth of that quip far too late.

Hanbin raised his eyebrows. He must have seen Bobby blush. 

Bobby mumbled, “In _your_ dreams…”

Hanbin giggled and turned back around. “You wish”.

That was not an outright ‘no’.

When it was Bobby and Cheonsa’s turn, they took the stage by storm. Cheonsa strutted down the walkway, channeling every last drop of her icy inner Elsa. Bobby was just happy to be there. They struck a pose at the end of the stage, then turned around, hand in hand, to complete their journey together. It had finally come to a close. The past was in the past. 

Bobby carried Cheonsa down the stage stairs and gave her a spin. She cheered and laughed. 

“We did it, baby,” Bobby smiled. “You’re a queen.”

“I’m queen,” Cheonsa said. 

“Yes, my angel girl,” Bobby said, playing on her namesake. “Yes, you are. And never forget that, okay? Never hide yourself away.”

“Never.”

Bobby could not help but puff out his chest in pride.

-♡-

Back in the change room, Bobby stood in his undershirt and sweatpants. He rolled up the sweater and threw it in his duffle bag. Everything had glitter on it at this point, besides the jacket he hung on the coat rack, so he figured he would just wear that home. His duffle bag was more like a snowglobe at this point. When Cheonsa decided to finally take off the Elsa outfit, he would have another glitter bomb to add to the mix.

Hanbin walked into the changeroom, still wearing his Christmas outfit. Bogyun was back in his non-costume pajamas. 

“Hey,” Hanbin said. “Just checking in.”

“Come on in,” Bobby said with a smile. 

Hanbin and Bogyun entered. Hanbin sat Bogyun on the couch next to Cheonsa. Bogyun tried to be interested in the toys Cheonsa played with, but Bobby could tell the little guy was falling asleep. Sweet kid. Sweet as a cookie. Bobby was quite fond of him. 

“How are you feeling?” Hanbin asked.

Bobby breathed in and out and took a moment to gauge his emotions. He felt something in his chest like residual heartburn, but he was, in the moment, calm. “I’m okay. Better. Thanks.”

Hanbin smiled and nodded, apparently satisfied. “So,” he then said. “The hair?”

Bobby returned his attention to Hanbin.

“I know,” Bobby said. “It’s crazy, right?”

“It’s…” Hanbin searched for the right words. “Bold.”

Bobby scoffed. “I know. I wanna dye it purple. It might die and fall off before that though.”

Hanbin giggled. Bobby just pulled a hair tie off his wrist for the time being and tied his bangs up into a palm tree ponytail. Hanbin giggled at him again. 

Then Hanbin’s face fell. He looked like his stomach had turned. 

Bobby scrunched his eyebrows, confused. He sniffled. “What?”

Hanbin opened his mouth, but he did not respond. He sputtered, then stood up, taking Bogyun’s hand in his, as though he was about to make an escape.

Bobby stood up to follow him. He was worried, in all honesty. Hanbin was freaking him out. 

Hanbin brushed him off. “I — I need a minute.”

“Hanbin?” 

Hanbin just shook his head.

Bobby stepped in front of Hanbin to block his pathway out. “Hello? Dude, are you o—?”

Hanbin grabbed Bobby’s wrist, and Bobby almost yelped. Jesus, this guy was terrifying sometimes. Bobby yanked his arm free. He refused to be manhandled. Hanbin could not play with Bobby’s body like he was some kind of baby doll.

“Why are you so aggressive with me?” Bobby demanded. “I know you bump into me on purpose, and now you’re grabbing my arm. Why?”

Hanbin grabbed Bobby’s wrist again and turned his hand over, so, case in point. The veins in Bobby’s wrist faced the ceiling. Such an action would reveal the heart on his wrist if it was visible to anyone except Bobby, but of course, Hanbin would only see veins. Weirdly enough, Hanbin seemed to be looking right at the spot where the heart was. 

Bobby’s blood ran cold. 

Hanbin was looking right at the heart. The unseeable heart. Unless...

Hanbin swallowed dryly.

Startled, Bobby raised his eyes to meet Hanbin’s. Hanbin looked back at him. 

_Oh,_ Bobby thought. _That’s why._ **_Oh._ **

-♡-

“I can’t believe you never noticed,” Jinhwan said. 

Cheonsa sat on his lap, playing with the new, pink teddy bear that Jinhwan and Junhoe bought her for completing the competition. The original plan was to have Cheonsa go home with Bobby’s parents, as she did every weekend, but this time, Bobby could not bear to part with her. Not after what happened the previous night. The roles had reversed, and he was a koala on her ankle now.

“Well,” Bobby scratched his arm, meekly tilting his head away from Jinhwan’s accusatory gaze. “We always wore long sleeves.”

Jinhwan rolled his eyes and continued, “Hanbin wears his heart on his sleeve. You wear yours too. You seem to think it’s a burden, but it’s not. It’s cute. And you should stop suppressing it. You should let yourself love again. You’ve been holding onto this… all of this, for too long.”

After Bobby had floundered and ran out on Hanbin after discovering they were soulmates, Bobby had told Jinhwan and Junhoe. The two invited him over for breakfast the next day. 

“By ‘this’...” Bobby made an abstract hand gesture. “Do you mean… her?”

“No,” Jinhwan said. “Yes, but no. You’ve been holding onto this idea that Hanbin betrayed you, so you hate him. And you’ve been holding onto that for far too long now, Jiwon-ah. It’s time to move on.”

Jinhwan took a deep breath in tandem with Bobby. 

Jinhwan then continued, softly, “She left you two years ago. Now it’s time to be free of her. Let it go, Jiwon-ah. Please let go. Just open your heart and see what happens. Your soulmate will make you happy. I know he will. I have anecdotal proof, and my argument is far more compelling than Kim Hanbin, so you have to believe me when I say this soulmate-thing is the real deal.”

Jinhwan had told Bobby that he and Junhoe discovered each other’s hearts the moment they appeared on their wrists. They saw their hearts the first time in unison, actually, when the two were hanging out for a sleepover. But it apparently had come at no surprise. They never had many options in this world. It was always the two of them.

“But your soulmate is…” Bobby searched for the words. “I don’t know. It seems right. You two match well. Didn’t I just get Hanbin ‘cause we’re both screw-ups?”

“Kim Jiwon,” Jinhwan scolded, and placed his hands over Cheonsa’s ears, “I thought I told you I wouldn’t sit here and listen to you call **_my_ ** _niece_ a mistake.”

Bobby sighed. Cheonsa complained about being manhandled and slid out of Jinhwan’s lap like slime from a 6oz container. She waddled off to the kitchen.

Bobby was grateful for the diversion. “I’m gonna go check on the fruit.”

Jinhwan snorted a little laugh. “Tell him I say hi.”

The joke went over Bobby’s head. He trudged heavily into the kitchen, every step an assault to his load-bearing joints.

Cheonsa was holding onto Junhoe’s pants. Junhoe reached down and placed half a strawberry in Cheonsa’s mouth. Cheonsa chewed happily, looking up at Junhoe with shining eyes as though worshipping the god of the harvest.

Bobby leaned on the counter. Junhoe nodded to acknowledge him.

Bobby had never heard Junhoe’s side of the story. It made him curious.

“Junhoe,” Bobby asked, “when did you and Jinhwan see your hearts?”

“Huh?” Junhoe prefaced. Then he processed the question, squinted an eye at the ceiling, like he was really trying to remember. “We were just talking. We had just eaten ramen for dinner and we were going to bed.”

That was so… not monumental. “How did you know to look?” 

Junhoe shrugged. “We didn’t have many clothes on. It was easy to see.”

Of course. 

Junhoe continued cutting the fruit. In a softer voice, he said, “I already knew it would be him before the hearts appeared. It always felt right.”

Bobby leaned on the counter and sighed. “I never got that experience.” Hanbin fell out of the sky and crushed him by surprise.

Junhoe actually scoffed, but smiled. “Really? You and Hanbin were stuck to each other during training. It was like he glued himself to you.”

“What?” Bobby demanded. “That’s not true. We just got along well.”

Junhoe paused the conversation to put a large piece of apple into his mouth and roughly chewed it. He placed another strawberry in Cheonsa’s open mouth. 

“Jiwon hyung,” Junhoe said through his fruit, as though a teacher scolding a pupil, “not to be rude, but you need to open your eyes.”

Bobby laughed, and opened his eyes dramatically wide. 

Junhoe noticed. He swallowed what looked like a painfully large hunk of apple. “Ah, seriously…” he complained, but he was still smiling as well. “Don’t be like this.” 

“I was just born like this,” Bobby said. “They don’t open any wider.”

When Junhoe looked like he was too nervous to continue the banter, Bobby patted Junhoe on the shoulder and thanked him for his time. Junhoe nodded to him as a farewell. 

Cheonsa zoomed out of the kitchen as though taking her new toy on a rocket launch ride. Bobby set his trajectory to follow her, but balked. He stopped in the middle of the kitchen. He turned around. 

“Ju-ne-ah,” Bobby said, “do you think I loved him?” 

Junhoe answered, “I think you always love your soulmate even if you don’t know you love them yet. I think that’s what makes them a soulmate.”

In that, Bobby heard that Hanbin had always loved him back. It made Bobby’s skin flush red. His pulse beat in his wrist.

Bobby thought he had hated Hanbin. And Hanbin had loved him. 

_Hanbin loved him._


End file.
